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 Don Lemon with his grandmother on his third birthday.
May 22nd, 2011
01:00 AM ET
My Faith: How I learned to stop 'praying away the gay'Editor's Note: Don Lemon is a CNN anchor and author of Transparent, a memoir . By Don Lemon, CNN "School day, time to get up, sleepy head. School day." Although she's been gone since 1998, my grandmother's words ring in my head just about every morning of my life. That's how MaMe, as I called her, got me out of bed and off to my Catholic school when I was growing up and in her care. But before I shuffled my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine, I had to hit the floor on my knees to pray, just as I had the night before. It was usually The Lord's Prayer ("Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...") followed by asking God to watch and guide me through my day until I returned to the safety of my home that evening. But MaMe (pronounced MAH-me) didn't know that at a very early age her favorite grandson had begun to pray, silently, that God would change him from being different, from having crushes on boys, from being more curious about boys than girls. By age four or five, I was too young to sexualize my infatuations but I knew that everyone else, including my family and friends, would think it was wrong. Perhaps it was the conversations I overheard from adults around my hometown of Port Allen, Louisiana, who'd mimic gay people, calling them "funny" or "sissy" or "fagots." Perhaps it was Sunday mornings at our Baptist church, where preachers taught that liking someone of the same sex was a direct and swift path to hell. And that if that person would just turn to the Lord and confess his sin, then God would change him back into the person He wanted him to be - a person who only had crushes on the opposite sex. All of which meant that, from a very early age, I began to think I was dirty and that I was going to hell. Can you imagine what that feels like for a kid who was just learning to read and perform basic arithmetic? It was awful. And talk about guilt - I was a Baptist attending Catholic school! I prayed the silent prayer for God to change me every chance I got until I started attending college in New York. That's when common sense began to take hold and I realized that no amount of prayer would change me into something that wasn't natural to me. With my religious upbringing, I'd had the opportunity to study religious doctrine. But I learned from different perspectives, from Catholic Mass on Fridays to Baptist services on Sundays to vacation Bible school in the summer to Bible study with a Jehovah's Witness as a teenager. As I got older I began to realize that all these people and institutions interpreted the Bible somewhat differently. I had a sort of epiphany: the Bible was about the lessons you learned, not about the events or words. When I became old enough, intelligent enough and logical enough to discern the difference between metaphor and reality, everything changed. I realized that Jonah living in the belly of a whale was a parable written in the same vein as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. saying that he had "been to the mountaintop." Neither Jonah nor King had actually been to those places. They were metaphors for lessons for those of us who cared to absorb them. So many of us, especially in the black community and in churches, tend to think that religious teachings happened word for word as they were written in Scripture. I think that's naïve, even dangerous. That type of thinking - or non-thinking - keeps many religious people enslaved to beliefs that they haven't truly stepped back from and examined. That type of thinking causes people who are otherwise good to shun and ostracize young gay people. It causes people to want to control and change people who aren't like them. And who wants to be like someone else? Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be? Instead, we got on our knees, just as I did as a little boy, and prayed that slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women would end. In the United States, at least, those prayers have largely been realized. I'm no longer the member of any church but I do believe in a higher power. It's time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends. What we're doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Don Lemon. soundoff (4,733 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 Next »
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.  |
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I must ask. Why did God make such imperfect creatures? Is life nothing but "The Naked Prey"?
Define perfect.
i'm sure your definition of what is imperfection is not God's defintion of imperfection. Finite human mind vs Infinite mind of God. You be the judge.
Look at that ROOSTER on the picture, that sits on the window curtains 😀 Good article, right to the part about child abuse. It is not a child abuse.
This really took me back. As an adolescent, going to bed, praying in the dark to let it be a phase, to make it go away – tears streaming down my face. I hope some day no young person ever has to go through this
I completely agree. I hope you are doing well, now.
Thanks – 35 years laster I am doing great 🙂
HONESTLY, folks, some of you who cite cherry-picked verses out of context by the rote brainwashing you had as a child (me, too, by the way) are as extreme in your "Christianity" as are members of the Taliban and Al Qaeda are in their "Islam." Neither extreme is correct or gets us anywhere but to hatred, discrimination, and fear. All extremists/fundamentalists are reactionaries to those things they fear, and fear usually comes out of lack of knowledge. Try being more Christ-like than damning those you really do not know or that you fear.
