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 Don Lemon with his grandmother on his third birthday.
May 22nd, 2011
01:00 AM ET
My Faith: How I learned to stop 'praying away the gay'Editor's Note: Don Lemon is a CNN anchor and author of Transparent, a memoir . By Don Lemon, CNN "School day, time to get up, sleepy head. School day." Although she's been gone since 1998, my grandmother's words ring in my head just about every morning of my life. That's how MaMe, as I called her, got me out of bed and off to my Catholic school when I was growing up and in her care. But before I shuffled my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine, I had to hit the floor on my knees to pray, just as I had the night before. It was usually The Lord's Prayer ("Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...") followed by asking God to watch and guide me through my day until I returned to the safety of my home that evening. But MaMe (pronounced MAH-me) didn't know that at a very early age her favorite grandson had begun to pray, silently, that God would change him from being different, from having crushes on boys, from being more curious about boys than girls. By age four or five, I was too young to sexualize my infatuations but I knew that everyone else, including my family and friends, would think it was wrong. Perhaps it was the conversations I overheard from adults around my hometown of Port Allen, Louisiana, who'd mimic gay people, calling them "funny" or "sissy" or "fagots." Perhaps it was Sunday mornings at our Baptist church, where preachers taught that liking someone of the same sex was a direct and swift path to hell. And that if that person would just turn to the Lord and confess his sin, then God would change him back into the person He wanted him to be - a person who only had crushes on the opposite sex. All of which meant that, from a very early age, I began to think I was dirty and that I was going to hell. Can you imagine what that feels like for a kid who was just learning to read and perform basic arithmetic? It was awful. And talk about guilt - I was a Baptist attending Catholic school! I prayed the silent prayer for God to change me every chance I got until I started attending college in New York. That's when common sense began to take hold and I realized that no amount of prayer would change me into something that wasn't natural to me. With my religious upbringing, I'd had the opportunity to study religious doctrine. But I learned from different perspectives, from Catholic Mass on Fridays to Baptist services on Sundays to vacation Bible school in the summer to Bible study with a Jehovah's Witness as a teenager. As I got older I began to realize that all these people and institutions interpreted the Bible somewhat differently. I had a sort of epiphany: the Bible was about the lessons you learned, not about the events or words. When I became old enough, intelligent enough and logical enough to discern the difference between metaphor and reality, everything changed. I realized that Jonah living in the belly of a whale was a parable written in the same vein as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. saying that he had "been to the mountaintop." Neither Jonah nor King had actually been to those places. They were metaphors for lessons for those of us who cared to absorb them. So many of us, especially in the black community and in churches, tend to think that religious teachings happened word for word as they were written in Scripture. I think that's naïve, even dangerous. That type of thinking - or non-thinking - keeps many religious people enslaved to beliefs that they haven't truly stepped back from and examined. That type of thinking causes people who are otherwise good to shun and ostracize young gay people. It causes people to want to control and change people who aren't like them. And who wants to be like someone else? Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be? Instead, we got on our knees, just as I did as a little boy, and prayed that slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women would end. In the United States, at least, those prayers have largely been realized. I'm no longer the member of any church but I do believe in a higher power. It's time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends. What we're doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Don Lemon. soundoff (4,733 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 Next »
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.  |
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"Instead, we got on our knees, just as I did as a little boy, and prayed that slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women would end. In the United States, at least, those prayers have largely been realized."
Not really.
I believe more than anything, first we are in no authority to judge. We christians think we got it going on, yet at the moment we point our index at someone, three fingers are pointing back at us.
Also, for me, reading scripture honestly, it draws me to just Love Jesus Christ more than just wanting to go to heaven. Yes, i said it. I do not mind at all that the streets are made of Gold. with all honesty, i just want to meet the God who so willingly died not just for me, but for all of us. we are called to Love like He did. I mean, it IS the greatest commandment according to Jesus Himself Luke 10:27 He answered: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
also conviction for me... shows me just how much i depend on the grace of God (which thankfully, is given freely) and i Love how my relationship with God is to the point were i can say "God.... I can't do it... i just cant! THANK you for your everlasting Grace! out of loving you and accepting my flaws, I'd love to be Christ like!" and He says to me "of course you cant 🙂 that's the point my son! so you wont boast about your self, but boas about what I have done for you out of love. come; lets take a walk son"
not forcing anyone to believe, just stating what God has done for me 🙂
I am not a believer as you are Eddy, but I think you have the right idea as it pertains to interpretation of the Bible. Leave the judgment up to God and just love everyone else as you would love yourself. Thanks for not passing judgment on others.
