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 Don Lemon with his grandmother on his third birthday.
May 22nd, 2011
01:00 AM ET
My Faith: How I learned to stop 'praying away the gay'Editor's Note: Don Lemon is a CNN anchor and author of Transparent, a memoir . By Don Lemon, CNN "School day, time to get up, sleepy head. School day." Although she's been gone since 1998, my grandmother's words ring in my head just about every morning of my life. That's how MaMe, as I called her, got me out of bed and off to my Catholic school when I was growing up and in her care. But before I shuffled my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine, I had to hit the floor on my knees to pray, just as I had the night before. It was usually The Lord's Prayer ("Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...") followed by asking God to watch and guide me through my day until I returned to the safety of my home that evening. But MaMe (pronounced MAH-me) didn't know that at a very early age her favorite grandson had begun to pray, silently, that God would change him from being different, from having crushes on boys, from being more curious about boys than girls. By age four or five, I was too young to sexualize my infatuations but I knew that everyone else, including my family and friends, would think it was wrong. Perhaps it was the conversations I overheard from adults around my hometown of Port Allen, Louisiana, who'd mimic gay people, calling them "funny" or "sissy" or "fagots." Perhaps it was Sunday mornings at our Baptist church, where preachers taught that liking someone of the same sex was a direct and swift path to hell. And that if that person would just turn to the Lord and confess his sin, then God would change him back into the person He wanted him to be - a person who only had crushes on the opposite sex. All of which meant that, from a very early age, I began to think I was dirty and that I was going to hell. Can you imagine what that feels like for a kid who was just learning to read and perform basic arithmetic? It was awful. And talk about guilt - I was a Baptist attending Catholic school! I prayed the silent prayer for God to change me every chance I got until I started attending college in New York. That's when common sense began to take hold and I realized that no amount of prayer would change me into something that wasn't natural to me. With my religious upbringing, I'd had the opportunity to study religious doctrine. But I learned from different perspectives, from Catholic Mass on Fridays to Baptist services on Sundays to vacation Bible school in the summer to Bible study with a Jehovah's Witness as a teenager. As I got older I began to realize that all these people and institutions interpreted the Bible somewhat differently. I had a sort of epiphany: the Bible was about the lessons you learned, not about the events or words. When I became old enough, intelligent enough and logical enough to discern the difference between metaphor and reality, everything changed. I realized that Jonah living in the belly of a whale was a parable written in the same vein as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. saying that he had "been to the mountaintop." Neither Jonah nor King had actually been to those places. They were metaphors for lessons for those of us who cared to absorb them. So many of us, especially in the black community and in churches, tend to think that religious teachings happened word for word as they were written in Scripture. I think that's naïve, even dangerous. That type of thinking - or non-thinking - keeps many religious people enslaved to beliefs that they haven't truly stepped back from and examined. That type of thinking causes people who are otherwise good to shun and ostracize young gay people. It causes people to want to control and change people who aren't like them. And who wants to be like someone else? Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be? Instead, we got on our knees, just as I did as a little boy, and prayed that slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women would end. In the United States, at least, those prayers have largely been realized. I'm no longer the member of any church but I do believe in a higher power. It's time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends. What we're doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Don Lemon. soundoff (4,733 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 Next »
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.  |
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So here's my question to al those fervent "Christians" who truly believe that you can Pray-away being gay: So if you can pray away being gay – why cn't you pray away being a migit? If you can "pray away" being gay – why can't you pray away being a Moron or Autistic? If you can pray away the gay – why can't Sarah Palin pray away the vacuum beteeen her ears? Hell, if you can really pray away the gay – why can't Cristians pray away being Bigots!
I believe the inerrorant "Word of God" God does not change his mind Romans:1,Levitcus 20."He" is the same God Hebrews
13:8 However my prayer as a "Born again believer" is for "mercy"and that all whom has chosen this life style will come to
"Saving grace" of Jesus Christ, for you see "HE" died for "ALL" including me! For all have sinned and come short!
And yet, your "inerrant word of God" clearly claims that God does indeed change his mind. Several times in fact.
So...do you believe that the bible is inerrant? Or do you believe that God doesn't change his mind?
@Gwen
You quote Old and New Testament passaged and effectively assert that God's rules have remained unchanged from one book to the other.
Does that mean you live by all the rules in Leviticus?
