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 Don Lemon with his grandmother on his third birthday.
May 22nd, 2011
01:00 AM ET
My Faith: How I learned to stop 'praying away the gay'Editor's Note: Don Lemon is a CNN anchor and author of Transparent, a memoir . By Don Lemon, CNN "School day, time to get up, sleepy head. School day." Although she's been gone since 1998, my grandmother's words ring in my head just about every morning of my life. That's how MaMe, as I called her, got me out of bed and off to my Catholic school when I was growing up and in her care. But before I shuffled my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine, I had to hit the floor on my knees to pray, just as I had the night before. It was usually The Lord's Prayer ("Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...") followed by asking God to watch and guide me through my day until I returned to the safety of my home that evening. But MaMe (pronounced MAH-me) didn't know that at a very early age her favorite grandson had begun to pray, silently, that God would change him from being different, from having crushes on boys, from being more curious about boys than girls. By age four or five, I was too young to sexualize my infatuations but I knew that everyone else, including my family and friends, would think it was wrong. Perhaps it was the conversations I overheard from adults around my hometown of Port Allen, Louisiana, who'd mimic gay people, calling them "funny" or "sissy" or "fagots." Perhaps it was Sunday mornings at our Baptist church, where preachers taught that liking someone of the same sex was a direct and swift path to hell. And that if that person would just turn to the Lord and confess his sin, then God would change him back into the person He wanted him to be - a person who only had crushes on the opposite sex. All of which meant that, from a very early age, I began to think I was dirty and that I was going to hell. Can you imagine what that feels like for a kid who was just learning to read and perform basic arithmetic? It was awful. And talk about guilt - I was a Baptist attending Catholic school! I prayed the silent prayer for God to change me every chance I got until I started attending college in New York. That's when common sense began to take hold and I realized that no amount of prayer would change me into something that wasn't natural to me. With my religious upbringing, I'd had the opportunity to study religious doctrine. But I learned from different perspectives, from Catholic Mass on Fridays to Baptist services on Sundays to vacation Bible school in the summer to Bible study with a Jehovah's Witness as a teenager. As I got older I began to realize that all these people and institutions interpreted the Bible somewhat differently. I had a sort of epiphany: the Bible was about the lessons you learned, not about the events or words. When I became old enough, intelligent enough and logical enough to discern the difference between metaphor and reality, everything changed. I realized that Jonah living in the belly of a whale was a parable written in the same vein as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. saying that he had "been to the mountaintop." Neither Jonah nor King had actually been to those places. They were metaphors for lessons for those of us who cared to absorb them. So many of us, especially in the black community and in churches, tend to think that religious teachings happened word for word as they were written in Scripture. I think that's naïve, even dangerous. That type of thinking - or non-thinking - keeps many religious people enslaved to beliefs that they haven't truly stepped back from and examined. That type of thinking causes people who are otherwise good to shun and ostracize young gay people. It causes people to want to control and change people who aren't like them. And who wants to be like someone else? Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be? Instead, we got on our knees, just as I did as a little boy, and prayed that slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women would end. In the United States, at least, those prayers have largely been realized. I'm no longer the member of any church but I do believe in a higher power. It's time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends. What we're doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Don Lemon. soundoff (4,733 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 Next »
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.  |
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gayism is wrong but it shall pass because the bible says as it was in the days of lot so shall it be in the second coming of The son of man so gay people have to fufill gods word lets be happy that our beloved jesus is on the way brothers n sisters and look at that..
Hopefully He'll enlighten you with punctuation when He comes.
Don, God has not answered your prayer . . . yet . . . but it's coming . . . 🙂
The answer is "Hey, you're exactly the way you were made to be. Go live your life."
But the problem, It's not your life. You didn't ask to be here
Don, great article. I'm happy that the youngsters of my generation, those just now out of college, just starting college, or just trying to survive high school, have a role model like you to look up to. It's comforting to know that we have a chance of being openly gay members of society, with meaningful jobs, and real world influence. Keep spreading the good word and for those who oppose it, kill them with kindness. Show them the love that God would want them to show us.
God still loves him. And I forgive him.
Satan is the enemy, Not this man. Satan is twisted.
why do you forgive him? he has not done anything to you? what is there to forgive? He has done nothing wrong to anyone.
You "forgive him"?
Of what?
Has he hurt you?
@ Marie – why would you assume that a gay man is NOT God's best? More of the gay couples in my Church care for the homeless and do the corporal works of mercy than the straights. I remember before Vatican II my Catholic "friends" being concerned over my salvation because I was protestant (apparently, in their minds, a heretic from the "true" and "original" faith). I remember thinking how silly they were at the time.....They too quoted the Bible and talked about apostolic succession as absolute proof of this. They were silly then and those who twist the Bible to condemn gays are just as silly now. Its amazing how absolutely convinced they were.
