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 Don Lemon with his grandmother on his third birthday.
May 22nd, 2011
01:00 AM ET
My Faith: How I learned to stop 'praying away the gay'Editor's Note: Don Lemon is a CNN anchor and author of Transparent, a memoir . By Don Lemon, CNN "School day, time to get up, sleepy head. School day." Although she's been gone since 1998, my grandmother's words ring in my head just about every morning of my life. That's how MaMe, as I called her, got me out of bed and off to my Catholic school when I was growing up and in her care. But before I shuffled my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine, I had to hit the floor on my knees to pray, just as I had the night before. It was usually The Lord's Prayer ("Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...") followed by asking God to watch and guide me through my day until I returned to the safety of my home that evening. But MaMe (pronounced MAH-me) didn't know that at a very early age her favorite grandson had begun to pray, silently, that God would change him from being different, from having crushes on boys, from being more curious about boys than girls. By age four or five, I was too young to sexualize my infatuations but I knew that everyone else, including my family and friends, would think it was wrong. Perhaps it was the conversations I overheard from adults around my hometown of Port Allen, Louisiana, who'd mimic gay people, calling them "funny" or "sissy" or "fagots." Perhaps it was Sunday mornings at our Baptist church, where preachers taught that liking someone of the same sex was a direct and swift path to hell. And that if that person would just turn to the Lord and confess his sin, then God would change him back into the person He wanted him to be - a person who only had crushes on the opposite sex. All of which meant that, from a very early age, I began to think I was dirty and that I was going to hell. Can you imagine what that feels like for a kid who was just learning to read and perform basic arithmetic? It was awful. And talk about guilt - I was a Baptist attending Catholic school! I prayed the silent prayer for God to change me every chance I got until I started attending college in New York. That's when common sense began to take hold and I realized that no amount of prayer would change me into something that wasn't natural to me. With my religious upbringing, I'd had the opportunity to study religious doctrine. But I learned from different perspectives, from Catholic Mass on Fridays to Baptist services on Sundays to vacation Bible school in the summer to Bible study with a Jehovah's Witness as a teenager. As I got older I began to realize that all these people and institutions interpreted the Bible somewhat differently. I had a sort of epiphany: the Bible was about the lessons you learned, not about the events or words. When I became old enough, intelligent enough and logical enough to discern the difference between metaphor and reality, everything changed. I realized that Jonah living in the belly of a whale was a parable written in the same vein as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. saying that he had "been to the mountaintop." Neither Jonah nor King had actually been to those places. They were metaphors for lessons for those of us who cared to absorb them. So many of us, especially in the black community and in churches, tend to think that religious teachings happened word for word as they were written in Scripture. I think that's naïve, even dangerous. That type of thinking - or non-thinking - keeps many religious people enslaved to beliefs that they haven't truly stepped back from and examined. That type of thinking causes people who are otherwise good to shun and ostracize young gay people. It causes people to want to control and change people who aren't like them. And who wants to be like someone else? Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be? Instead, we got on our knees, just as I did as a little boy, and prayed that slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women would end. In the United States, at least, those prayers have largely been realized. I'm no longer the member of any church but I do believe in a higher power. It's time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends. What we're doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Don Lemon. soundoff (4,733 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 Next »
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.  |
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Painting gay unions with the word marriage won't make it normal. It will never...ever compare in quality of relationship, intimacy, love or substance to traditional marriages.
Its like putting a very special and expensive pearl on a filthy disgusting pigs snout.
Think about it!!!
Your prejudice and bigotry is a menace to society and this world. Think about it!
Wow. Thank you for reducing my loving, intimate, quality relationship to a pig's snout.
I hope it makes you feel better about yourself. Think about it!!!
All the comments are very interesting and thought provoking...but proves nothing. One person's opinion over another. It all boils down to doing the best you can with your own situation and knowing that you are not alone. Best wishes to all.
a very adult reply 🙂 thankyou my friend
Gays and downs syndrome,no difference,they need our help
KEEP YOUR RELIGION OFF MY CIVIL RIGHTS !! THIS ISN'T SAUDI ARABIA.
I am not religious at all, but I do think that being gay is wrong. Show me a gay person and I will show you someone that has had some emotional trauma in the past. It is hard to have a reasonable discussion with a gay person because once you say something that they do not like they resort to name calling. Now I will wait for the obligatory "you are a bigot!" comments. All the name calling in the world won't change who you are.
Thankfully the experts in their psychology disagree with you. Psychologists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals agree that ho-mos-exuality is not an illness, a mental disorder, or an emotional problem. More than 35 years of objective, well-designed scientific research has shown that ho-mos-exuality, in and itself, is not associated with mental disorders or emotional or social problems.
Why so defensive, Non-believer?
I am a religious person, and my son is gay, and I cannot disagree with you more. My son has NEVER had emotional trauma in his life, and is one of the sweetest, kind-hearted people I know – most gays are. He is very open to discussion on any subject, and does not call names. He will listen intently and let you speak your mind. For you to say that all gays are "emotionally traumatized" and "resort to name calling", is exactly what you say you aren't – "a bigot".
even normal people resort to name calling when you have a different opinion, it just depends how you're brought up. If you're raised in a respectful place you will respect people's opinion, especially if you have a college degree. I expect any person with a college degree has at least learned to listen and take into consideration others' opinions. I respect your opinion, even though I feel the complete opposite. See, no name calling necessary.
I agree it is how you are brought up. I was taught to be respectful of others, and to treat others as you would like to be treated. It doesn't take a college degree to know what is right and what is wrong.
