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 Don Lemon with his grandmother on his third birthday.
May 22nd, 2011
01:00 AM ET
My Faith: How I learned to stop 'praying away the gay'Editor's Note: Don Lemon is a CNN anchor and author of Transparent, a memoir . By Don Lemon, CNN "School day, time to get up, sleepy head. School day." Although she's been gone since 1998, my grandmother's words ring in my head just about every morning of my life. That's how MaMe, as I called her, got me out of bed and off to my Catholic school when I was growing up and in her care. But before I shuffled my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine, I had to hit the floor on my knees to pray, just as I had the night before. It was usually The Lord's Prayer ("Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...") followed by asking God to watch and guide me through my day until I returned to the safety of my home that evening. But MaMe (pronounced MAH-me) didn't know that at a very early age her favorite grandson had begun to pray, silently, that God would change him from being different, from having crushes on boys, from being more curious about boys than girls. By age four or five, I was too young to sexualize my infatuations but I knew that everyone else, including my family and friends, would think it was wrong. Perhaps it was the conversations I overheard from adults around my hometown of Port Allen, Louisiana, who'd mimic gay people, calling them "funny" or "sissy" or "fagots." Perhaps it was Sunday mornings at our Baptist church, where preachers taught that liking someone of the same sex was a direct and swift path to hell. And that if that person would just turn to the Lord and confess his sin, then God would change him back into the person He wanted him to be - a person who only had crushes on the opposite sex. All of which meant that, from a very early age, I began to think I was dirty and that I was going to hell. Can you imagine what that feels like for a kid who was just learning to read and perform basic arithmetic? It was awful. And talk about guilt - I was a Baptist attending Catholic school! I prayed the silent prayer for God to change me every chance I got until I started attending college in New York. That's when common sense began to take hold and I realized that no amount of prayer would change me into something that wasn't natural to me. With my religious upbringing, I'd had the opportunity to study religious doctrine. But I learned from different perspectives, from Catholic Mass on Fridays to Baptist services on Sundays to vacation Bible school in the summer to Bible study with a Jehovah's Witness as a teenager. As I got older I began to realize that all these people and institutions interpreted the Bible somewhat differently. I had a sort of epiphany: the Bible was about the lessons you learned, not about the events or words. When I became old enough, intelligent enough and logical enough to discern the difference between metaphor and reality, everything changed. I realized that Jonah living in the belly of a whale was a parable written in the same vein as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. saying that he had "been to the mountaintop." Neither Jonah nor King had actually been to those places. They were metaphors for lessons for those of us who cared to absorb them. So many of us, especially in the black community and in churches, tend to think that religious teachings happened word for word as they were written in Scripture. I think that's naïve, even dangerous. That type of thinking - or non-thinking - keeps many religious people enslaved to beliefs that they haven't truly stepped back from and examined. That type of thinking causes people who are otherwise good to shun and ostracize young gay people. It causes people to want to control and change people who aren't like them. And who wants to be like someone else? Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be? Instead, we got on our knees, just as I did as a little boy, and prayed that slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women would end. In the United States, at least, those prayers have largely been realized. I'm no longer the member of any church but I do believe in a higher power. It's time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends. What we're doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Don Lemon. soundoff (4,733 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 Next »
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.  |
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Can't deny that it is unnatural, can you? Something went terribly wrong with your (their) childhood and got the wrong idea in your heads. Being gay is only one problem these people have. Look deeper and they have other anti social, and often, illegal problems that need to be dealt with.
Wow, that's a lot of universal assumptions and judgement towards millions of people you've never met.
I have met and dealt with way too many gays. I have tried to accept them for who they are and give them a chance... Yet time after time, they all have other issues that need to be dealt with. Being gay is just the most outward and obvious symptom of their problems.
Please tell me you haven't had kids yet. We have enough obtuse and grossly ignorant morons in this world we don't need anymore.
