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 Don Lemon with his grandmother on his third birthday.
May 22nd, 2011
01:00 AM ET
My Faith: How I learned to stop 'praying away the gay'Editor's Note: Don Lemon is a CNN anchor and author of Transparent, a memoir . By Don Lemon, CNN "School day, time to get up, sleepy head. School day." Although she's been gone since 1998, my grandmother's words ring in my head just about every morning of my life. That's how MaMe, as I called her, got me out of bed and off to my Catholic school when I was growing up and in her care. But before I shuffled my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine, I had to hit the floor on my knees to pray, just as I had the night before. It was usually The Lord's Prayer ("Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...") followed by asking God to watch and guide me through my day until I returned to the safety of my home that evening. But MaMe (pronounced MAH-me) didn't know that at a very early age her favorite grandson had begun to pray, silently, that God would change him from being different, from having crushes on boys, from being more curious about boys than girls. By age four or five, I was too young to sexualize my infatuations but I knew that everyone else, including my family and friends, would think it was wrong. Perhaps it was the conversations I overheard from adults around my hometown of Port Allen, Louisiana, who'd mimic gay people, calling them "funny" or "sissy" or "fagots." Perhaps it was Sunday mornings at our Baptist church, where preachers taught that liking someone of the same sex was a direct and swift path to hell. And that if that person would just turn to the Lord and confess his sin, then God would change him back into the person He wanted him to be - a person who only had crushes on the opposite sex. All of which meant that, from a very early age, I began to think I was dirty and that I was going to hell. Can you imagine what that feels like for a kid who was just learning to read and perform basic arithmetic? It was awful. And talk about guilt - I was a Baptist attending Catholic school! I prayed the silent prayer for God to change me every chance I got until I started attending college in New York. That's when common sense began to take hold and I realized that no amount of prayer would change me into something that wasn't natural to me. With my religious upbringing, I'd had the opportunity to study religious doctrine. But I learned from different perspectives, from Catholic Mass on Fridays to Baptist services on Sundays to vacation Bible school in the summer to Bible study with a Jehovah's Witness as a teenager. As I got older I began to realize that all these people and institutions interpreted the Bible somewhat differently. I had a sort of epiphany: the Bible was about the lessons you learned, not about the events or words. When I became old enough, intelligent enough and logical enough to discern the difference between metaphor and reality, everything changed. I realized that Jonah living in the belly of a whale was a parable written in the same vein as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. saying that he had "been to the mountaintop." Neither Jonah nor King had actually been to those places. They were metaphors for lessons for those of us who cared to absorb them. So many of us, especially in the black community and in churches, tend to think that religious teachings happened word for word as they were written in Scripture. I think that's naïve, even dangerous. That type of thinking - or non-thinking - keeps many religious people enslaved to beliefs that they haven't truly stepped back from and examined. That type of thinking causes people who are otherwise good to shun and ostracize young gay people. It causes people to want to control and change people who aren't like them. And who wants to be like someone else? Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be? Instead, we got on our knees, just as I did as a little boy, and prayed that slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women would end. In the United States, at least, those prayers have largely been realized. I'm no longer the member of any church but I do believe in a higher power. It's time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends. What we're doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Don Lemon. soundoff (4,733 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 Next »
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.  |
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Read the book of Romans 1:25-32 and see if this clarifies anything.
Geraldine Read Romans 2:1-2
The Bible also says that if a guy forces himself on a virgin, then she must marry him.
So what is your point?
Wasn't it Lot who offered his daughters to the Angels to sleep with before Sodom and Gamorrah were dessimated? Just saying...
As a progressive African Amerian woman, I'm disturbed by the comments. I socialize with other races and quite frankly our community is an embarrassment to the rest of the world. For example, we have a reputation for "hating ourselves". In other words, turning the hatred of others inward. This behavior is distructive and it gives into the hatred of others. I could go further but, I'll stay on point. Stop hating those positive people in the community and start embracing those who help nourish those in need of love and support. We have got to come out of the 1950's because it resembles those politicians who want to rollback our hard fought rights.
HILARIOUS RAPTURE PARODIES!! http://losangeles.ibtimes.com/articles/149992/20110522/harold-camping-may-21-rapture-doomsday-parody.htm
Sorry buddy. Jonah WAS in the belly of the whale.
as confirmed by many sources. Like...