Should muslims therefore be more mohammad-like?
To RESPONSE: Yes, and adhere more closely to caring for others, being kind and good, doing everything one can to make the world a better place. Once you accept the Bible and the Quran as books that, overall, stress what we call the Golden Rule (and so does virtually every other religion), we are far more alike than different. Extremists corrupt the message.
Agreed.
blf83, The Word of God is alive and always growing. Christians seek knowledge and God unveils what He wants for those that seek. You non- believers don't endure to the end. You give up at the drop of a dime refusing to seek His wisdom.
Amen.
Timely article that should thought-provoking and not knee-jerk action causing. Thank you.
Some of you keep blabbering as if what you say about gays will change anything. People don't choose their orientation; if they did, you could change yours at will. Let me know when you accomplish that, will ya?
So, you do not choose to be rude and insulting, you were simply born that way? 😉
Nope. I choose to be rude and insulting to morons like you who choose to remain ignorant.
Now when are you going to change your s3xual orientation? Go ahead, Kreskin.
I'm happy with my choice of s3xuality, thank you. Why, are you hitting on me?
Thanks for proving my points.
You're a hoot. Glad I could provide you with a little self-assurance.
And you're an azz. Glad you could help make that even more apparent.
@Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son
Ok, this post has been "moderated" twice now because I fail to re-read my own posts...lol. Here is (finally) my response:
Because you'd like to change yours?
Now, before you mis-read it, I do believe that some people choose their orientation because of some reason or another. However, I believe that the overwhelming majority have an innate desire for those of the same gender. I do not recognize that the proclivity towards the same gender is sin, but rather fornication is. Since the Bible explicitly outlines marriage as a covenant with God between one man and one woman, it would be impossible for a h0m0s3xual couple to ever have a s3xual relationship with each other and still be in the context of either a) a Christian marriage nor b) a Biblically approved s3xual relationship
Tommie Tom, believing one's self to be g-ay is the same sin of pride that you have with your big ego in tack. Neither have the wisdom to go humble so they can read Jesus' truth in the Bible to comprehend what He teaches. It's all about Jesus, but you fools truly believe it's all about you, you, you. Too simple.
Amen.
I think that 'praying the gay' away is as pointless as praying for brown eyes when your eyes are blue. Being gay or straight is what you are from day 1 and no amount of praying is going to change that, nor should it have to. The best thing you can become in life is yourself.
Then you will have only "yourself" to blame, when you find out you were dead wrong.
Extremely good article. I enjoyed reading it. It is a satisfying thought to know that you came to your senses and realzied that religion is biased. well that my opinion anyway, just more you found your own path, and your own light, and hopefully you will continue to follow with your heart. 🙂
Eh, I didn't like the article. It didn't seem very cohesive and the end seemed a little non-sequitor and forced. Felt more like the author just wrote down every little thought in their mind.
Hats off to Don Lemon!
Yea man get with it, it is in keeping within the Christian belief system he kill him, just make sure he doesn't kiss him.
I really will pray that you turn from your gay lifestyle. And if God makes you straight, come back and give your testimony of your change being straight to the rest of gay people of this world.
Doesn't work that way. Don't you know any gay people? Hasn't it occurred to you that prior to accepting it, many gay people have already prayed themselves blue in the face to not be gay? One cannot pray it away. One can only pray for the strength and courage to accept it.
Be sure that you pray for an open mind, as well.
So your prayers will be more effective than all the 'crying out to the Lord' that Don (and so many of us) have done, yet our orientation never changed? Yeah, that's not arrogant. /eyeroll
Where is my post?
Pray for the sinner to find God, and accept His gift of salvation through His Son. Whether gays are sinners or not is not the most important thing: a sin is a sin and we are ALL sinners, for different reasons. Sins will kill us as God does not accept that behavior from us. He created us and we must follow his commands. Gratefully, he provided a way out: Jesus!