If you do, I'll gladly eat a holy hat (yarmulke preferred – the Pope's hat it too big for one meal).
It's a great fairy tale. Now, for real, who abused you as a child?
He actually was abused, I saw him discussing the memoir in an interview. For someone who I have always respected and regarded as an individual with a sweet disposition when he's on air, I was horrified by all he had to endure. And impressed with how he's overcome it.
Not all gay people are abused children, it has to do with hormones in the womb and their brains. It's amazing how uniformed people are, why don't you do some research.
When my brother passed I had the opportunity to work with his church to plan his home going service. It was a Gay church. That church had more unconditional love than any Baptist Church I have ever been in. If I ever leave my church, and I may because of the teachings about Gay's, I would proudly join a Gay church. I am straight. To me they reflect Gods love for everyone more purely than most conventional churches. If you think about it sin is sin and no one is worse than another. I think the church/people single out being Gay draw attention away from our own.
Just caught this post. Thank you for sharing. I cannot begin to think how horrible it must be to pray every day to be someone else. I hope that the anti-gay movement goes the way of slavery sooner rather than later. I would love to see all my gay friends have the choice to get married, have kids and live the lifestyle they want without restriction.
Lol religious people are so hatefull....
| know right, it's amazing how hateful people can be 'out of love'
Danny, I know right- it's amazing how much people hate christians.
As against religion as I am, religious people are not always hateful. There are some very accepting religious people out there. I know because I have come into contact with many who accept that I am gay and who accept my views even though they might not agree with them. Not all Christians/Jews/Muslims/etc. "hate the sinner." Also, if you notice, this view of religious texts is growing. More people are viewing them as parables rather than historical truths. Personally, although I am nonreligious, I use religious texts for inspiration. I might not agree with everything in them, but there is still a lot of good. I really enjoyed this article because this is exactly what I went through (minus the part about being black.) I still believe in a God. However, I do not believe He wrote a book for us. People wrote the books with God in their hearts. Everyone can do the same.
"@izzisgirl: God doesn't *make* people act a certain way or make certain choices. We're given free-will to make choices that God considers offensive to Him or pleasing to Him."
Perhaps God doesn't make people act a certain way. But certainly he is all knowing right? And knows before he creates, whether or not his creations will 'chose' (as you say) to be gay. Therefore, he knows which beings will ultimately 'chose' to be gay, and continue to 'chose' to be gay throughout their lives until their deaths. And then after their death, he is going to punish them by not allowing him into the kingdom of heaven, correct? Why would he have created them in the first place if he new that ultimately their free will would have led them to decide not to be a part of the kingdom of heaven. Sounds like God is torturing people.
Your reasoning seems sound except for when you try to apply it to everyone. If your explaination was grounded, then would God stop all murderers, theives, and husbands who cheat on their wives? Man has a choice in all areas, you can't just apply God's all knowingness to one area.
@mmartin
Your reasoning seems sound except for when you try to apply it to everyone. If your explaination was grounded, then would God stop all murderers, theives, and husbands who cheat on their wives? Man has a choice in all areas, you can't just apply God's all knowingness to one area.
That's exactly the point, the explanation is not grounded because the concepts of Gods all knowingness contradicts with concepts of Gods absolute justice system, and those concepts are illogical, and one or the other are wrong. I am not trying to prove that God stops all murderers, theives, and cheating husbands. What I am explaining, is that he in fact creates the beings who commit the crimes before hand, KNOWING that they will live a life full of crime, never repent, and will ultimately be judged and destroyed.
Jesus didn't speak out against being gay. Apparently, there is not one sentence attributed to Jesus in the New Testament where he weighs in against this. Seems to me that is a pretty big oversight if this were an issue of any importance. The bottom line is that people can, and do, interpret Jesus' silence, in particular, and the Bible, in general, in different ways. There is no commonly agreed upon objective standard to determine who is right and who is wrong so everybody feels that they are right in their understanding of the Bible. Of course, there is also no objective standard to determine what religion (if any) has the market cornered on being the "right" belief system. Given this lack of objectivity coupled with having a wide range of choices, I think it is telling when people choose a religion, or stay if they are raised in a particular religion, that denigrates other people. I think the Bible magnifies what is already within a person which can be either good or bad depending on the person. If one is intolerant (or fearful), that person sees things in the Bible that justifies and increases their intolerance. Throughout history the Bible has been used as a hammer against groups of people. We look back now and wonder how these things could have happened. The current vendetta against gay people will prove to be no different. Those that show their righteous indignation against our fellow citizens are, at the end of the day, no different than any other intolerant person.