(help me out here, thisisnotreal22, i'm blanking! who confirmed that?)
Well, lets see, the Book of JONAH in the Old Testament. Guaranteed to be true!
I wonder why my comments weren't approved? Hmmm.. Truth hurts, huh?
shame on u to believe that "i have right and correct philosophy". U may right what u say about the church, its doctrine,... But u miss one a big thing- the corner stone of the church, the head of the church- Jesus Christ. Come to Him. He will heal u
what? you criticize someone for thinking they have the right philosophy, then you state – factually – that your philosophy is right instead.
Sad...God is reaching for you and is willing to help you over come you sin. He made male and female and that is the way children are produce. Come on. You can do what you like. It definitely a choice. But to teach that you were born this was is truly an error and you need mercy. God is there to give it to you and to help you to change.
To those who don't believe in the Bible, thats your choice and I have no problem with that. The problem I have is that you want ME to believe the way you do. I believe in the Holy word of God, that Jesus is Lord and that He wishes for all not to perish but to have everylasting life. You believe however you want just don't try to ram it down my throat. God is just, righteous and His word is infallible. Alot of you spout things you truely know nothing about and you do not sway the ones you wish to sway. I wish you peace and the joy of the Lord. "Every knee will bow and every tongue confess" God bless all.
Amen!
Nobody is trying to force their beliefs upon you. Rather, we would just prefer that you, and others like you, stop hating and discriminating against those who are different from you.
Jojo, I don't see atheists going door to door trying to preach their way of life to me, unlike all those so called "bible believers" who do everything they can to "spread the lords words" and convert me, just saying.
interesting to see the difference in the responses.
we were all created different but for one purpose, that is to honor your creator.
every one of us whether christian muslim atheist agnostic or anything inbetween believes in something, and has a vice or sin or habit or problem that is either bad for us or the community.
The bible is hard to understand sometimes, I take it quite literally. but he overall theme is that the
Creator loves you and wants you to love Him.
Stupid comparison but I am left handed living in a right handed world, I adjusted, so should everyone else cause you are not judge nor jury. I am sure that everyone here has led a perfect life and has never done anything to be questioned as being wrong or un-christian. God is my judge, you are not his, get over yourselves. Congrats Don for living a truthful life, finally.
Mr. Lemon, your professionalism, compassion and dignity are to be admired. The number of people who will be inspired by your story will be many. Thank you.
I respect your bravery.No one needed to know about your life style.Alas,CNN is going to make it difficult for you to continue your work.
You are a good talent,I wish you all the best
Why would CNN make it hard for him to do his job, they can't fire him, over this, they would be liable if they did
Hey Maggie,
Depending on the state and whether it has included gay men and lesbians as a protected class, a company CAN fire an employee for being gay (not that CNN would....).
He didn't need to pray, he just needed to make better decisions.
he needs to do what his body tells him to, and if thats to be gay then thats fine
Sorry, but that's dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Don't we all, Skytag? Funny thing is, you have no way of knowing Don Lemon hasn't, so best not to presume.
@ vbscript2
well obviously it happened so its not that ridiculous
you know whats ridiculous? the idea that there is some man in the sky that created all the universe, our world, and all the little people in it
I'm fourteen and i don't believe in these fairy tales
grow up
Since you are only 14, statistics unfortunately predict that you have decades of living before taking your very last breath on this earth...at that moment, you will believe but it will be too late. So sad. Protest all you want, but the truth of God in Heaven is real and you have your lifetime to deny it. It's your God given right to choose whether you believe or not. I pray that one day you will.
14, smart and thinking for yourself. Bravo, keep it up!
Hmmm, let me guess, one or both your parents are atheist/agnostic
Hey Gloria, stop preaching to this 14 year old, it's obvious that they are smart enough to form thier own opinion, I wish that I was that smart and well informed at 14 but sadly I was too busy having religion shoved down my throat by others who thought that I should have their beliefs, lucky for me that I grew up and got a brain of my own.
Hmmmm, let me guess.... one or both of your parents are intelligent?
Gloria, are you saying it's unfortunate that this 14-year-old will live a long life? How f-ing sad are you?
