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 Don Lemon with his grandmother on his third birthday.
May 22nd, 2011
01:00 AM ET
My Faith: How I learned to stop 'praying away the gay'Editor's Note: Don Lemon is a CNN anchor and author of Transparent, a memoir . By Don Lemon, CNN "School day, time to get up, sleepy head. School day." Although she's been gone since 1998, my grandmother's words ring in my head just about every morning of my life. That's how MaMe, as I called her, got me out of bed and off to my Catholic school when I was growing up and in her care. But before I shuffled my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine, I had to hit the floor on my knees to pray, just as I had the night before. It was usually The Lord's Prayer ("Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...") followed by asking God to watch and guide me through my day until I returned to the safety of my home that evening. But MaMe (pronounced MAH-me) didn't know that at a very early age her favorite grandson had begun to pray, silently, that God would change him from being different, from having crushes on boys, from being more curious about boys than girls. By age four or five, I was too young to sexualize my infatuations but I knew that everyone else, including my family and friends, would think it was wrong. Perhaps it was the conversations I overheard from adults around my hometown of Port Allen, Louisiana, who'd mimic gay people, calling them "funny" or "sissy" or "fagots." Perhaps it was Sunday mornings at our Baptist church, where preachers taught that liking someone of the same sex was a direct and swift path to hell. And that if that person would just turn to the Lord and confess his sin, then God would change him back into the person He wanted him to be - a person who only had crushes on the opposite sex. All of which meant that, from a very early age, I began to think I was dirty and that I was going to hell. Can you imagine what that feels like for a kid who was just learning to read and perform basic arithmetic? It was awful. And talk about guilt - I was a Baptist attending Catholic school! I prayed the silent prayer for God to change me every chance I got until I started attending college in New York. That's when common sense began to take hold and I realized that no amount of prayer would change me into something that wasn't natural to me. With my religious upbringing, I'd had the opportunity to study religious doctrine. But I learned from different perspectives, from Catholic Mass on Fridays to Baptist services on Sundays to vacation Bible school in the summer to Bible study with a Jehovah's Witness as a teenager. As I got older I began to realize that all these people and institutions interpreted the Bible somewhat differently. I had a sort of epiphany: the Bible was about the lessons you learned, not about the events or words. When I became old enough, intelligent enough and logical enough to discern the difference between metaphor and reality, everything changed. I realized that Jonah living in the belly of a whale was a parable written in the same vein as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. saying that he had "been to the mountaintop." Neither Jonah nor King had actually been to those places. They were metaphors for lessons for those of us who cared to absorb them. So many of us, especially in the black community and in churches, tend to think that religious teachings happened word for word as they were written in Scripture. I think that's naïve, even dangerous. That type of thinking - or non-thinking - keeps many religious people enslaved to beliefs that they haven't truly stepped back from and examined. That type of thinking causes people who are otherwise good to shun and ostracize young gay people. It causes people to want to control and change people who aren't like them. And who wants to be like someone else? Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be? Instead, we got on our knees, just as I did as a little boy, and prayed that slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women would end. In the United States, at least, those prayers have largely been realized. I'm no longer the member of any church but I do believe in a higher power. It's time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends. What we're doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Don Lemon. soundoff (4,733 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 Next »
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.  |
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And those of you who think it's funny and fine to call Jesus a zombie (it was clever the first 3 or 4 times I heard it, now it's just another example of a bunch of parrots using it to be with the "in" mocking Jesus crowd of pavlov's dogs), let me know how that works out for you in the afterlife.
Once upon a time in a land far, far away...
Just because 'if feels so right' to be gay doesn't mean it is. Some mass murderers actually enjoy what they do and get off on it. Pedophiles do it because it feels good. Does that mean because it feels so right, it should be excepted as normal?
That is a bit a extreme example don't you think?
feels so good to judge huh? even though Jesus said not to. bet you can get into heaven anyway. See how it works.?