“You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” Anne Lamott
I just wish that someone would have told me. I just wish that someone would have prayed for me. I just wish that I had good parents who instead of placing fear in my heart would have put Love in it. Look I have dealt with sin in my own life for a long time. I was only recently able to turn the corner on it; I did it through my faith in Jesus. A Christian should not start a conversation on sin by condemning anyone to hell. And those Christians posting comments about hell should check themselves. What I do know is that no matter where we are in our lives Jesus accepts us and loves us unconditionally if we come to him. Once we accept that love and learn to live it we then begin to change and are truly born again. Everyone here knows what we Christians believe in and it is of no use beating someone over the head with it; that only stirs up wrath. If my only son would tell me he was g-ay I would still love him and pull him into Jesus love for him. I wish the author had someone who loved him enough that he felt he could talk to at that young age; maybe then he would not feel the way he does about the church and Jesus. For God so Loved the world that he gave his only son that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life.
And you lean on your own understanding.
It is amazing that we have reached the point where once some believes that someone lifestyle is wrong (just like saying someone smoking or taking drugs is wrong), they are considered a bigot, a hater, and a lot worse things. WOW. I think those who judge those of us who have a different perspective are the haters, and bigots. Why can't we all have our own opinions without bashing each other. I don't agree that the gay lifestyle is right, but I don't have anything against gay people (so I guess I am a bigot, a hater and all the things you people say we are if we have such an opininon right?)
Do you also disapprove of the redhead lifestyle? Or the left-handed lifestyle? Or the slightly shorter than average lifestyle? The thing about disapproving of the g-ay lifestyle is that people are born ga-y. It's not a choice. Should they live their lives in a way that is unnatural to them just to gain your approval?
Most g-ay lifestyles are not that much different than straight ones. G-ays grow up, get an education, get a job, pay taxes, explore the dating scene, fall in love, make a commitment (though most can't actually get married because of discrimination), maybe even start a family. Shocking, I know. The only difference is that they are attracted to people of the same gender.
However, it's your right to disapprove, as long as you don't try to legislate your disapproval, or incite violence and hatred. Then it becomes bigotry.
I think the implication was that it is ok to have a different opinion, but not when your opinion makes you want to interfere in the decisions of others. (i.e.- Advocating against gay marriage)
Thought provoking article Don. Bottom line....some day we will all stand (better said...kneel) before the Carpenter from Nazareth. And no ACLU lawyer, Hollywood actor, journalist, sports star, teacher or even preacher will join us in that Holy of Holies encounter. It will be just Him (He certainly earned that right via His life, death and resurrection....and if His tomb wasn't empty I wouldn't have gone to church this morning...as much as I love the music and more) and each of us individually. I sure am grateful we still have time to lovingly dialogue about issues that affect us all.
Or perhaps when we die, we will be dead, so now is the time to stop discriminating against our fellow humans who do no harm but are different for reasons beyond their control. Perhaps now is the time we start acting like intelligent beings and stop destroying the only planetary home we possess. Perhaps now is the time we set aside our differences and learn to live together.
Right on, Gary. @Tallulah13: Perhaps...but perhaps what the Bible says IS true, and if that's the case, then there are consequences for not following it. Eternal consequences.
LV, Please provide proof because there has never been a single scrap of evidence to indicate the existence of any god, much less the god of the bible.
@Tallulah13: You are welcome to that opinion, but if you believe there is no evidence of a higher power, you are willfully in denial. That's your choice, we all have free will to accept or deny God. But do know that choosing to ignore the evidence, and therefore the responsibility His existence requires of you carries consequences.
So in other words, LV, you have no proof. You could have just said that instead of threatening me with dire consequences that will happen after I die (thus unprovable) if I don't believe in your specific god (one of thousands created by humanity.)
Cynthia Saulter
"Don I admire your article but you are incorrect about "stop praying away the gay". God created man for woman and woman for man. God did not create man for man and woman for woman. I pray that you really search yourself and find out what God really wants for you life and correct it"
Cynthia, if G-d made everything and everyone on this earth, didn't He also make gay people? Does G-d make mistakes?
@izzisgirl: God doesn't *make* people act a certain way or make certain choices. We're given free-will to make choices that God considers offensive to Him or pleasing to Him.