I can deny it. The assumption that it isn't natural is blatantly false. It has been found in multiple animal species. As far as there being something wrong with their childhood that has not been proven to be true ever. For example, abuse is often cited but victims of abuse are no more likely to be gay than the general population. Furthermore there is strong evidence suggesting a genetic connection to orientation. No 'gay gene' has been discovered but the science suggests that it isn't something as simple as one gene. It is probably a combination of genes. Since biologists specializing in genetics have know for awhile that genes control more than one trait the idea that natural selection should eliminate non-hetero individuals doesn't really play out.
I don't think issues are limited to gays and I don't think being gay is the problem. Perhaps the problem is a lifetime of being judged, discriminated against, abused, etc...by intolerant, narrow-minded, ignorant people is, I dunno, maybe a little bit hard on them. I'm not saying you should like and accept gay people, you are free to have your own opinion, but to proclaim such a negative assessment of an entire group of people on a public website says way more about you than them.
What's 'unnatural' about it? It occurs in many species. It's certainly not being taught to them, is it? It's not a man-made activity if it's occurring in other species in the wild, is it? How else would you define 'natural' other than 'occurring in nature', you moron?
First off, I agree with Charles, that being gay is something that is perfectly natural. But even if it is un-natural, so what? We are all un-natural beings. Everyone who is using a computer to read this post, everyone who wears clothing, every person who has ever made a fire or talked on a cell-phone is not a wholly "natural" being. Does this make sense to anyone else or am I just crazy?
@Thinker
Sort of. I think the whole separation of humanity and its creations from what is considered 'natural' is an artificial construct in the first place but I understand where you are coming from.
Thank you, Charles.
What is more harmless than gay people? Being gay does not harm anyone else like stealing, lying and murder do. True, the human population might be smaller if there were a higher percentage of gay people, but at this time, the Earth definitely does not need any more humans.
I have not read comment that has requested that God clarify the question of this debate.
He gave you the best selling, most read book on the entire planet. It is called the Bible. He also gave instructions to ""Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the Word of Truth." Notice it said rightly, not wrongly dividing!
JT,
Notice that it also said that the "Law and the Prophets" are all about the Golden Rule and NOT trashing gays. Guessed you missed that part. Please actually read the Bible if you are going to try to use it as an excuse for h0m0phobia.
Re-posting due to being lost in the dreaded "In Moderation" land...
Wow – the amount of aunimosity in some of these posts is amazing! I consider myself christian, and I don't think that being g-ay
/le-sbian/bi/trans is a sin. I know, I know – there are some who, having read that will say the I am NOT christian. So be it. I know that as a young child, I had crushes on boys. They weren't se-xual fantasies, they were "they lived hanppily ever after" fantasies, and most of my friends had them as well. My point is that I don't remember NOT being straight, and I suspect that g-ays are the same. I certainly never made any "choice" to be what I am. I just am what I am.
It's difficult accepting that other folks have different opinions, and I get that there are those who feel uncomfortable around people who are different from themselves. Please, please, take a moment, and try to look from the other side. Even if you still don't agree, try to not be angry and abusive when talking to or writing to people who disagree with you. It isn't going to change anyone's mind, doesn't make any point other than that *YOU* are abusive, and have no cogent, cohesive arguments to offer.
I really, really like this post. Thanks for taking the time to repost it.
Agreed. Thank you for posting this
Who are you...POPEYE....... I just am what I am. There was no declaration of straight, because there was no declaration of gay. No coming out of the closet. No book writing. No web page announcement. If it stayed that way, this thread would not be happening!
@JT – I don't know if you meant to, but you gave me a good laugh!! I-yam what I-yam and that's all that I-yam...
Drat, now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head.
MominMO...My pleasure. I chuckled when I read it also.
Wow! This is soooo cool!
In microcosm, we have here a bunch of "Christians" demonstrating to the whole world what the meaning of "tolerance" is. Now throw in a touch of Judaism and a pinch of Islam, both with the same amount of "tolerance" and hey, presto! WW3!
Cool!
Fortunately, I *know* I'm right, and the rest of you are completely wrong.
(Now watch the idiots attack me in their droves!)
Good for you, Don!
I'm so glad you realized sooner rather than later that no gay person has ever prayed themselves straight. It's insane that some religious people keep preaching this idea when millions of gay people (who would know know) have told them it doesn't work like that. I guess prejudices and old wives tales both die hard. Congrats on getting past all that and realizing you have to live your own life! Much happiness and success, Don!