If by judging, you mean taking what the bible says and believing it, then yes.
@chuckly
You Said: "Just because 'if feels so right' to be gay doesn't mean it is. Some mass murderers actually enjoy what they do and get off on it. Pedophiles do it because it feels good."
Wow... as a lot of fervent fundamentalist believers here on this blog attempt to do... your attempt to *infer* and create an analogous *association* that ...mass murderers and pedophiles is = to being gay, is absolutely ludicrous, biased and insulting to people that are gay.
And as for being (normal)... W T F...? Even if it wasn't (the norm) doesn't *imply* that it is...'wrong' nor 'harmful.'
It's insidious postings like yours that can and does often lead to the ostracism, bigotry and hatred that people that are gay have to deal with in our society.
Good grief.
Peace...
well, I believe it in romans when the bible says as long as I believe in jesus i dont need to know the law.
AMEN!!!!
Thank you! I really like what you said "the Bible was about the lessons you learned, not about the events or words.". You can not imagine your article can help so many people of us.
Welladjusted...You are missing the whole point in being a Christian. It means to be Christ like! Do you think Jesus was GAY???
Do you think Jesus is/was a hater?
Maybe. Hung around with only men, wore a gown....
He didn't hate but he condemed sin. Just as I am doing
None of us are christlike....we didnt live back then so we dont know what he was like except mans recollection which is the bible. We all know how mans recollection is!!
... how removed from anything remotely "Christ-like" you are........ Do you think he was INTOLERANT?
Drank wine and mostly ate seafood.
Observer You're not condemning sin. Sin is condemned without you. You're persecuting sinners. You're playing God.
@farside6262
Yes. He hates sin. Look it up.
He, however, loves the sinner and seeks to bring him to repentance.
Christ did not come to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. He commanded us to LOVE one another. Not condemn. In fact, He told us NOT to judge one another, remember?
How disgusting. How completely disgusting.
It is deplorable that we subject young gay people to years of angst based upon a series of Iron Age myths that were cobbled together into a book during the Dark Ages.
The author's mistake was not rejecting the whole silly story.
Because you know all the answers. mkay.
I agree Colin – spirituality should not be soul-crippling. I do feel for those that who struggle and can't let it go.
so what he is saying is that he looked and looked everywhere and anywhere until he could finally come up with an excuse to claim that being gay is right. The bible says it is a sin. I believe it. Period
I find that hard to believe considering the Bible is 2000 years old and gay is a 20th century term. I think your Bible is mistranslated.
You don't need to go that far. The bible isn't needed for this. Being gay is simply a dysfunction and should be treated as such. The biological consequences as well as the social, and cultural issues are plenty enough for me to feel it is not and should not be treated as anything but a dysfunction.
the bible says that God makes everything right for those who believe, and I believe it. I got jesus, so I can kiss boys.
Hey Chuckly. yas, that pretty much captures most Bible-cuddlers' "sophisticated" beliefs. I guess you can't help being ignorant, but I see no reason to be proud of it.
So Colin, are you saying only ignorant people believe in the bible?
You're a sin for being born. Go kill yourself you waste of space.
It is hilarious that you holier than thou people have words to say about sin!!
You need to read your bible again....it says alot of things and guess what....the things that your Jesus said is supposed to be written in red, right?(LOL) None of that was written in red, therefor it was merely said by man,.
Sad part is, that was written by a possible bigot that wrote what he wanted. It wasnt exactly approved by god himself when the bible was released. The bible is basically a history book, written by various man and women of the past. They wrote what jesus said in red because the person who wrote it quoted him. Other than that, everything else was merely mans interpretation of what happened in those times.
Come on people.....we all know by forensics, police science, etc that humans often do not remember details like they happened in life, they tend to remember what they can.