Not saying it's sad this 14 year old will live a long life, just sad that it will be a life living in darkness as to the truth. I credit him as well as all the others who bashed my post with hateful words their right to believe whatever they do. I just know that when each of you takes your last breath, you will realize you were wrong and that is sad. If you feel that someone who believes fully in God is wrong, well I'd rather live my life with the peaceful existence that trusting God brings to me, than live my life in the cynical self-supporting chaos a life without belief brings to some. I have no hateful words to any of you who posted. I wish you all a very happy life. Just as each of you expressed your opinions about what you believe, I did also.
Congratulations, Don, on your courageous liberation from unwarranted fear and shame. Thank you for sharing your experience & wisdom with the world. You will inspire hope and understanding in others. I hope you can also inspire colleagues, who too, are public figures who could profoundly impact your and their viewers in an enlightening and uplifting way.
Not saying it's sad this 14 year old will live a long life, just sad that it will be a life living in darkness as to the truth. I credit him as well as all the others who bashed my post with hateful words their right to believe whatever they do. I just know that when each of you takes your last breath, you will realize you were wrong and that is sad. If you feel that someone who believes fully in God is wrong, well I'd rather live my life with the peaceful existence that trusting God brings to me, than live my life in the cynical self-supporting chaos a life without belief brings to some. I have no hateful words to any of you who posted. I wish you all a very happy life. Just as each of you expressed your opinions about what you believe, I did also.
How sad. And to think he was in the right direction. It's not wrong to be gay, just to act on gay impulses. He better get back on his knees and start praying. God created man and woman. Adam and Eve. This is the way it's always meant to be. A Christian who denies this should not call themselves Christian. I stand for God and for traditional marriage.
Amen to that Brother!!!
idiots like you should be put in a display case to be laughed at by all of society
then your for polygamy, you know that right? polygamy IS the traditional marriage in the bible. and since a certain percentage of us have ALWAYS been gay and some of us are born trans gendered or otherwise not the standard male/female then you either think god is a f-ck up or you disagree with his creation and......
WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT OTHERS DO???????
In 20 years, this will be seen as a bigoted statement. I cannot fathom that the God in which I believe is this prejudiced. Neither can I fathom why His followers would be.
You only think it's sad because that's not how YOU would live YOUR life. How about living your own life and let others live theirs, then you won't be so sad.
In 20 years? How about now?! I think Anthony's statement is bigoted NOW!
Well the thing is that everything has balance especially nature, for example you cannot make grey color by just mixing two whites or two blacks.
why do you need gray?
the christian or any other church does not own god or morality. any truly enlightened person or god does not care how you love, the people and churches that are so focused on se xuality are the perverts not this author, I'm white, I'm straight, ex marine, husband, father and middle aged business owner, and yes I support universal civil rights for ALL, any one who doesn't needs to deal with THEIR OWN demons...... not project them on every one else
cheers.
Perfect, lance corporal. That's the bottom line isn't it – people spend too much time projecting thei insecurities, fears, loathings, dreads, jealousies, persuasions etc on to others. Live your own life.
its funny people, but even an electrical socket has male and female piece, two plugs are as useless as well as two sockets. they only work if there is male and female piece. so now gays will try to change the whole electrical system and well as everything else in the world that works this way. LOL. be gay and be quiet and no body will be against you, but when you try to brain wash our kids in elementary school that there is another way of living, then you ask for WAR and its on. black people have nothing to do with this and I bet they all will back me up on this.
You really sound like a fool....stop talking.
is that all you got to say!!!
Tim,
That was genuinely the worst analogy I have ever heard for anything in my life, and I'm a high school English teacher. We are all dumber for having read that. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Great article, Don.
all the people who back you up, no matter what size shape or colour they are, are the type of people sociaty laughs at due to there stupidity, thats why im laughing at you
you think human love compares to socket types? THAT's what you think it's about?
WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT OTHERS DO????
Truth
you presume to speak for the entire black community on this? How about letting them speak for themselves. By the way, nobody's starting a war with you. Seems that you want to pick a war, based on your own discriminations.
@Texasteach; nobody here is impressed that you are an English teacher.
once again, i dont care what they do behind closed doors, but when they bring it out and into elementary schools that's when its overboard. want to be gay, fine be one but don't scream it to the whole world. I don't go around telling people i that i am straight, and they shouldn't ether. be gay and BE QUIET!!!!!!!