What a circus of responses. Grow up America. You are a country of 12 year-olds.
If you can't pray the gay away you need to find another way to get rid of it. It is unnatural and immoral.
What makes being gay immoral exactly? Why more immoral than, say, being straight?
I agree
I occurs in the natural world with other species, you know nothing.
All three of you are confused and have an abnormal mind. Jenny you are more idiot than me. What does GAY lifestyle would bring to the world? Would they be able to have babies? Nope...GOD said to multiply..how they gonna multiply when their not able to have child coming out from their bodies? Tell me...If everybody are involved in a gay lifestyle, we will disappear on this earth because there will be no children is going to be born.
excuse me but what you're talking about is not the issue. no one asked anyone to be gay as a choice. [read again the thread] and also you must be real blind or simply stupid not see the gays' contributions to society and i don't have to list them all here. and that multiply thing, with already 7 billion people in this earth we don't need any more babies. we can hardly feed ourselves and now you want more? where's your common sense?
We've just about multiplied until the Earth can't take much more. Maybe God is creating more gays in an effort to reduce the human population.
You can't even spell or use proper grammar, do you really want to have a discussion about overpopulation and artificial insemination?
I'm sorry guys but you do not have to be gay even if you think you were born that way. You can choose to be celebant.
Do you mean celibate?
Yes...sorry
Is that like a party where nobody gets laid?
@dalis: He's having trouble with the spelling/logical parts of the discussion. Pay no attention. If you read the last few comments by "Observer X" you'll see the distinct pattern of a self-loathing gay person. It's ok. People deal with things differently. did you notice how "God couldn't have created the gays" but he obviously created everything else. I guess this slipped through like the platypus. *sigh....I hope the haters find the peace they need. Maybe they'll stop causing harm to others as a result someday.
But why would you? How is being celibate better than being gay?
why don't you give that a try? deny yourself what it is you truly desire. get back to us and let us know how it goes for you.
What exactly would that be accomplishing? Maybe all straight people could be come celibate, too. Goodness knows we've got enough people on the planet already. Yeah, the same rules for everybody. I like that. Sorry, Victoria's Secret, your not needed anymore.
Do you really believe God wants us to have such a joyless existance?
Im concerned about where your foundation was?? You speak of Jehovas withness, Catholic etc. In all of this did someone give you a Bible to read or church doctrine (2 different things). Your foundation seems a little jacked up. In our walk with Christ, we Never stop praying. Theres scripture that tells us to pray constantly. For you to initiate prayer obviously you had a feeling things were not right. Im glad that you are in a good place with your life but Im so sorry that Chist is portrayed as such a punk. Try to pray tonight and ask God for a revelation about who you are, just try prayer one more time.. God is faithful, and whatever you do follow the Bible and not man! Watch and see the salvation of the Lord... Have a great evening.
I was thinking the same thing Lisa. None of this is a problem with a relationship with Jesus but in and out of conflicting religious doctrines is as confusing and damaging as anything.
everyone has an illness. this just happens to be a mental one.
You got it Scott. This is a mental illness that mostly people are afraid to confront. Its scary because now these people are infiltrating the church, school, community, and government to glorify their lifestyle and enforcing the majority that their lifestyle is better than the norm. Someone has to study this mental illness.
Not according to the DSM, the ICD, or the NKI/WHO Mental Health Information System.
and i think you're all mentally ill. we have something in common. and i'm hetero, so i'm guessing we might have that in common too...why don't you spend restless hours worrying and praying about things that are truly horrible, like child abuse, domestic violence, the people -perhaps right next door to you- who are going to bed hungry tonight and cannot afford food for themselves and their family. pull your heads out of your @sses and gain some perspective.
@Inez: Exactly! Symptoms include: Longer life expectancy, higher-than-average incoming earning over a lifetime, a quantifiable increase in stable, monogamous relationships, higher I.Q's in most cases, better manners over all, and WAY WAY better style when it comes to clothes or decor. Someone needs to study "the gay" and figure out how to share it with "the rest of us"!
