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 Don Lemon with his grandmother on his third birthday.
May 22nd, 2011
01:00 AM ET
My Faith: How I learned to stop 'praying away the gay'Editor's Note: Don Lemon is a CNN anchor and author of Transparent, a memoir . By Don Lemon, CNN "School day, time to get up, sleepy head. School day." Although she's been gone since 1998, my grandmother's words ring in my head just about every morning of my life. That's how MaMe, as I called her, got me out of bed and off to my Catholic school when I was growing up and in her care. But before I shuffled my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine, I had to hit the floor on my knees to pray, just as I had the night before. It was usually The Lord's Prayer ("Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...") followed by asking God to watch and guide me through my day until I returned to the safety of my home that evening. But MaMe (pronounced MAH-me) didn't know that at a very early age her favorite grandson had begun to pray, silently, that God would change him from being different, from having crushes on boys, from being more curious about boys than girls. By age four or five, I was too young to sexualize my infatuations but I knew that everyone else, including my family and friends, would think it was wrong. Perhaps it was the conversations I overheard from adults around my hometown of Port Allen, Louisiana, who'd mimic gay people, calling them "funny" or "sissy" or "fagots." Perhaps it was Sunday mornings at our Baptist church, where preachers taught that liking someone of the same sex was a direct and swift path to hell. And that if that person would just turn to the Lord and confess his sin, then God would change him back into the person He wanted him to be - a person who only had crushes on the opposite sex. All of which meant that, from a very early age, I began to think I was dirty and that I was going to hell. Can you imagine what that feels like for a kid who was just learning to read and perform basic arithmetic? It was awful. And talk about guilt - I was a Baptist attending Catholic school! I prayed the silent prayer for God to change me every chance I got until I started attending college in New York. That's when common sense began to take hold and I realized that no amount of prayer would change me into something that wasn't natural to me. With my religious upbringing, I'd had the opportunity to study religious doctrine. But I learned from different perspectives, from Catholic Mass on Fridays to Baptist services on Sundays to vacation Bible school in the summer to Bible study with a Jehovah's Witness as a teenager. As I got older I began to realize that all these people and institutions interpreted the Bible somewhat differently. I had a sort of epiphany: the Bible was about the lessons you learned, not about the events or words. When I became old enough, intelligent enough and logical enough to discern the difference between metaphor and reality, everything changed. I realized that Jonah living in the belly of a whale was a parable written in the same vein as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. saying that he had "been to the mountaintop." Neither Jonah nor King had actually been to those places. They were metaphors for lessons for those of us who cared to absorb them. So many of us, especially in the black community and in churches, tend to think that religious teachings happened word for word as they were written in Scripture. I think that's naïve, even dangerous. That type of thinking - or non-thinking - keeps many religious people enslaved to beliefs that they haven't truly stepped back from and examined. That type of thinking causes people who are otherwise good to shun and ostracize young gay people. It causes people to want to control and change people who aren't like them. And who wants to be like someone else? Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be? Instead, we got on our knees, just as I did as a little boy, and prayed that slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women would end. In the United States, at least, those prayers have largely been realized. I'm no longer the member of any church but I do believe in a higher power. It's time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends. What we're doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Don Lemon. soundoff (4,733 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 Next »
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.  |
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Still not of God.....man with another man.....yuck! The thought of it turns my stomach. It is so not natural.
well, then dont kiss boys.
How do you know that it isnt natural? Maybe not for now, but back then it might have been the most natural thing in the world and since the christians most obviously want to follow a book written from back then, wouldnt it seem more natural to follow what was more accepted when it was written?
Natural is in the eye of the beholder and it may not make sense to you but for millions it is life as they know it just like being hetero is life as you know it. Doesnt make it wrong, just not your cup of tea. Just like being hindu or a girl or etc...just isnt your cup of tea....
It's not natural for you. Fine, don't do it. It is quite natural for other, consenting adults. Believe it or not, the world does not revolve around you.
The thought of anyone kissing you turns mine.
Is this what goes on over here ?
Just because someone is born with something doesn't make it natural. Many people are born with many dysfunctional issues. Born or choice, being gay is a dysfunction that help should be sought after to fix.