@dorothy 1 john 2:3-4 They do not obey his commands.
@ crucified.....yes they do.....more than you do considering your posts.
Pretty simple: because God Word condemns it in the OT and NT and His Word hasn't changed. It's not about man's philosophies or opinions are beliefs and opinions, in the end, don't count. His is all that matters and He was clear on that matter.
"Pretty simple: because God Word condemns it in the OT and NT "
No it doesn't it condemns idolatry and prost-itiution. Plus only God says what is sin or not you don't know another person's heart. You're a je-rk.
@shane – Belief and opinions DO count. Belief is the whole point. You believe God exists. You do not know that God exists. You believe that there is an afterlife. You do not know that there is an afterlife. Nobody living does.
So is it right that millions of Americans are second-class citizens based on belief? I think not. Equality is supposed to be what America is all about. Separation of church and state is supposed to be what America is all about. Freedom of religion and freedom from religion is supposed to be what America is all about.
So if you believe that being gay is wrong, that's fine. You're free to believe anything you want. However, your belief that it is wrong does not make it so. Whether or not you back it up with the Bible, it's still nothing more than an opinion.
I know beyond all doubt that I did not choose to be gay, no more than I chose to be a white male. That is my truth and reality. I choose to accept who I am. I will not waste my life denying my true self for you or anybody. If there is a god, the matter of my orientation is between He and I.
Tend to your own back yard.
@shane - wasn't God clear when he said you should be stoned to death for working on the sabbath? (Exodus 35:2) Or that selling your daughter into slavery is okay? (Exodus 21:7)
Good point PoconoPhil. After all, as shane said, God's word hasn't changed, right? Yet followers dismiss all those other rules but cling to one that justifies their prejudice.
So a non- Christian gay male interprets the scriptures as not being real....why should anyone care? Either God is true and
His Word is true...or it is not. If true then gays know what their final destination is. I believe it is all true.
There are Christian gay males and females as well as Christian straight males and females who believe your interpretation of scripture is quite faulty and is leading you down a path of sinful thoughts and actions. Which, of course, would make your final destination the one that you think the gays are headed for.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpEyqRtJw_E&w=640&h=390]
I have one question for you mr don lemon ,why now? its bad enough that you blame your abusers for being gay.I would have had abit of respect for you had you come forward earlier.As for prayer you have to believe,all things are possible to him that believe.Because we re living in 2011 doesnt make it ok to be gay ,this is not about us its about GOD READ ROMANS CHAPTER 1.
Hopefully there is reincarnation and you'll be gay in your next life.
GIVE ME A BREAK WITH THE GAY BLACK DUDES....ENOUGH IS A ENOUGH...everyday i have to see these feminine men try come out to the world...so what you gay move on with your life..GAY IS NOT BLACK.. I am a strong masculine man and CNN is pushing Don and LZ like they represent me and other dudes like me..>NO WAY HOMIE...I don't need a bible to tell me it is not natural for men to lay with men. I don't care how you cut it buddy. Its not normal or natural...So if you are gay great but enough is enough I am tired of seeing these feminine black guyz..Show me some educated strong black men on this site for once.
"Its not normal or natural"
A panel of 154,000 experts in science and psychology disagree with you. As for natural that is why over 1500 other animal species have been doc-umented for have ho-mo-s-ex-ual relationships. Your ignorance on this subject is appalling.
@DUH you need to sight your source and if it is the one I am thinking of it was psychologist not scientist. It is a poor arguement what you are using to validate gayness. it is the same as saying because a person has a thought of murdering someone and if they act on it they are obsolved from judgment because they are made that way..in a sense blaming God for the sin they have to avoid judgement..actually that is what adam did in the garden.. he blamed God for sining because God made the woman for him..and the punishment was expulsion from the Garden..In the same way they will not be allowed in Heaven for their rebellion..jude 1:7 and the consequence burning forever in the lake of Fire.
@DUH those were not scientist...those were psycho-logist and you need to cite your sources, I don't think it was near that many.. but anyway it is really a silly arguement... it is the same as a murderer saying I had a thought to Kill so I was born that way so you cannot blame me...silly. in fact that is what Adam used in the garden...God it is your fault I sinned you made me this woman.. of course his consequense was expolsion.. there will be NO gays in Heaven because it is rebellion to what God says..they just did not LOVE God enough to change.