God didn't create gays. They chose to be the way they are.
go screw yourself
I would Ken but I'm not gay
@Observer X: I don't recall ever choosing to be straight. Nor does anyone else. Why does one like cherries, beef, or chocolate? Why does anyone do anything? Can you quantify ANYTHING you've said here today without the use of a KJB? Do you actually think any of this out before you start typing?
How about gay marriage? Have a look at: blackwednesday.org/diaries/the-chuck/15124-more-fun-with-gay-marriage
Really, Observer? Where have you been observing from, Mars?
Chuck...You do choose to be "straight" because you can choose not to have s3x at all. You choose to be gay,straight,lesbian,or celebant. If you do not choose than who?
Chuck, If you chose to be with a woman instead of a man in your relationships.....then you have chosen to be straight!
Earth is the new mars
"I would Ken but I'm not gay"
There's a really Christian response. Someone told him to turn the other cheek once, but he was afraid that sounded too gay.
Actually, God didn't make anyone. Because God doesn't exist.
did you "choose" to be straight?
I agree 100%. We choose what we are attracted to at some point in our life and that choice is influenced by simple things and some not so simple things. But, it is a choice. Who you fall in love with would be a person who meets all or most of that "criteria" that we have created either consciously or unconsciously. A criminal is attracted to breaking the law, does that mean then that he is born fantasizing about murder. An inclination can be ignored and in some cases needs to be ignored. Do not legitimize a "wrong" choice with the number of people making it. It is still a wrong choice. Let's not forget Sodom and Gomorrah.
@LT-"Let's not forget Sodom and Gomorrah."
Yes, let's not.
Ezekiel 16:49-50
"Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. And they were haughty, and committed abomination before me: therefore I took them away as I saw good."
Do you guys even know what you're talking about anymore? Do the atheists have to teach you your own religion?
Eric,
It wasn't directed at you at all. The nonsense of the Noah's ark story speaks for itself.
I am gay and I am a Christian. My salvation and peace comes from God and I am not going to sit and worry about what others think. God, who is faithful, will convict me of all unrighteousness. He and I are at peace over the gay issue and I'm actually more at peace now than I've ever been. Quit using the Bible as a weapon to defend bigotry. There's enough instruction in the Bible about all the good things we are do. We don't have time to sit and judge others. Show some of the Godly love you read about in the Bible. You'll be amazed at how God works in your life when you concentrate on his love instead of trying to proclaim his judgement...........which is not up to us.
What about the very first chapter where a man and a woman were made for one another. Just throw that part out? I mean you are professing to be Christian!
JT
"What about the very first chapter where a man and a woman were made for one another." Sorry, but my version of the Bible says God made Adam from dirt and just pulled out one of his ribs to make Eve. Eve was made because Adam was BORED.
When I attended a Baptist college, I was taught that the creation story was metaphor, written while the Hebrews were in Babylonia. The Hebrews had begun to worship the Babylonian gods and the creation story in the Bible was written to teach that all the "gods" worshiped by the Babylonians were just things, created by God. In short, the creation story was originally written to explain WHO, not HOW. In that context, the bottom line is that God created men and women.
hahahaha i stopped reading after your first sentence. "gay and christian" so basically you follow a religion, which is already dumb of you in this modern society, but that religion also obviously states being gay is wrong. you are the worst type of person. gay is a choice which is probably affected by your pathetic upbringing
lj121 I'm a Christian, and I'm gay too. You're not the only one, not by a long shot.
Maybe he should have learned the game of: "Show me yours and I'll show you mine....with a little girl!
You should stop talking now.
Advice from the puppet gallery! OK!
what about the part in the bible that requires you offer lamb or bull sacrifices, or stoning adulterers (divorcee's), or not eating pork and shellfish, treating your slaves correctly, not associating with women who are menstruating, leaving your forelocks uncut, etc. do you follow these requirements? if not, you are due stringent punishment according to the bible.
Witty and clever beyond words. That certainly clears everything up. Thank you for your insight.