When did you decide to be heterose-xual, LV? None of my g-ay and le-sbian friends made an active choice about their orientation. They all realized at a very young age that they were attracted to people of the same gender, even before se-xual thought entered their heads. I suggest you look up from your bible and learn something about the real world. You may find yourself surprised and a little ashamed.
@ L.V.
Perhaps God doesn't make people act a certain way. But certainly he is all knowing right? And knows before he creates, whether or not his creations will 'chose' (as you say) to be gay. Therefore, he knows which beings will ultimately 'chose' to be gay, and continue to 'chose' to be gay throughout their lives until their deaths. And then after their death, he is going to punish them by not allowing him into the kingdom of heaven, correct? Why would he have created them in the first place if he new that ultimately their free will would have led them to decide not to be a part of the kingdom of heaven. Sounds like God is torturing people.
Whatever in the world you want to do, whether it's to kill, enslave, or any horrible thing you can dream up, you can find other people who find it permissible, within their religion, to do it. That's why you can't depend on what other human beings say as a basis for believing anything. Unless you choose to believe that human intelligence represents the highest order in the universe, you probably believe in God. If you believe God is the author of truth, you'll find all the pertains to life and truth in his Word. Before you permit yourself to be blown around by endless, conflicting human standards, find out what God's standards are.
How do you go about finding out what Gods standards are if Gods standards are derived by human thought which encompasses human standards.
very true. maybe he forgot the passage about "not leaning on your own understanding." i had guilt as a child as well, and i was also tempted as a child. doesnt mean i was "born gay", etc.
"How do you go about finding out what Gods standards are if Gods standards are derived by human thought which encompasses human standards."
or better yet human intelligence
Well said, calmo. @Mr. Montijo: You spend time researching the validity of the Bible and understanding why many people believe it is God's Word conveyed through humans He chose.
very true. maybe he forgot the passage about "not leaning on your own understanding." i had guilt as a child as well, and i was also tempted as a child. doesnt mean i was "born gay", etc.
that again begs the question. how do you understand the concept of God without leaning on your own understanding. Better yet, how do you understand anything without leaning on your own understanding. Sounds like a contradiction.
Well said, calmo. @Mr. Montijo: You spend time researching the validity of the Bible and understanding why many people believe it is God's Word conveyed through humans He chose.
So in other words. You apply human intelligence & reasoning.
Thank you for this.
Thanks, Don! May you be richly blessed.
It's sad to realize that there's still people out there judging, hating, and discriminating other people out there. Some of these posts reveal ignorance and religious fanatism at it's best, for instance, the ones made by: Teddy, hrhobi, The Light, Edd, XWngLady, Anastasia, Jaysin, 1word, Lee Cherry, Tom in ATL, Jamila, Jimbob Joedan, Vmneb, Dee, Arthur, Cynthia Saulter, JWH, Quezz.
yup it's sad there isn't any compassion, understanding, and acceptence, not allowing equal rights for who they are and using their faith to justify bigotry and why it's okay to take another persons rights away or talk down to that person. It's just history repeating itself.
What a sad story. This world is only getting worse and not better. Even so...Come Lord Jesus Come!
Sad story? What the hell are you talking about? It's the religious bigots like you who have perverted and tarnished your own religion with the evils of discrimination and used it as a weapon against those whose lives have nothing to do with you but are in every way vital to the human fabric. Yes, we gay people, ARE a significant and important part in the story of this Earth. Procreation is NOT the answer – if anything, we should be drastically reducing it and working on the problems we have for the more we procreate, the more we add to the problem.
I believe Jesus would be very disappointed in your response and viewpoint – it's very Un-Jesus like. Jesus would have embraced – not disgraced.
How is this sad? Only a assidious bible follower would make such an ignorant statement. Ignorance is not bliss. Following the bible only leads to doom.
Jon that is a statement you dont have a shred of evidence too. this whole argument boils down to if there is a God or not. I believe there is and think that Jesus would be sad at the choice made. This person didnt have to pray the gay away but just had to believe that the word of God was absolute truth and trust that Christ could and would do something amazing with his life. and i think that is what tam is sad about. the fact that he never came to know what Christ had for him. At the same time if we are talking with the assumption there is no God then Ya Tam your a jerk, but the beautiful thing is no one can disprove God and science has to other evidence of how we got here. I will give that there is the THeory of Evolution but there is no proven evidence that it could work and if you disagree please look into it for yourself. Creation is a testament to Christ. and JR not to be rude but with out procreation there would be nothing. It is because procreation that you and i are even alive it is the only answer. without new life there are no new ideas and without new ideas, progression for solving problems stop. Dont hate Christianty becuase of one persons or mant peoples comments, look into it yourself and see that no where does anything but love have room in it.