@crucified – I'm thinking it may be YOU who does not love God enough to change. You are condemning some of his most beautiful and giving creation. I'm sure He would not be pleased with that. I think you need to have a metanoia. We'll pray for you.
If the only people in heaven are like crucified, I don't want to go.
"you need to sight your source and if it is the one I am thinking of it was psychologist not scientist."
Keep showing your ignorance because you're to lazy to do your homework on this subject. You are clueless which is why your prejudice mind is your downfall to he-ll.
"they just did not LOVE God enough to change"
It's been proven that the reality is that ho-mo-se-xuality is not an illness. It does not require treatment and is not changeable. That is why there are gays in heaven and God loves all people. DUH!
Oh and there are gay relationships in the bible.
Ruth and Naomi
"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me."
David and Jonathan
“Jonathan became one in spirit with David and he loved him as himself.”
“After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with is face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together – but David wept the most.”
@dorothy you should read josephus along with your obviously liberal translation of the Bible. It may clear up your confusion on Leviticus..
@crucified – actually my interpretation isn't all that "liberal" unless one considers historical and literary criticism of the text to be "liberal." The more scholarly approach we take to the Bible, the more likely we are to get to the true meaning rather than the biased, and often prejudiced, meanings that we have attributed to the Bible in the past.
@dorothy like I said you should read Josephus. since the bible is not clear enough for you.He was a Jewish scribe of the time and spelled out pretty clearly the Jewish thought on gay.. Besides if they cannot procreate naturally it is unnatural. Stop being a stumbling block..or do you like mill stones around your neck.
@DUH Ruth Married Boaz! David Married Saul's Daughter, and had many many female concubines! you are really out there!
Do we really need to worry about procreating at this point?
"@DUH Ruth Married Boaz! David Married Saul's Daughter, and had many many female concubines! you are really out there!"
Nt before they had gay s-ex! LOL! Its all fiction dude grow up.
When I think of the sufferings of Jesus to give us "new life" 2nd corith 5:17 your comments are heartbreaking. Why would anyone in their "right mind" settle for less than God's best. My prayer would be Eph. 1-that God would enlighten the eyes of your understanding. Dont settle for less! Read the "Book" then choose! He would have done it all just for you!
Yeah, God's suffering makes a lot of sense. God killed himself so that he could forgive people for the sins they did not commit. But he was too scared to die so he asked himself if he really had to go through that. If you had not been brainwashed with that since you were a baby, you would be amazed that people can believe in that much gibberish.
@stephanie that was a weak rhetoric... Jesus was never scared to die...the cup represents wrath. hense the seperation from the triune. In the moment of bearing your sin there was a seperation.. that was reunitedin the accession..Jesus was wanting an alternative to the seperation. You obviously want the seperation.
Don will never get help because you people at CNN filter the responses – Don Read Romans chapter 1
getting a good dose of the Holy Ghost will drive out that oreintation
I bet you get your "good dose of the Holy Ghost" while bending over a chair.
Sorry, won't happen. Telling God what to do is the wrong mindset.
Don doesn't need help. God made him gay, deliberately.
And yet you all wonder why you are losing your power.
@Keith. I am really curious as to where you and crucified are copying all your hate propaganda from, as it is becoming very clear that you could not string together a proper thought between the two of you.
Do you have Old Nazi propaganda, and just change the word "Jew" to "Gay"?
Or are you typing "reasons to hate people based on insanity" into Google, and copying and pasting from there?
MY God created everyone equally, to be loved equally by him. But sometimes I have a hard time coping with the fact that he made people like the two of you. Oh, well. I guess I will just have to deal with it, and find a way to love you too, so we can all get along, As Jesus would have wanted. I suggest you do the same, as gay people were created by God, just like you, and they are also here to stay.
Prayer won't "cure" my orientation, because it hasn't.
Don't ever stop praying people. The higher power that demons believe in is Satan. regards of your eduation or business, or contirbution to charity, Your spirit man has to be right. Mr. Lemon don't down Blacks for believing in healing of the soul. Churches do what they are suppose to do " pray that sin will not overtake you," Your hurt is from lack of trust. You want limits because you feel you were given a way to live, and God did nothing to stop it. Although we don't see God in every situation, he is in every situation. He felt your hurt, he knew you were disgraced and he hurted for you. Now it's time to trust him. Turn away from your hate or lack of love, and you will find the truth. I dare you. Calll Jesus's name 7 times a day for week, and watch you sould strt to connect with his healing power. I was abused, but I be damned if I am going to live a life that will send me down that same well of hell.
Please explain how you can distinguish your "God" from something you are imagining?
You have the wrong God. Santa Claus is the right God.