Eddy, I agree. Thank you for standing up for the Christian faith with a loving heart to those that many Christians fail to show love to.
Well said Eddy. But as a christian, I must add to your statement..."we are called to Love like He did." But we are also called to REPENT and turn from our wicked ways. We are also called to GO and MAKE desciples of others in the world baptizing them and bringing them to a realtionship with the Lord.
Sorry to have deviated from your comment a bit, but I just had to state more than to just LOVE others. Many have taken God as just a God of love. He is a lot more than that. He is a just and holy God and verse after verse, He tells us in the bible that He does not tolerate sin and we cannot enter His kingdom unless we are born again (and no, this does not mean reincarnation).
Can two gay men have a child? If you say yes then It's ok to be gay if not Gay is wrong!
So is an infertile woman "wrong?"
Infertile women? Show me one? Have you read the story of Abraham? Sarah didn't have a child until she was in her 90's and guess who allowed that to happen? Maybe, those infertile women are involved with men that aren't worthy, once they get their lives right God will open their womb.
A gay man can indeed have a child, as can a gay woman. I know a lesbian who gave birth to her daughter last year. If you take an ovulating lesbian and she sle eps with a gay man, there is a good chance she will make a baby. It has nothing to do with who you're attracted to, gays can still make babies...so I have no idea what your point is. It's about being in a relationship with someone that you love regardless of their gender...don't know why you're so bothered by that.
1 Timothy 2:15:
"But women will be saved through childbearing, assuming they continue to live in faith, love, holiness, and modesty."
so yea, i guess according to the bible infertile women are ... wrong...
nice religion ya got there.
by the way, thats just after the verse that says
"i do not permit a woman to have authority over a man"
so again... nice religion.
Soysauce, please provide some concrete evidence that TWO GAY MEN HAD A CHILD!
I feel sympathy for your daughter...if she is real.
Thanks Joe, my religion is awesome. Yes a woman shouldn't have authority over a man because the man is supposed to be the head of the house. I guarantee you most women who thinks they wear the pants are either Gay or they have not been successful in marriage!
So your answer is that there is no such thing as a righteous infertile woman? At some point does reality or fact have any presence in your life or beliefs?
Do you really need evidence that gay man can't have a child? Obviously they can't, but that doesn't make their love any less natural. Duh. Oh, and the bible isn't the word of god, so stop using it to back up your "logic".
doesnt say anything about a house or wearing pants.....
that passage applies equally to having a female boss at work or a female teacher in a university teaching men.
god i hope you get a female boss one day and she tries to tell you what to do... yea you better put that woman in her place!
My daugther will be fine, don't worry about mine. I will contine to pray for her not to live an abomination lifestyle. Gay is not right stop trying to make everyone like you!
Not that it matters but I am not gay. How are you going to cope with her increased suicide and depression risk that results from living in a family that tells her she is an abomination?
What? I would deal with it like a death of a child. I love her to death but I do not condone being Gay, I don't make excuses for it and I will NEVER EVER EVER ACCEPT IT!
That is harsh. You really should have your child live elsewhere. She has a better chance of making without developing severe mental health issues if she isn't around you.
Implying that a barren woman is barren because of something she's doing wrong is one if the most hateful, heartless things I can imagine hearing if I are in those shoes. Way to go – you're really spreading Christ's love all around the Internet aren't you? Nice witness. When you wake in the cool gray dawn of morning I hope the realization that you're turning off thousands of people to God hits you and makes you rethink what you say.
Are you Shirley Phelps? go drink some koolaid.