@Quantum Gravitational Fluctuation
You must be @Bucky Ball's genius friend...?
Good to meet you so-to-speak !
Looking forward to reading your postings.
Peace...
@Aginor
You're presupposing as 'fact' that people that are gay, (need to be fixed). Why would you assume that...?
I would suggest that the vast majority of gays may disagree with you in that they don't want nor need them to be (fixed).
Peace...
Prince,
Chances are that you have friends who trash gays and fantasize about lesbians.
@Aginor
And you got your MD, PhD in psychiatry at ?
The fact is this complex of behaviors was removed from the DSM in 1973. If you know more than the Board of the American Psychiatric Association, lets see you clinical credentials.
@Bucky Ball
I would also add... Ph.D in 'evolutionary biology' with a specialty in 'genetics' as well, to your list to your posting to @Aginor.
Peace...
What kind of sadistic deity would create followers and then punish them for the characteristics he bestowed on them? Why does God get credit for all the good stuff but never has to answer for the hardship, destruction and tragedy he creates?
Or maybe this life is actually ours and he allows things to happen is it will? Why does had have to have a hand in everything or nothing to you people. . . .
So Aginor – you don't believe your god is omniscient? He is not the creator or the designer of the universe or earth or life? What kind of god have you created for yourself and what do you base it on and how do you verify it?
I believe he is all those things you say. But. I this is our life to be successful or fail at. Not his. His level of "direct" involvement can be debated. We all have a different road. And by design. The doesn't mean he makes people gay or whatever the dysfunction is. I think he allows life to happen and us the opportunity to "individually" get through it the best we can.
I hear ya Michelle – and my answer is because God is another man-made concept and we are so wrong on SO many levels. The way we treat each other is horrible. To say that a creator would sink down to our levels just goes to show how limited we are in our concepts of true enlightenment. We have no idea !
The right path to take is one that leads to love and acceptance of others – no matter what!
Spouting off that God is man made with obviously no way to back up the claim shows ignorance.
Pretty much spouting off any claims about a god or deity without any verifiable facts shows ignorance.
Peace...
But aginor – when your god tortures little children to death in horrific ways with the pathogens and parasites he designed, created and unleashed on the earth how is that allowing the dying children to have a chance? And why would you worship a god that works so sadistically?
the bottom line is he'll have to answer to God. We can say whatever we want; we can't save him from hell
But you can give all people a manor of respect.
A "manor" of respect? Did you mean to say "manor"? Really?
Geez. I'd rather be gay than as stupid as you are.
Walter, you are so ignorant; Don, you are so right!
They should do an expose on the other side...I personally know three people who lead a happy hetreo life after having the opposite tendencies at some stage in their life. Are they denying themselves? Sure...but isn't that what it means to be human? To deny our self-destructive animalistic urges and to be better that "ourselves?"
I knew there was a reason why I liked you so much. You're family !!!
Very proud of you ....
screw all of you who say that gays are sick, your such godly people well guess what? im pretty sure it says somewhere in the bible not to judge. maybe yall should take a step back and look at your own lives before you go looking at everyone elses. your oppinions really dont matter. i am a lesbian and i love my partner more than anything and i believe he shuld live his life exactly how he wants to and if your stupid enough to judge then i certainly cant wait till so called 'judgement day' either because you will be just as guitly as everyone else.
tell em girl!
Being gay is dysfunctional on a biological level. No religion required.
Cortney it's the truth, ya'll don't want to hear the truth so you say we're judging you. Don created this article, he knew people would comment, stay in the closet if you don't want someone to talk about you. Ya'll acting proud to be sinners, man up and take it!
Bottom Line....if we lived by your bible standards...wed be a country on their way to annihilation!
The bible days were primitive at best, we dont live that way by any means. Ways have changed, people changed, lives changed. Noone can use a book printed that far back to define what happens now. Even your bible refined its thoughts fromNew to Old testement because it merely did not stand the test of time, even back then!