Stephanie is a web troll....you are on the wrong web blog...atheist should go to atheist blog..and blog about what they do not believe in.... you really make yourself look silly when you put so much effort into..your defense of your unbelief and defend what you don't believe and criticize what you don't care about. silly goose. time to come of age.. if you do not believe.why the effort?
crucified said: "if you do not believe.why the effort?"
You just don't get it, do you?
No I do not get why atheist .. waste their time trying to stir up Christians about something they do not believe in... the atheist seem to talk about what they do not believe in more than the Christians. I guess they are scared of something. well, now that I think about it. They should be.
Usually when people don't have a good response to a rational argument, they will simply accuse the other party of "stirring things up".
So, crucified–it's perfectly OK for you to debate what you believe in , but not right for others who don't share your beliefs?
@cucified
Hypocrite. You whinge about people of differing beliefs in this blog, but your camp has absolutely no problem invading anything on the net you can find and polluting it with your hatred, and your warped sense of morality. Hypocrites of the highest order, the lot of you.
A mother or any family member should never stop praying for any one that has fallen into sin. Sin is sin, we all know that. If a person wants to continue to lie, than he will have his fate, if a person wants to continue to steal, he too will have his fate. But we that do pray shoudl continue to pray. When we die, we will die in the condition in which we are living at the moment. So at any moment a person can changes, but they must change before they are sentenced, and the cannot see Jesus and mocke him. All this stuff about God in the bible is real. Spirits ente rthe body in more than one way, and selfwill is one of them, the others are after birth, during adolescents, abuse. The point is, are you going to let those spirit send you to hell, and or you going to live a life of hell, by allowing those spirit to control your destiny. We all have to make choices, abused or not, there is a way that seems right to a man, but it leads to death. I know Mr. Lemon is not happy, he accepts the life someone has given him. He never has given God a chance to reveal to him who he really is. With love, for your love....
accept god, he will love me if i do. if i dont i will burn in hell. i thought he loved us ALL. God does not exist. the idea does.
Righteous thinking, Juda, I feel good for your destiny. You know, when the savior appears here on earth, the righteous shall not die, but pass into life forevermore. They will put their righteous and strong will to work, to create a society of eternal life on the earth. America will be the Great Ashram of the Living God, and part of the Kingdom of God on earth. Everyone will see who and what the savior is. And, they will see who the man really is, that is the anointed of the Eternal God. Because you will see his two persons. You will see the man who is the anointed king chosen by God, and you will see the eternal life priesthood of the savior. For he is a king who decides the right thing, and a priest who shows God's people how to have life more abundantly, and forever. The mystery of God will soon be accomplished. One should expect great changes in the weeks and month ahead. There will be an announcement to the world through the media.
"One should expect great changes in the weeks and month ahead. "
Yes, more proof that gays are born this way and god created them and you bigots are WRONG!
@Juda. Please seek professional help immediately. I only have your best interests at heart. That is all, Thanks for listening 🙂
Vidar, you summed it up perfectly. You're terrified of death so you embrace the silliest and most archaic of belief systems to help you cope with your own transient existence. You fear the Great Leveler, not God.
Sodom and Gomorrah?
Don Lemon, you are an advocate of an irresponsible human behavior that God, the Great Spirit, has condemned as an act of abomination, through his human servants upon the whole earth in every civilization since time began. You are just rationalizing your own behavior because of your own weakness of character. Make no mistake, you are propagating sin against the will of God. You are guilty of a great sin against God, and against all those little ones that you lead astray. As it is written, "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were put around his neck and he were thrown into the sea". It seems obvious to anyone, that if God is true, you are showing a disgrace before the living God. I do not think Judgment Day will be pleasant for people with your view. I strongly encourage you to rethink your foolish behavior and repent before the Omnipresence of the Eternal God.
Another non-thinker. Have you ever eaten crab, lobster, or shrimp? Have you ever worn polyester or other mixed fabrics? Have any tattoos or short hair? All Abominations in Leviticus. Why is it that your petty misogynist, genocidal god hates the same things you do? Narrow minded bigots never learn, they just sit around and hate hate hate and blame their hate on a outdated goat-herder morals. Morality come from reason, not dogma. Please don't reproduce and pass on your hatred like it was with you.