IMy God can do all things, so if he says he doesn't want you to have a child because you're a idiot then so be it.
Are you saying that women who are infertile are 'idiots' when you can't even write a simple sentence and yet you have a kid? Please, don't make me laugh.
what a twisted mess you are. Yes, there is such a thing as an infertile woman. Yes, gays can be parents. Reading your posts is like watching a train wreck.
God created Adam to be with Eve not Steve!
what do you have against Adam and Steve? They're great guys.
A very mature response. God supposedly ordered and mandated a lot of things. How many of those 'rules' don't you follow?
Did Steve start the civilization at Nod, where Cain went and married? Or did Cain have relations with his mother since he fathered a child?
it rhymes so it must be true!
Gosh, did you make that up, 1word? Wow, I've never heard that one before!
/sarcasm
1word,
Why why why are you So Angry? It hurts the heart to watch what you think you have to say is the truth. I don't get it( your anger at your own kid?) and unfortunatly, I don't think you do either. Please just sit in a quiet place somewhere soon and figure it out. I beg you. Don't judge lest you be judged first( of an abomination). Please.
I am not gay and can not at all understand why you haters spend so much energy hating. WHO CARES whats it to you? ,
mind your own business. If they are sinners who cares, why are you so up set , you are a sinner yourself.
Why are Christian groups spending millions of $$$$ fighting gays? There are children who are hungry and homeless, there is child slavery. Maybe you would be a good Christan and fight that. Hate is hate and Gays are Gays and that is that.
Face it, the people on here who are bullying gays are in reality insecure and unhappy in their own lives to the point where being a bully and taking the "holier than thou" standpoint is the only thing that makes them feel powerful. ,The only reason they stick to their little "religion" is because they like being part of a group and thinking God is on their side, when in reality, he isn't and never was. Religion is actually a very selfish thing.
Pathetic! You gay bro!
P.S. Watch out for those lavender diseases. Most gays get them eventually.
Marky, it is our business when someone writes a article that can affect the lives of our children. Do you know in School they are teaching that it's ok to be GAY? So how can parents help their children if they have these thoughts in their minds if their learning it from CNN and School? This is bigger than one man coming out of the closet, he's using his platform to reach other GAYS especially GAY Children!
a perfect one, Marky!
Mark- I agree 110%. The time ,energy and money wasted on the "fight against gays" is pathetic and wasteful. These people need to hate but are cowards so they hide behind the bible in order to do so.
Because we're so obsessed with what other people are doing – we project ourselves onto other people at every turn and then act like God does the same thing.
Marky, don't let a handful of "Christian" people define all of Christianity. It is unfortunate, that religious groups get the media attention that they get to rise up against groups such as gays, Muslims, or other people that don't "fit" into the Christian mold. Know that there are those out there that can have religious beliefs but not adhere to the judgment of the "loud minority" who cast judgment on others.
because we are so insecure about what other people are doing that we get ourselves all worked up about nothing.
Because we can't pass up an opportunity to turn something benign into a big drama.
Here is the perfect gay debate for anyone interested....http://www.liquidchurch.com/faq/1/
It's so positive for young LGBT people like me to see a positive gay role model. Thank you, Don.
I suggest you see a good mental doctor. A good one can help you to put away your abnormal and deviant gay behavior.
Gayness is a serious mental issue that needs to be addressed.
Awesome! I'm glad you have a positive role model to look up to.
@ dick
so is "dumb sh1t assh0le"
USA = United Sodoms of Amorality... Don't let this happen.
@Adelina,
There are FAR FAR more Christians guilty of the Ten Commandment sin of adultery because they divorce and remarry than there are gays. Why not cut the hypocrisy and address this MUCH bigger occurence of sin?
Adelina, do you think that gays only exist in the USA?
Adelina may be able to reproduce,we cannot allow his to happen either. Please help!!!
I'll give you 100 bucks to make sure she can't.