Isnt it funny how the bible had to be 'updated' back then but noone has updated it lately? Im sorry but everything must be updated with the times. We dont live with the laws, standards, rules, etc that were going on back then. If we lived by the bible, wed have a heck of a life...not good. Nothing is now as it was then. Should be dig up the old laws from back then and live by them? Where a liar has his tounge cut out? Where thieves have their hands cut off? Where you were whipped and hanged and beaten?
That was civility for that culture, it isnt for ours!
Do you believe in anything that requires responsibility higher standards or does anything go for you?
@ Aginor
Of course things require responsibility yet time dictates that responsibility and so does life and the changes it brings.
Back then, women were not thought of very highly, if you are female, would you want to go back to that? If you are male, would you want to live the barbaric ways that they did? Believe me, you wouldnt last because it was terrible! No, I didnt live there, but I am very learned.
Times and life dictates that no book anywhere can transend such a galactic change over so many years....nothing is the same except the closed minds of people. Ive read the bible, many many times. I pray and I know that the bible promotes people to live by its bookprint. Im sorry, the god of my understanding promotes me to use my mind and my faith to live life as it changes and evolves everyday.
The bible promotes robot like thought,....do you really think that jesus stayed with his nose in a book the whole time? How many people would have even listened if he did? No, he was out among the people, healing, teaching, living life and it didnt matter who it was or what they did or where they came from or anything because supposedly he believed what he believed and didnt judge anyone to be below him.
Now...IF thats what you believe, why do or say or live the complete opposite if you call yourself(not meaning YOU specifically Aginor) a christian or christlike person?
Just because something isn't perfect doesn't mean we discard all of it.
Please don't assume that only "robotic" minded people who don't think for themselves are religious.
as a gay christian I gotta say...lord forgive these people, they know not what they do. For all of you that call yourselves christains, thats great. Many of you really truely are. I am. But please, dont use his name as your own until you have actually read for yourself what it says, cause doctrine and the word are NOT the same thing. Once jesus died for our sins, he fullfilled the law, so we can eat pork, work on the sabath, wear polyester and kiss boys. he followed the law because NONE of us can, and if anyone of us goes to hell because even though we believed in jesus, we didnt follow every law, then we are all going to hell.
proofread my own stuff there. What I mean to say is, if you have jesus, then if you dont follow the letter of the law, you will not go to hell. So straight divorces and re-marries, but believes, you get into heaven. Gay, eats pork and believes, you get into heaven. Jesus doesnt care what you eat, or who you kiss, just be loving and faithful.
You are going to hell, a sin is a SIN! It's an abomination to the Lord to be Gay. Twist it however you want but Jesus gave his life for our sins, and when we give our life to him that means we're trying to live by his word and not sin. BEING GAY IS A SIN! So whatever makes you feel better, just know that you will not enter the kingdom of heaven thinking this way and continue to sin like it's ok.
I don't need a bible or a religion to believe being gay is a dysfunction.
Well said my gay Christian brother! Hopefully the depressing people in this discussion will realize that their hatred and judgement is just as much of a sin in Gods eyes. We ALL sin! That is why we needed a SAVIOR!
Those who are gay and support the gay lifestyle would prefer to believe it is not sinful just as those who are greedy, gluttonous, deceitful would also prefer to believe their sin is okay. Those who know the truth would be better off sharing the truth with those who are seeking the truth rather than with those who could care less. Well...okay, give a warning and then move on rather than argue about it.
It becomes even more true if you post multiple times! I really wish I knew this before.
In that case....noone is going to the christian heaven. None of us can say we do nothing wrong...so by your thoughts, we are all done for so what does any of your doctorine matter? No person among us can preach or teach about anything...that kinda kills your doctorine all together. Noone can preach or teach it, so noone can hear or speak it. Dead
... still sticking to the premise of sin as something real negates the rest of your post.
I hope you're hit by a bus.
It is sad that this is not really an open minded conversation.
But rather a propaganda campaign to promote one point of view.
Not hate here... just wishing I could say my piece.
I am an atheist and even *I* get that it's a personal journey and people should NOT use their religion to judge others by the way they choose to live their lives. This whole idea of God judging us is another man-made concept.
You don't need religion to believe being gay is a bad practice.