Just because some man said it was a sin, doesnt make it so. Now a new man says it isnt, and if we write that in a book and call it a bible, are you ganna believe that too????????
there is nothing new about gay
Here is my issue, I am a pastor of my own church...however I do not hate gays, and in fact i welcome EVERYONE....heres the issue. I feel like gays dont just want to be accepted, they want us to accept what they do is right and nothing is wrong with that, which is typical of an egocentric mindset (did i mention im also a psychiatrist 🙂 ) and if i dont accept this and think that its right im a gay hater. i feel alot of gay people expect me to teach my congregation and my family for that matter that its perfectly fine to be gay and encourage to do this. Now, im not saying which religion i am because religion is a joke, im a Christ follower. Thats is point number one. Point number two and this one is a HUGE thing. "i was born gay"......NO ONE IS BORN GAY....their is NO gay gene. their are gene disorders where certain hormones are lacking but that can be fixed with medicine.....9 times out of 10 most gay are gay because they were molested at a young age. an yes if you are gay and u dont want to be God WILL make you not gay. but you cant be fixed if you are praying with your head and not your heart. your not going to go forward in reverse gear in a car would you?????....sorry for the typos and lack of grammar.
God bless
God bless
9 times out of 10 they were molested? Now you are just making stuff up. Preachers are not supposed to lie.
Do you know that science doesn't actually support either the 9 of 10 statistic you made up or that there is no genetic link?
RE: "they want us to accept what they do is right"
As a psychiatrist, you know that people don't all behave the same way. What is it you think gay people "do" exactly? I guarantee you gay people are as different as straight people. Some make good choices, some bad. Many of the things people assume gay people "do", straight people do – a lot. You can't paint them all with the same broad brush.
The first thing you have to do for gay people in your community is love them. You're their brother. If you look at an entire group of people as a sin, you're going to forget this.
... you completely missed the part about the little boy praying every night and every day. Someone in that much confusion and pain would not just be praying from their head. You are the one who needs to open your heart.
If you're truly a psychiatrist, then you SERIOUSLY need to have your liscence revoked. And that's a fact.
@ Aginor...go read your bible, your skull is too thick to be penetrated and you are clearly a sponge for doctrine with a pat answer for everything. Reality flash; not everything is black and white!
Who said it was?
.... black and white, right and wrong are all man-made concepts.
Sorry Patricia but knowing right and wrong is a good thing.
"When I became old enough, intelligent enough and logical enough to discern the difference between metaphor and reality, everything changed." As a kid I found religion so confusing, and that was because the people who were teaching me took the bible literally, rather than discerning what was metaphor and what was literal. I find that it is still prevailent in society today – people are not making that differentiation, and prefer to look at the bible in simple, concrete terms. They are completely missing the subtleties of the metaphors that are used to convey the message.
I am happy you posted this article and shared your point of view. But, I'm not understanding why you said that "especially black people" should stop "praying the gay away," This imparts the same kind of segregation you were experiencing with gay and straight people in your life.
Maybe next time, the article can be for everyone, because everyone in this situation struggles and we do not need more reasons to separate the population into categories. Everyone should be themselves, and everyone should be equal. 🙂
aginor, I dont think "they" are all haters, but a lot of them are.
And it's absolutely wrong to be a hater.
The bottom line is that anyone who chooses to be gay or lesbian can not be a Christian. If you are a religious gay you should find another religion.
Observer...Jesus says I can be gay and christain. You cant argue with that if you believe in Jesus.
Agreed. Since no one chooses that they can be Christians.
I see you didn't get raptured either.
LOLOL that was gold ! I don't believe people actually believe that !!
Observer If you'd bar the gates to anyone earnestly seeking Christ, I don't want to have to tell you what the Bible says about such people.
Zacchaeus climbed a fig tree to see Jesus. Would you chop it down?
Don Lemon is brave and wise.
The basis of the Christian faith is the following two precepts:
1) Love the Lord thy God with all thy mind, body, soul, and strength.