Who put YOU in charge to judge. That in and of itself is a SIN.... Look in the mirror.
He created us. Why did he create gays? If it's wrong to be gay, then why did He make gay people? I have never understood this!! There are those who experiment with different lifestyles and I'm not addressing those people. But genuinely gay people ARE born that way!
Well said, Don Lemon, and good for you. A courageous and true article.
Courageous, yes. Truth, no. It's only his opinion.
No one believes every word of the Bible. They just pick and choose whatever agrees with their own feelings and ignor the rest. That's why h0m0phobes pick the quotes they like while totally ignoring the Golden Rule. They could pick love and compassion, but prefer to select hatred.
Amen! and they call it "biblical preaching" while they cherry-pick verses out of context.
I won't argue your points. People are people. Flawed, whether created or evolved.
Having been a Christian for 30 of my 62 yeas I am not sure where you find the right to hate. Christ's word was that hate is the same as murder. We are all sinners only forgiven by the blood of Christ. Do not judge the THe Lord by His followers but by His words. We "the followers screw it up always".
LOL, I just realized that there is another "Jeff" posting...
@maggie, not sure which Jeff you meant. I'm the one posting about eternal consequences (not necessarily *punishment*...but that is what Hell is – what we get for rejecting God).
People cannot fathom a "literal bible" because it's not true. Simple.
Support this claim...please?
Once again prove it.
6 millions animals on a boat, creationism, adam and eve ( and their kids, can u say incest ? )
4 corners of the earth ( flat world ) .. heaven is above the firmament ( been in space not true )
Theres tons more but one of these looney stories is enough proof its bs to anyone with more then 2 brain cells
Jeff: Geological evidence states the Earth is older than 6000 years. And the evidence for Evolution is overwhelming.
yeah...prove that the entirely made up story pieced together from made up stories that came before it and represented in a book that has been translated from the original language and written by multiple rulers over the years (its called the king james version for a reason you retards) isn't completely true!
Im telling you i can make cheese float, make it clean my house
prove me wrong ... that whole argument is ridiculous, in lack of an answer, dumb people choose magic
Dante,
About your points; (and I do not believe the bible is meant to be literal in all cases)
The bible tells that Adam (and the earth) were created with age. Adam was not created as an embryo, but as a grown man. The earth also was created with age. So yes, our science indicates that age.
@Response,
Please tell us about snakes that understand language and speak.
Yeah, it also says adam and eve were the first people. so that means that everyone that came after them are inbred. that means you cletus.
Not sure who "cletus" is, but if you believe a literal bible, then yes. I don't though. Have fun.
So sorry to disappoint you but I have a Masters in Science and i believe the literal Word. I did not go to a podunk Christian college but to a major university which battled my belief constantly. I graduated with a 3.9. I did so by reading everything on both sides of the debate written by firm believers.
Observer,
Again (for those who missed it) I don't see the bible as a completely literal work. Nor do I believe it is a comprehensive history. It is a religious text, written by men (supposedly) inspired by god.
Isn't it funny how religious people believe in a 'literal bible' when it fits their needs but are much more 'fluid' in their beliefs when the bible is either proven to be unquestionably wrong or doesnt quite match up with what they are saying?
@Response
Making something with "age" is certainly an odd concept – why do it? Not only that, but you would need to place the stars in the sky AND place light coming from those stars because we can see light that has been traveling for millions of years. Why create such an elaborate illusion? Also, man did evolve, and the huge fossil record completely goes against a created man.
Dante,
As to "why" I couldn't answer. If, however, creation occurred, this would be the only way to reconcile the facts of science. Otherwise, god would have created seeds, not plants, eggs instead of birds, etc. Make sense?
Mike,
People believe what they choose. WHY they choose is just as meaningful as WHAT. Would you agree?
@ Dnate: And if I recall, the sun, moon and stars weren't created until the third day. Must have been awful cold and dark them first couple of days!