You don't need to believe that gay is a bad practice. You don't need to believe anything about the way others live. Live and let live. You are a bully.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!! It is so wonderful to see a real point of view!
aginor didnt say he was against gays
@Aginor
At face value your posting seems like a sweeping over-generalization. Maybe I missed it, but I haven't seen you state any specificities regarding your claim.
I'm curious, and willing to hear what your -opinion- is on what you think is 'specifically' so wrong, bad, etc... about being gay...?
Peace...
I don't have an argument with gays religiously. I look at it from a biological perspective. I think it is a dysfunction like many things people are born with. I don't think anyone should be mistreated for what they may be born with. But I don't like the idea that somehow it's actually normal. It isn't.
@Aginor
You Said: "I don't have an argument with gays religiously. I look at it from a biological perspective. I think it is a dysfunction like many things people are born with. I don't think anyone should be mistreated for what they may be born with. But I don't like the idea that somehow it's actually normal. It isn't."
You use the label 'dysfunction' which typically will presuppose something as not o.k. or bad. If someone is born with a truly harmful disease, or biological dysfunction that truly and actually harms them or others, I understand there may be a need or desire to try and 'fix' them.
However, with being gay... where's the harm...? The vast majority of them are o.k. with being gay.
So... what's the problem...?
Peace...
Those who are gay and support the gay lifestyle would prefer to believe it is not sinful just as those who are greedy, gluttonous, deceitful would also prefer to believe their sin is okay. Those who know the truth would be better off sharing the truth with those who are seeking the truth rather than with those who could care less. Well...okay, give a warning and then move on.
The reality is that most would disagree with the premise of the existence of "sin." Sin is another man-made concept that religious leaders (and followers) use to control others and bend them to their will.
I didn't know something became authoritative truth if you put the phrase 'The reality is' as your name.
Wow, what an ingnorant bigot ! ! I thought all you guys would be gone by today, given the Rapture and all.
LOL@Peter....I totally agree! Wonder why they got left behind? Hmm, maybe a little sin in the closet?
Your language and use of the term "gay lifestyle" clearly indicates your belief that we have a choice where we fall in the gay/straight continuum. Who would choose a "lifestyle" clearly condemned by their community? Stop using flawed interpretation of doctrine to support your bigotry; no one benefits from it.
Funny how man tries to justify sin with a play on words. The fact that a man is attracted to another man is Anti God. We choose to believe what we want. The reality is no one can claim they have consulted the scriptures and the justify this behavior. Preist, Pastor's, Elders ect are not the final athourity on this subject. God is! But I'm sure people have heard all of this before.
Miss Lemon needs to get over herself. What will she do next? Prance around on-air in a dress?
My two year old tells lies. I didn't teach him this. He's a natural liar so I accept his behavior as from G-d. In fact I encourage him to lie because I love and accept him just the way he is. Besides who am I to judge? I want him to be happy... just like ole Don. You Go boy! {FAIL}
This attempt at analogy is so stupid its not even worth explaining.
"It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does." Isn't that nice America the racist and bigoted country. What a wonderful perspective. Sorry Don but African-Americans don't have the corner on the market in that arena no matter how much they like to play the race and victim card. Some the biggest bigotry comes straight out of the "African-American" community. The reason Prop 8 passed in California was the large vote by the "African-American" community. Take a walk through the crowds at a "La Raza" event and get a real eye opening experience. Bigotry and hate is a state of mind not a country or a race!
Did you just make a try and make rallying cry against racism and bigotry while simultaneously making a broad negative generalization about the African American community? Impressive
I don't think it's fair to blame the African-Amerian community, or the Mormons, or the Catholics, or any other group individually for Prop 8. The fear of the gay community was expressed by many people in that vote, each in their own way. The Mormon church staged a nation-wide fundraising effort to raise money in support of Prop H8, the catholic church with it's own poor track record on maintaining the high moral ground every religious group claims to own, voiced some of the loudest opposition, and yes, many minority groups with individual claims to know what is "right" and what isn't voted in opposition to support people who wish to live together in a commited relationship.