Thank you for accepting yourself for who your are and knowing that you are loved for just being you. This "higher power" you refer to is God and He loved mankind for who they were. No one, not even the most steadfast religious man or woman is perfect by the standards set by men. But you are perfect, just as you are, to a loving God. Never allow a person define your worth based on their opinions and interpretations. Your relationship with God is your own, not the business of anyone else. Nor is your genetic makeup; black, white, gay, straight, or whatever other element that defines who you are. My heart, love, and prayers go out to you for your boldness to own your life and who you are. Know that you are loved by an amazing God and other believers just for being you.
i dig your message of love, but i have to ask.... if someone is fine just the way they are, why do they need to be saved?
the answer is that your message is not christian. Christianity says we are not fine the way we are. we are sinners. we need jesus.
Joe, I never suggested that my message was a Christian message. I believe God comes to people and meets them right where they need to be met and cares for them just as they are.
Wow! This is an uplifting and powerful message which should speaks to the world. The lesson is universal. Thanks for posting.
He then says "go and sin no more" He will meet you where you are at, but I guarantee that after that meeting you will not be the same. That's what repentance is all about. Being honest with yourself about the things you do that are contrary to God and changing them.
The thing I think we fsil to recognize is that we are all in need of a savior. We all fall shot. There is no big sin or little sin in the eyes of God. They all have the same consequence which is seperation from God.
Typo's: We fail to recognize.. and we all fall short
It is sad that you and so many others suffer(ed) needlessly. Thanks for opening a window of truth for all to peek through. Each story of personal trial and triumph makes a crack in the hard shell of prejudice surrounding our society's heart. With compassion comes peace.
Your story, Don, is my story. Thank you for telling it.
I've always believed that God does not make mistakes. I cannot understand, then, why it is that so many people, just like Don Lemon, have "come out" and are saying they knew from early childhood they were gay. Lemon says from age four or five. Who am I to dispute what he was feeling? I think he "came out" because he met someone new and high profile who is already "out" and he's tired of not being able to go out with his boyfriend, who may be Anderson Cooper. I guess Cooper is next to come out since he is not kidding anybody. It's not easy to picture nice looking guys like Lemon and Cooper intertwined in a passionate embrace. Sorry, but God's intention is not that a man love a man or a woman love a woman.
You seem to know god personally since you state with such confidence that you know what his intention is. If so, can you please pass along his cell phone number so I can confirm with him? Oh and if it's wrong for two people of the same gender to love eachother...then I guess that includes father/son or mother/daughter relationships? Or two people of the same gender who are best friends who have mutual love? You're a complete and utter fool.
Your hatred, predujice, and bigotry define you.
I think it's sooo funny when some people start spitting and foaming at the mouth with anger and frustration over someone else's
s ex life or s exuality. Why are some of you sooo angry that there are gay people out there in happy, loving relationships? Why?
They are almost as butthurt as gay guys are, oh was that offensive?
Nope, was pretty good joke, good on yea 🙂 Haha gonna use that one tomorrow!!! But you're definitely right, anti-gay people are extremely butt hurt and angry and it's sooo funny 🙂
Be rescued from the oppresive gay supporters as you were rescued from slave-drivers.
Adelina – Why not rescue the world from more like you and get yourself fixed? Moron supporters like yourself are far more detrimental to the well being of the great USofA than gays.
LOL yeah...all us oppressive gay rights supporters...we're sooo evil and oppressive, lining people up and executing them and preventing people from having jobs and the sort..and taking away your rights...yup, we're sooo oppressive
Don,
I'm glad you found peace and realized that the Love is the true religion to follow. Your article hit home since my three children go to the same Catholic school in Port Allen that caused some of your conflict. Unfortunately I am too certain that the school, church nor general community here have reached your level of understanding of acceptance. But the tide is turning. Sadly many of the comments to your story are from people who do not accept other people and refuse to understand biological realities that cause each of us to be who we are. It is sad because they fail to see the irony of their post. Thanks for sharing your story. It shows you are at peace with accepting who you are in an intolerant society. May peace always be with you.
... beautiful post ...
Thanks, Pecan. I appreciate your post.