Religion must change over time to survive. When Galileo showed that the Earth was not the center of the universe this directly contradicted the Bible and called it's reliability into question. But Christianity still exists today despite the anger/hate this issue caused. Why? because religion adapted to keep it's people. Now, unlike then, it's not considered by most to be a killing blow, in fact I think most people don't care about it. They went from HOW DARE YOU to "meh, different things can be looked at different ways." This is exactly what is going to happen with the Gay issue. Christians are going to fight tooth and nail that all hell is going to break loose but day after day after day it becomes closer to social norm. In a few years the vast majority of Christians are going to be saying that the Gay thing is no big deal, just like you have done before. Once you start loosing power and influence you will adapt. Think of this if anyone of you went back in time 1500 years and explained that earthquakes are caused by plate tectonics or matter is made of atoms. The Christians of the day would kill you for heresy. That's right, the people who founded your religion, voted on the contents of the bible and kept it alive through the ages, wouldn't hesitate one second before snuffing your life out. Still want to be a Christian? Sad.
You have not read the research on gays, if you had you would know that it's been shown that they are born this way, it's not a choice and it can't be voluntarily changed. God created them as they are we have been shown that so it's not a sin or an abomination but ido-latry and prost-ti-tion is. Your ignorance on this subject shows you shouldn't be giving advice to anyone!
Stop feeding the trolls and they will go away! Nine out ten outrageous remarks on here are just someone trying to tick you off for the fun of it. The other 10% are struggling with inner demons.
Every time you respond, you just feed the beast. More and more bloggers are refusing to allow comments on their blogs. Sadly, this will be become the norm.
Why try to overcome deviant behavior when it is so much easier just to give up?
Why try to open your mind when it is so much easier to be ignorant?
Luckily I don't believe any educated person in psychiatry or psychology believes being gay is deviant behavior. Most of the gay people I know are successful businessmen and women, or doctors, lawyers, nurses, professors, teachers, ministers and architects. They are very productive members of society and generally generous with their time and resources in helping people in need, including the poor and the homeless and the marginalized. I attribute that to the fact that they themselves have had to cope with being marginalized by an unfortunate section of our society. The majority that I know are in healthy relationships and many have families/children who are happy, well educated, and well adjusted.
@dorothy, Them being productive in society has bearing on the open rebellion to God's word. 1 john 2:3-4 1 timothy 6:9-10.
It says if you lay with a man like you would lay with a woman it is a abomination. pretty clear.
Lev.20,13 And if a man lie with mankind, as with womankind, both of them have committed abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. also, Jewish tradition and their strong stance against proves this had nothing to do with pagan temples and such but gayness. gayness was a death sentance.
"It says if you lay with a man like you would lay with a woman it is a abomination. pretty clear."
Again you are showing your ignorance on this subject, it's time to pick up a history book. This is about pagan s-ex rituals using pros-ti-tion and ido-latry, it has nothing to do with what we now know about gays in this century. Your prejudice mind is sending you to he-ll. Time to wake up. Your lies are hilarious.
@dorothy you are obviously not well versed in many Christian writings.. Josephus would clear up your gross misinterpretation of the Scripture.. Gay is not allowed! Love God enough to change.
"Gay is not allowed! "
Gay/Lesbian is great because God created them! They will be in heaven while you are rotting in hell for your lies and bigotry, it's been shown they are born this way. What an idiot.
crucified
@reply I am only repeating the scriptures from bible..Not judging..Jesus is the Judge with his scriptures. also, Paul actually teaches that you do correct the people that claim to be christians, if they do not accept correction you take a witness, if they still do not accept you put them out of the church. so yes you do correct Christians...your definition of judging is incorrect. correcting is not judging no one is picking up stones here. but if you claim to be Christian you must follow the scriptures. if you do not such as turning away from gay, then do not call yourself Christian. It is a sin romans 1:27-32, jude 1:7, 1 timothy
...........
Shame more Christians do not apply this and stay out of politics. They can choose to be ruled by the bible is they wish and correct themselves, however they have no place inj ecting the bible in our government.
In Response to: "Shame more Christians do not apply this and stay out of politics. They can choose to be ruled by the bible is they wish and correct themselves, however they have no place injecting the bible in our government."
Do we want to keep any people group out of politics in a democratic government. All people in democracy should be represented. Is it possible to separate your beliefs from public discourse. Can an agnostic separate their agnosticism from political conversation?
For me, been a gay culd be tkn as normal or natural, bt d truth stil remain that if u beleve dat God is ur creator and he is a God of perfection jt as d Bible states it, thn u shuld knw that whn Adam ws created, d Lord said a man can nt live alone, in dat case he did nt mk a fellow man as his companion bt a woman and dey gave birth to children that form a new gen, my point is been gay is nt rite in d site on d Lord. For me ur religion determine ur belief cause u cnt be a Christian n accept 2 be gay thni wuld say u re been confuse.
could you please speak english so we now what you're saying? Gibberish is not a lan
You are a moron, plain and simple like your text language.
Nicely put...
How eloquent of you.