And the result? Prop 8 scared a bunch of young gay and lesbian men and women away from coming out to their families, seeking help for the differences they feel from their peers, and probably contributed to more to the problem (however you classify the problem: hatred, fear, depression, isolation...) just so self-righteous people can feel better by ignoring the gay men and lesbians in their midst.
I always find it amazing that a group of people who have been so obviously been oppressed and vilified can be accused of the behavior of their oppressors. Of course, minorities can have the same traits as their oppressors. They are human, too. However, it just NEVER amounts to the same level. African-Americans were brought to the US through trickery and deceit, or just plain cruelness. Then, after decades of slavery, they were attacked and persecuted and hated by white people, who resented their freedom. THEY DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!! They are stuck here now, but jerks like you still like to blame them for their own problems.
When I have visited the South, (I'm Canadian), it never ceases to amaze me how the chambermaids, taxi drivers, and bell workers are all African-American, while the managers and storeowners are all white.
ummmm James, I believe you need to reread the article. Mr Lemon's appeal is to the African American community. This is about those African Americans that support discrimination of LGBT people. He is telling them, and everyone else, that discrimination is wrong and to think back on their history before they act in a discriminatory fashion. I don't think you are quite getting it.
@James – I don't think the author was saying that no racism exists within the African American community. Rather, the author was stating that the African American community, having gone through so much racism and bigotry, should be able to empathize with the LGBT community.
Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be? Answer: It would be a Muslim world.
Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son,
Do you have anything useful to contribute or are playground insults all you can manage?
It is hilarious how people think...
What kind of God says that I dont want you around because you are gay or single, or a girl or a boy, or whatever your thing is? God supposedly created man and gave him free will to do as he/she chooses. Isnt it in your bible that all people are his children? Isnt in your bible to do alot of things that your ignorance is showing that you dont do?
Being gay is not a sin....it was not understood in the bible...much like the 'witch hunts' were in salem. Do you know that the majority of the people murdered in salem merely had epilepsy? Because ignorant people didnt understand this, they claimed it as witchcraft, and of course the bible speaks about that too....from ignorant people who probably never even saw a witch or anything!
CHristians tend to discredit other people and other religions that they dont understand...your ignorance isnt an excuse for being a bigot.
Its like this....think of your beloved child...or parent, wife, husband, etc. What if they were driving down the road one day and a child ran out in front of them. They hit and kill them. Yeah, its an accident but guess what....your bible doesnt allow for accidents. It says murder is a sin!! Killing is a sin!!! Does this mean that this person goes to hell? Well, by your standards,,,yeah, they do! By real peoples standards,...heck no they wont.
Being gay, being straight, being white, black, indian, being handicapped, being fat, skinny, etc isnt a sin, it is what we are. It is time that people live and let live. If this bible thing is for you...follow it. There where plenty of those that just found out that the world didnt end yesterday!. That history book doesnt suit everyone and isnt meant to. Just because you believe it does, doesnt make it so. There are ALOT of books along the lines of the bible that people claim that god sent them as a way to live....its all just mans history.
Whatever you think of gay people, if they're not bothering you, then it's really none of your business. Everyone has their own relationship with God, and you better mind your own sins because God hates a busybody. God isn't going to be impressed with how "holier than thou" you are towards someone else, He's only going to care if you treated them the way you'd want to be treated. God made gay people to glorify the Lord and make you get over your hard-heartedness.
Why would an omniscient creature need the glory of primitive apes on a planet so tiny as to be invisible in the scheme of the universe? Please explain that to me. Why would a god be creating microscopic pathogens that infect, torture and kill 40,000 innocent children each and every day if he wanted them to glorify him? Please explain. Then explain why a god would design a universe with massive black holes that devour and destroy everything and make a universe with supernovas that destroy everything and make meteors that indiscriminately crash into planets like earth destroying them? Tell me how the glorification works exact6ly – do you shoot your thoughts out to this creature telepathically?
@Scott
I use the IPhone. They have an app for that!
@Scott G...Great Answer.
If there were more Christians like you, there would be more Christians. The very thing that sends so many people away from church is that so many Christians have NO idea what it means to act like Christ.
jesus was half alien, your arguments are now invalid
lol...good one