When will we grow up and realize that we are not all that? We are not the center of the Universe and an "almighty creator" has better things to do than monitor us, regardless of what your books say. Why would the creator care what we do, what we eat, who we love, what we do with our bodies? These are very narrow-minded concepts that we created with our narrow-minded views of the world. The bible was written a long time ago. We need to evolve with newer concepts of spirituality that is inclusive, not exclusive.
He cares because He loves you regardless if you acknowledge or not.
Patricia, you don't get it because you do not have a personal relationship with God. You don't respect the Bible. You make your own rules. And I imagine you have your own set of problems unique to those who are too proud to try to live a life approved by a Creator. God does care about our daily lives and our happiness. That is why he provided guidelines and examples in the Bible. And he gave us his son who died on the cross that we might be saved from our sins.
.. I'm still not convinced... However, let's say God does care – I doubt very seriously that he has an opinion about absolutely every little thing we do.We just think that way because we think we're the center of the Universe.
Opinionated – I wanted to respond to your comment about me having a unique set of problems. That's quite a reach. I am very happy with how I choose to live my life. I have no deep dark secrets or skeletons in the closet or anything like that. Also, you are correct about one thing – I do make up my own rules: don't lie (ever ever ever), communicate openly and sincerely, family and friends are important, nurture loving relationships, make time for fun, be generous on all levels, and live according to a high ethical standard (professionaly and personally).
I believe until we leave the politics of the bedroom and focus on politics of the heart none of us will ever be truly free from oppression.
Nobody has a CLUE what God wants/thinks/desires/hopes .. we are so egotistic and narrow-minded and narcissistic that we make up volumes of religious texts written all about us. When will we grow up and realize that we are not all that? We are not the center of the Universe and an "almighty creator" has better things to do than monitor us, regardless of what your books say.
sorry for the double post. I got an alert that led me to think they had moderated this one out of the pile :-/
Teaching kids perversion as normal is real child-abuse that deserves eternal damnation. No thanks to slavery to Western s-e-x-ual perversion.
Forcing religion upon a child is literally brainwashing.
It's a disgusting practice that should have been criminalized long ago, at least in the civilized world. It's the 21st century FFS. Let's stop living in the dark ages.
Down with delusion! Down with imaginary friends! Down with SkyDaddy!
Allowing you and your narrow pea brain within 50 feet of a child is child abuse, moron.
Religion is good. Neutrality on morality is evil and barbaric. Sodom did not survive, neither pervert USA will.
Amen!
Aww, too bad, Adelina. You can't do a thing about it. People are going to teach their children to love others and be accepting of those who are different.
How terrible! How unlike Christ!
Sucks to be you.
The h0m0phobic Christians here are incredible hypocrites. If they ACTUALLY cared about what the Bible says, they would trash all their fellow Christians who commit adultery by divorcing and remarrying. There are FAR FAR more of them than gays. Just pick and choose the sins you agree with and forget those that you and your family and friends are guilty of.
Very well said Observer. Can I get an amen??!!!
Excellent !
@Observer: No Christian is proud of sin but repents and teaches repentance and transformation. Perverts are proud of sins and try to drag everyone into the destruction along with them. The foundational difference.
True Christians do not claim to be perfect and judge others, they simply trust in a perfect God and let him do the judging. Just because certain Christians act a certain way that does not put all Christians in that same category.
True Christians don't judge? What world are you living in? Everyone is judged, if you walk outside with a booger in your nose someone will judge you, if you eat that booger someone will judge you. It's what we do as people, it's easy to say not to judge if you don't know the true meaning why Jesus said not to judge. If you're living a righteous life how can you preach the word of God without judging?
I hate to say your right, but you are on that point for sure.
@Adelina
"Neutrality on morality is evil and barbaric"
Riiight, Evidence or your lying
"No Christian is proud of sin but repents and teaches repentance and transformation. Perverts are proud of sins and try to drag everyone into the destruction along with them. The foundational difference"
More lying from you as always, nothing but factless ignorant rantings picking and choosing what to follow and what to ignore in your book of inaccuracies, contradictions, and flat out impossiblities. Instead of being caring and accepting for people for what they are, you trash and lie and hate as always your so unchrist like.