James, wow you missed the point entirely. First of all, Jon has plenty of evidence to back up his statement. He just doesn’t have enough room in this comment section to list it.
Second of all, why would anyone believe that the word of a God who demands the persecution and suffering of his own children is absolute truth? And if they did, why would that make God suddenly change them from the way he had originally created them? If he hates gays so much, why would he put them on his Earth? Wouldn’t that be like buying a birthday cake you know you hate instead of the one that’s your favorite flavor, and then griping about how much you hate the cake? And don’t Christians say that God makes no mistakes?
And James, not be rude, but are aware of the population problem? The answer is not procreation. The answer is caring for the children that are already here; not creating more. And as for new ideas, the children that are already here have plenty of new ideas, but we don’t know what they are because they are just struggling to survive. We have more children on this Earth than we can care for, and once we can– once these kids can just sit and think without worrying about where their next meal is going to come from, new ideas will shoot up all over the place. As a child, I can say this. Life is a beautiful thing, but we can’t afford to bite off more than we can chew.
I am not gay, but I have a very close relationship with God. He is not the cruel judgmental God of the bible. He is kind, loving, and actually makes sense. And it saddens both of us see people use him as an excuse to cause his children pain. I will stop hating Christianity when blind Christians stop telling strangers (including me) how to live their lives. Maybe gays are here to teach Christians about love; true love. Perhaps it is the Christians who need to look into themselves and see that nowhere does anything but love have room in it.
Tell me what you want Glenn but if you don't believe in God and don't respect his word, you'll go to hell. Obviously you want to deny it with stupid excuses but in the end, there are only two ways. One is Heaven and the other one is hell, you choose.
The world isn't that black and white, depending on where you are born determines what religion you are, did you ever think of that? If Gods only choices for us are to believe in him or burn forever then he is doing a very poor job being all loving and all forgiving as he is also claimed to be.
Well, dear Arthur, thank goodness you aren't in charge of the universe. I can't imagine living in one where a god would burn people eternally. What purpose does that serve? Eternity? Writhing in pain? That isn't a loving god, that is a monster. Would you burn your child with a lighter to teach him a lesson? No? Why not? Seems like a good way to give them an idea of what kind of punishment they would be facing – plus, we are supposed to be made in the image of god..... should just seem the right thing to do, don't you think?
Christianity does not have a monopoly on truth. Doesn't mean they might not have some... but the whole thing?
Well sadly Arthur is right, but he does not convey it in a loving way. Info to say that region is religion doesnt make sense because it there is a huge mix of religion everywhere. And also (if we are going on the bases of there being a God) God can still be all loving by having one path. That path has people of every race and background on it which shows that no matter who or what your situation God can connect with all people through the Cross. Also God is all forgiving as long you ask for forgiveness. Mil9876 i agree that if God just burned people without giving them a chance that would not be a loving God at all. But the truth is that God has givin us the chance for enternal life through Jesus. He sent his son to die so that we would not have to suffer eternal pain. He gave us a free gift that we just have to ask for. Also i think your last question is best answered with the simple task of looking into it yourself. Read the new testament and see if you think it is absolute truth. You said it yourself that there might be some so why not discover what it is and question it to see if it truly is the word of God. I hope that cleared stuff up:)
Where in the Bible does it say that if you do not "respect His word you will go to hell"? Show me the passage and the verse. I dare you.
@James
"Info to say that region is religion doesnt make sense because it there is a huge mix of religion everywhere"
exactly if you are born in India what religion will be? what about in Pakistan? what about in secluded forest and jungle areas what religion will you be? Some regions in our world have never heard of Christianity or the Christian god before yet Arther says believe him or burn, God could have done a better job so all his children would know he exist all over and that the other religions were false but that is not the case.
a lot of regions only have one religion unlike in the the U.S. were we are secular with many religions, depending on where you are born is the religion that you will be.
Thank you for sharing this story Don.
By the way, what a cutie you were as a toddler!!