@Dante
The truth is that neither any Religion nor Science has any more facts that the other. We all have presuppositions/biases about the facts that lead us to agree with one over the other. I disagree that there is *any* evidence of Evolution. Even Darwin was skeptical about his own theory. As for geological methods of determining the age of the Earth, I assume you are talking about carbon dating or isotope dating. Carbon dating is only relatively accurate up to a few thousand years at best, as is radioactive or isotope dating. All of these methods also would be failing to take into account the Biblical flood as a source for such environmental changes that could bring about variations in the results from using any of the aforementioned dating methods.
As for 6 millions animals, it's been proven that, in order to create all the various mutations of the overwhelming majority of animals on the earth, we wouldn't only need a handful of the "originating" animals. I know you won't consider it a valid resource because it doesn't support your particular bias against Creationism, but AnswersInGenesis.org is a great resource for understanding the Christian bias.
I would. That's why when i see people that believe in a fairy tale that has been feed to them by people who also had that fairy tell fed to them and so on and so on it makes me laugh and highlights their ignorance.
Jeff, if you were any dumber, we'd have to water you. There is no proof of religious beliefs. None. There is proof of scientific fact.
@Jeff Wait...so let me see if I understand this. The religious explanation for how noahs ark was able to carry every animal that we have today in very few species is basically because they would evolve and create the rest....but at the same time..evolution doesnt couldn't possibly be the explanation for how man got here..because the bible says so? And you don't think thats a little stupid?
Mike,
I wonder WHY you believe that way. Makes you feel superior to those you laugh at I suppose.
@Mike and Dante
I'm not sure how relevant your claim of my "ignorance" is. True Evolution (as used by Darwin) is a spontaneous increase in genetic information. Making a small dog bigger, or a big dog smaller isn't evolution. Neither is changing a moth's wing colors. Neither is growing an extra appendage.
I think my examples of Creation have stood up just fine so far...where are your examples of Evolution?
Sorry, last one should have been @Mike and Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son, not Dante (my apologies).
As for thinking that I'm contradicting myself, there is a WORLD of difference between Evolution and mutation. I've never viewed or even *heard* of evidence of Evolution, but I see mutation every day...which is exactly what every species on Earth has undergone to some degree or another.
More nonsense from you bible college, piled higher and deeper. Go ahead and tell us the definition of the word theory, as it applies to science, you dimbulb.
just for the record, I am gay and proud of it.
Aww, looks like I hit a nerve. The trolls are here and boy, are they threatened. If I were g ay, so what?
@Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son
"just for the record, I am gay and proud of it.", "Aww, looks like I hit a nerve. The trolls are here and boy, are they threatened. If I were g ay, so what?"
Sorry if I missed it...but I didn't see any posts between those two of yours, so I was just wondering how it appears you "hit a nerve"...??
@Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son
"Jeff, if you were any dumber, we'd have to water you. There is no proof of religious beliefs. None. There is proof of scientific fact."
Hmm...really? Dang...didn't see that one coming. "There is proof of scientific fact"? You mean...science uncovered facts that are exclusive only within the commonly accepted secular-scientific explanations of the formation of Earth? REALLY! Do tell....this is riveting.
Get it straight: facts are facts. They are not exclusive to anyone. Science and faith always have their own individual spins on what they mean. That's it...no surprise here I hope.
So what? My mom said there was nothing wrong with my being gay. That's a fact, not theory.
@Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son
"More nonsense from you bible college, piled higher and deeper. Go ahead and tell us the definition of the word theory, as it applies to science, you dimbulb."
theory (taken from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/theory):
an ideal or hypothetical set of facts, principles, or circ-umstances —often used in the phrase in theory
@Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son
"So what? My mom said there was nothing wrong with my being gay. That's a fact, not theory."
Actually, that's opinion. It's one that I would be inclined to agree with.
Fact: "A thing that is indisputably the case."
The "fact" that your mom said there is nothing wrong with you being g-ay can be disputed. Hence, it is no longer a "fact". There was no recorded evidence...and we all know none of us are perfect (including remembering things).
Jesus Christ, you're an idiot, Jeff. Posters can use any moniker they want, including mine. Including yours. Here, I'll show you.
@Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son
Not sure why you just flipped out. I am well aware that anybody may use any "name" they wish on CNN Comments. I assumed you were actually being either a) extremely open, or b) extremely sarcastic. As the IP address of the individual is not posting, how exactly would ANY of us have ANY clue that the message was not being posted by who it said was posting?
I'm bothered by the fact that you assume Christian = idiot. You base all your judgement on the assumption it is *blind* faith, instead of faith. You do not know me, nor what I've been through, and therefore cannot possibly make an accurate assessment on the reasons behind my acceptance of the Christian faith.
Jeff the bible does not teach eternal punishment. " The wages of sin is death" says the bible. Once someone is dead is acquitted for his sin. Please do not speak abusively about the bilbe if you never take the time to study in its entirety. The bible has be taken in whole not in part.
@maggie
How is Hell not an eternal consequence? Once you are condemned to Hell, there is no return.
And if you do not see Hell as a punishment, then what is?
Jeff, do tell us all EXACTLY what hell is like. You seem to think you've got the inside track on it. Go ahead and give us ALL the gory details. Then prove what you say is true without using the Bible. Go ahead, you lying sack.
@Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son
You can't claim Heaven or Hell without the BIble, silly boy. If you don't believe in the Bible, then you won't believe in Hell either.
Since I am going to use the Bible because I am citing it as the source of all Truth, here are a few side-notes of Hell:
Bible's Description of Hell:
fire and brimstone, burning wind, fiery oven, flames of fire, judgment by fire, unquenchable fire, furnace of fire, eternal fire, eternal punishment, fiery hell, pits of darkness, lake of fire
Punishment in Hell:
smoke of their torment, no rest day and night, weeping and gnashing of teeth, tormented, death, their worm does not die, destruction
@maggie
I believe Jeff is right on this one. "The wages of sin is death" refers to death without belief in Jesus which is eternal separation from God. Jesus has overcome death and hell to provide eternal life in heaven to all who believe in Him.
Won't do. If you can't produce corroborating evidence, you have no proof that hell exists. You lose.
@Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son
No different than attempting to supporting any other theory. According to pure Science, you cannot discount God. Science simply has no use for God because He can neither be proven *NOR DIS-PROVEN*.
However, this is also the defining difference between Creation and Evolution: the "father" of Evolution claimed that his theory would either be validated or invalidated if obvious evidence (not more theories, but actual and tangible evidence of a living creature displaying evolution) did not manifest within the next few generations. Darwin did not accept mutations, regardless of their severity, to be evidence of Evolution. Evolution is the increase in genetic information spontaneously. A third arm on a human, no matter how useful, is not Evolution. Neither is a color change in moths wings. These are adaptations through *mutation*.
In the end, if what I believed in is a falsehood, then I have lost nothing. Yet, if what I believed in is True, I have gained everything. Either way, I hope that I show love to all those around me – even if it appears "narrow-minded", or whatever other label the world wishes to throw on it.
You don't know what a "theory" is in the realm of science, you little twerp. Why didn't you learn something with that brain you were given? Guess you must have gone to some 3rd rate bible college, instead of getting a real education. What a shame.
@Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son
I'm ashamed. I thought we were having an educated (regardless of how you perceive it) conversation between two differing viewpoints. I'm sorry that I have offended you, but in no way is my definition of "theory" flawed. I don't appreciate being called a "twerp". I'm not expecting you to act in any dignified manner, but I would rather encourage you to maintain our discussion in a "healthy" manner.
While I am not perfect, I am also not ignorant in the areas of discussion we are having. Your pure conjecture of my educational experience is not only a far cry from the actual truth, but it also degrading to most higher education inst-itutions – seeing as how the overwhelming majority of them either began as a Christian-founded inst-itution, or were began with funding from Christian inst-itutions/denominations for the purpose of enlightenment about the world that was *created* for us.
If you want to have a conversation, great – I'm up for it! If you want to throw around name-calling and other such offensive and unbecoming tactics, count me out.
Wow...CNN really wont allow me to post anything. What happened to freedom of speech or in this case expression?
freedom of speech does not apply to the internet. it never has.
Better to be brain washed by the Spirit of God then the enemy of your soul. If you think this world is it and your opinon matters then you already missed it.