I have more to say you moron. That comment about "just be gay and keep quite about it" is exactly why we should shout even louder. No one is trying to brainwash your kids you jacka$$. Giving gay tax paying American citizens the rights they deserve has NOTHING to do with your kids. If you want to brainwash your kids at home into being bigots and hate mongers then you have that right. But your personal beliefs do not have the authority to dictate what rights other people have. I am sick of people using their kids as an excuse from keeping gays from getting rights. People are BORN gay not RECRUITED!!! And if you are too thick headed or just plain stupid to understand that then you are just a waste of skin and not worth the air you breath.
i never said stop being gay, BE GAy and BE QUIETE!!!!! no one needs to know you are gay and if they dont know you are gay then there is nothing else to talk about.
You have the power to Stop all the "harassment", just BE QUIET!!!!!!!
@Skytag: I'm impressed that Texasteach is an English teacher (and in Texas no less). Try controlling a room full of bratty, ignorant, hormone-crazy teenagers, let alone teaching them to use the English language properly. Go ahead, I dare you.
Leave it be guys... this one be a troll
Hey tim. Go back to your bridge.
Tim,
Yes. Just "be quiet" like all the other people who were denied equal rights. Like it's HIS fault. Sure.
I'll be quiet when I have equal rights.
Tim,
Nobody should call you a fool. In fact I know a lot of people who are fools... but I don't judge them for it. It's not the fool I laugh at, just the foolish things you/they say. You may have been born an idiot, but you certainly can choose not to say these idiotic things... yet you do. If you want to be a fool, that's your right. Go ahead. But please do not speak publicly because we don't want to listen to your drivel.
Well your analogy was kinda dumb but i understand what you're saying.
You religious freaks should be ashamed of yourselves and realize we are in the year 2011; slowly put away your religious fairy tales and read a science book and learn the true awe's of the universe.
what?
I've read plenty of science books... probably more than you since I'm an engineer. As an engineer, I find it completely laughable that someone could think everything in the universe could be created by chance. It just doesn't work that way. If you want to have a good laugh, start looking into the probabilities for the events that would have to occur in the right place and time for macroevolution to result in the extremely complex lifeforms we see on earth. It's utterly ridiculous.
I read the Bible and modern science books. I went to a private Christian university to get my science teaching credential. Science and faith are not opposites I have severl Bible and Science books in my collection.
vbscript: That is why you are an engineer and not a physicist or biologist.
Sassan you are satan
Albert, I am not sure if this is the case in the university you went but any university that teaches creationism and claims evolution did not happen is not teaching science by definition.
Okay Christian hater. Now go defend a Muslim (somebody practicing a religion that tells them to kill you).
@vbscript2: you would think that as an engineer, you would know that things that are complex (like the universe) are either poorly designed or not designed at all. Things that are intelligently designed are, in fact, simple.
Whats more, it's ludicrous to accept as "fact" the writings of primitive, uneducated men from thousands of years ago who believed the earth was the center of the universe and who feared some unseen tyrant in the sky, all the while mistaking coincidence for causation every time one of their prayers was 'answered.'
Besides, if there were a god and it was benevolent, it wouldn't seek your worship and praise: only someone with low self-esteem or an over-inflated ego (like a tyrant) does, which means there wouldn't be any religions. Therefore, either there are no gods or it is, in fact, a tyrant (which would make you its slave).
@Elizabeth: you are a F00L.
@ vbscript
the probability of the universe working out exactly the way it has is 100%, due to your sample size – things that have happened. Consider all the possible universes too. No one is in them asking "wow, its so unlikely that things turned out this way" because they didn't turn out that way.
let me put it another way. The sky is blue. You ask "what are the odds that the sky is blue, out of ALL the colors?"
and yet, if the sky were green, you would be asking "what are the odds that the sky is green, out of ALL the colors?"
there are a bajillion systems that did not evolve into something complicated, and some that did. You cannot reasonably disprove evolution by taking one example of something complicated and asking "what are the odds that it turned out exactly this way?"
Look at it another way. The "probability" of any single event you can name happening is almost nothing, calculated the way you want to calculate it. Yet look how many things happen.
djl
sorry but there are quite a few examples of well designed, complicated, man-made things.
You try making a simple computer. you saying computers are poorly designed because they are complicated?
@vbscript2
Are really trying to argue evolution or am i just hallucinating?
By now, evolution should be widely accepted, whether you are a believer in God or not. Evolution is fact, it did happen, it is still happening, and will continue to do so.