2) Love thy neighbor as thyself.
So, judge not lest ye be judged and long live love for ALL of humankind.
@Dalis The bible says to believe in God is to live by his word. Not doing so is not believing...
hahahah! Again, your comments defy logic !
Then the answer to that is......dont be christian. Be christlike and walk that walk with a better name to it!! People like OX ruin what being a christian means anyway so become someone true! Follow what you are lead by god to do....you dont have to be a part of a religion to be christlike...you can be christlike in your life everyday and dont have to follow others that make the christian faith look like a bunch of idiots that cant live without a book to guide them.
When following a book people, you are following mans history! If you follow christ, you follow in prayer. If you follow in prayer, you will know what to do. Thats called having faith!
will, it isnt a falshood. it took a few miracles, but jesus showed me he's real and saved me. Once I accpeted that jesus said I was born gay in mattew 19, it was really easy to get past the lies I'd been taught by "christians" and see the truth in what Jesus/God really says in the bible, and it isnt the spin that is so commonly believed. I"m glad that Jesus chose me. I get to be gay and love Jesus, I'm the luckiest man alive.
Sorry dude. Being gay is a dysfunction. Born/choice is irrelevant. Religion is irrelevant. It's simple science.
Science isn't simple.
I hope i'm standing beside you on judgement day. I would love to see your face when God tells you the truth!
Good for you: you sorted through the filter of illusion and found the best answer for you. This is what I think religion should be used for – to help us find our own way. Awesome!
Amen, and more power to you, brother! If the essence of the Gospel is to be believed, then you can absolutely be gay and be Christian. Because it's not about us, it's about Christ whose Grace is available to anyone who wants it.
@ObserverX
I am fairly sure God will look at both of you and say. 'You know all of that love your neighbor stuff. Yeah, it wasn't nearly as important to me as who you slept with. You on the right although you had lots of pride and was very judgmental of others at least you didn't sleep with someone of the same gender. You can go in. You on the left. You really should have known that nothing really was important except that. Take the escalator down.'
Just curious – what translation are you using for Matthew 19?
This is the kind of thing I point to when people find out that I am an atheist and ask me "Why don't you leave religion alone, what harm does it do?".
Do you believe in anything that requires responsibility?
uhm yeah i have a question why is this even on the news site people need to get over the whole religion thing and leave people to live there lives total bs
It's called agenda. And just because "the whole religion thing" might not be important to you doesn't mean it isn't.
hey dalis, good to see I'm not the only one.
🙂
Why don't you Zombie-on-a-Stick Worshippers follow the 513 mitzvot? Like your Old Testament commands you to?
hate spreads. Im ashamed to admit it...I"m a firm believer that I have to love everyone. Jesus told me to, but I must confess, when I see what some of these narrow minded people say on here, it is hard for me to not hate back. I'm gay, I'm Christian, and it is so ironic that Christians are the ones who make me mad enough that the Devil can steal my joy. So I choose to love the haters anyway, I have to for my own salvation.
Don't sit on the fence any longer. Dump that ridiculous desert religion.
You've taken an important first step in openly rejecting some of the blatant lies of the so-called "bible", but it's time for you to admit that the whole faith is based on outright falsehoods. You'll lead a broken life if you continue to try to reconcile the church's hypocrisy and lies.
Gay and Christian too. I totally sympathize.
People aren't haters just because they don't agree with you. You sound like one of those idiots that suggests only racists don't like Obama.
And isn't that what they say Jesus was all about anyway? Sounds like you've actually seen the light, as opposed to others on here who regurgitate the same old stuff, stuck in their same old ways, believing the same old stuff, with the same old ignarance.
Just a question. Where does that leave people who have genotype of one s e x and the phenotype of another?
In response to CW0WW
Dysfunctional
Aginor,
Dysfunction and dysfunctional are widely overused words that have no meaning without an effective supportive argument (besides quoting from religion).