I do believe in God and i know God is very perfect so perfect that the earth does not stray from it.s path. Every part of a Human body has its own function. The mouth for eating , the nose for breathing. He has created Man and woman . Now because Don Lemon feels that being gay is natural. There isn't anything natural about it. if Adam was gay, there would not be a human race
That makes too much sense...They will never buy it! But I believe you're right!
Studies show that being gay is natural both in human beings and in animals. So if "God" is as perfect as you claim "him" to be then he created gays just as perfectly as himself.
Your argument assumes that you have a perfect understanding of what God's intent was. So either you are perfect yourself, as you would need to be to understand God's perfection, or there are limits to your understanding of God and his plan.
If they don't think it's right to pray the gay away, there is still a chance for an effective medication in the future. They've already isolated some of the faulty mechanics that go into the problem. It's largely a disorder that makes male pheromones mimic the smell of female pheromones to those affected with it. A pill to correct it probably isn't that far behind.
2 things...
Do you kiss with you mouth? I sure hope not because that's not what the mouth was created for right?
Second, god created Adam and Eve right? So how did they populate the earth? Incest?
Your exactly right, god is perfect. Fictional characters only have flaws if their creators want them to, and the typical theist does not possess enough intellect to create a character with enough depth to have flaws.
@LP
And why not work on a pill that makes non-white people white while we are at it. It will make so many people more comfortable about the world they live in.
It is interesting how you use evidence that being gay is genetic to support overall argument that it is a sin.
And that would be a wonderful thing. Then we wouldn't have people like you telling everyone else what is and isn't proper.
Ah, the "one form, one function" argument raises its silly head again! Consider our vocal tract, ie the organ's with which we speak. They including the lungs (first and still foremost function is breathing), the glottis (blocks passage between lung and mouth to prevent choking), tongue (taste and manipulate food) and teeth (tear and chew food). So if we are to live according to God's perfect plan, we better give up this whole language thing!!!!
"if Adam was gay, there would not be a human race"
Nonsense. If gays want children, they can father them. Sometimes people "sacrifice" for a cause. As usual, people with a black-and-white perspective ignor a middle ground.
I don't think anyone can truly understand until you've been there. I never understood gays, but I have a son who is gay. I now understand why he pretty much tried to self-destruct during his teen years. How scared he must have been, seeing all the hate in the world towards the person he was and couldn't help being. It is very interesting to me, how the religious community picks and chooses their beliefs from the Bible. I pray that the world will become more tolerant of those who are not considered the "norm." We all just want to love and be loved. It's all about love, respect, and acceptance.
A lack of understanding is the basis for most intolerance. On both sides.
Was Dad at home while jr was growing up?
@Paul, are you a d1ck, by any chance?
"I had a sort of epiphany: the Bible was about the lessons you learned, not about the events or words."
Yes it is about lessons, but it is obviously also about the events too... It must be easy for this guy to rationalize things if he can apply any meaning he wants to scripture.
Yeah, events like the global flood that never happened.
So you just rationalize away the Golden Rule.
Observer, I assume that is directed at me. If not, ignore the following. If it is, where on earth do you get the idea that I 'rationalize away the golden rule"? Because I don't see evidence of a global flood? There is no logical connection.
"It must be easy for this guy to rationalize things if he can apply any meaning he wants to scripture."
Everybody does that. You do that. It is impossible to be religious and NOT apply your own meaning to your holy text.
The Bible is like art. A million people will look at it and come away with different interpretations. It isn't based in science or fact– it's based off of stories, traditions, feelings, beliefs. Subjective things. So to quibble over whose interpretation is better is essentially the same as fighting with someone over what a piece of art meant. You didn't create it, so you will never really know. The best you can do is guess, and if it's important to you then apply it to your life in some way. Take what you want from it, use it to better yourself, whatever–just don't act like you know for certain what it's saying, because you don't. No one does.
What difference does it make what people are. If they are not hurting you or anyone else, why do you care. It doesn't change the way you live or what you do. We are all different but we are the same. Let it go, let it be.
This potentially changes a ton of things so it's certainly ok to discuss.
If it doen't matter then why did Don Lemon go out of his way to talk about it?