@Oh Yeah
So did all that research prove that being gay is normal? I believe that no one knows what our true purpose here on Earth is, but we can at least agree that in order to survive we need to procreate. What would be the point of people being born gay? Does that not seem like a defect to you? If everyone on Earth were gay and we did not have modern science, we would become extinct.
Totally illogical argument. As if we're on the brink of extinction because I'm gay – I mean – a defect.
@tb63
Were you born gay? It's a serious question, I don't see how a young virgin child(age 4 or 5 as the author claims) can realize that they are gay.
I believe you are born either gay or straight. My son preferred to play with Polly Pockets when he was old enough to pick the toy for a Happy Meal at McDonald's – he was about 3 years old.
I don't think the world is going to end because there are gay people in it. There are many more non-gay people in the world to procreate.
To Non-believer,
Yes. Serious response.
I didn't know I was gay at that age because I didn't know what that was, but I certainly knew that I was different. Once puberty kicked in there was no question. I knew I was supposed to be interested in girls, but I've only ever been attracted to men. There was no choice about it. Please try to comprehend what a devastating thing that was to realize.
It took many years of denial and misery, fighting and praying against it with everything I had. I did not want to be gay, yet I could not change it. Finally I'd had enough, and sought instead to be honest with myself and accept who I truly am. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I did it. I came out.
And you know what? It wasn't so bad. The truth set me free! EVERYBODY in my life surprised me. Nobody turned me away. I know that doesn't happen for everyone. You can't imagine how frightening the prospect of coming out is. It takes a mountain of strength and courage.
Having all that behind me I'm at peace and happy with my life. My partner and I are well into our second decade together. We're loved by a huge circle of family and friends. I could never have gotten to this place without accepting that part of me. And it is only a part of me. It doesn't define me.
Sorry for making a long answer out of a short question. Born this way? YES.
To PR's point, can you imagine how much more overpopulated the planet would be if there were no gays?
My son told me when he was in Middle School that he was gay, and, honestly, I told him he was not! Looking back on that moment in the car, I am ashamed that I told him that. It was a very brave thing for him to tell me, even though I have always told him he could tell me absolutely ANYTHING that was going on in his life. It gave him a mixed message, and my answer really wasn't what I knew to be the truth. I knew he was "different" from a very early age, and it really didn't surprise me that he was gay. I was battling it within myself that he was "different" and would be treated as "different", and I was worried for him. He is 22 now, and although there are quite a few non-accepting people he's had to encounter (he was beaten twice in high school – ended up quitting), I know he's going to be ok.
Thank you PR. We too seldom hear a parent's side of the story. Best to you and your son.
science doesnt prove we are gay that is what some scientist are wanting america to believe so they can practice freely that life style man dont be fooled and dooped by this crap and don lemonhead is a confused young brother who will be any doctrine or belief that makes him feel okay to do whats unnatural
Well there you have it – convincing evidence from Troy that I'm wrong.
Maybe the emotional trauma you speak of comes from how gays are treated by others after the fact.
Nonbeliever it's because you're to lazy to do your research. Most scientists today agree that s-exual orientation is most likely the result of a complex interaction of environmental, cognitive and biological factors. In most people, s-exual orientation is shaped at an early age. There is also considerable recent evidence to suggest that biology, including genetic or inborn hormonal factors, play a significant role in a person's s-exuality.
We all have to live in peace.
Gays and lesbians are people to!
Don, I had no idea you were gay. And, now that I know, it makes me love you even more:-)
I pray away the SIN of being Gay...not the persons who the sin is affecting
Being gay is not a sin, God created you.
how is being gay a sin? because it is different? Gay people have been around much longer than the bible has been . (And for the record i am not bashing the bible, just mentioning facts). Maybe you should look at both sides rather than choose one out of ignorance.
Two of my wife's brothers are gay and refuse to accept it, like you.
One is married with a four month old and still lies to his family and wife about being gay. He claims God changed him but it's very obvious that he is still quite gay.
The other brother "prays for it to go away" and it hasn't. Gee I wonder why...
I was raised in the Assembly of God. So being gay is a "sin". When I began to know that I was different, about 9 or 10, I prayed to God. For years, I privately punished myself for these gay feelings because my church told me it was evil. I prayed for years. Guess what. No answer from God. That's because he doesn't exist. I finally went to college in the city and got away from this church. Met all kinds of people with different beliefs and began to love myself for who I am. Still no answer from "God". People who belive in this mythical creature are foolish and those who use his mythical religions to treat other humans as second-class are pathetic.
While Don lemon and Anderson Cooper will lead many to believe that being gay is accepted by God it is not in any way. God did not create sinful people at all! how dare you Don lemon and Anderson Cooper! The devils advocates working for a major news network using their influence to call out religions that actually follow God and his son. This article would not appear online in this paper if he hadnt worked for CNN. and you call religious people bigots and say people are discriminating against black gays? Well, in no way did I see name calling in these comments but it is nice to know how you truly feel about people who are the true followers of God. Dont be jelous you fools!
Being gay is not a sin science has shown God created gay people. Using s-ex to worship a pagan god and male prost-itution is a sin. Pickup a history book so you can put the scriptures into historical context to get the true meaning. God loves gay people as long as they are saved through Jesus Christ.
Most scientists today agree that s-exual orientation is most likely the result of a complex interaction of environmental, cognitive and biological factors. In most people, s-exual orientation is shaped at an early age. There is also considerable recent evidence to suggest that biology, including genetic or inborn hormonal factors, play a significant role in a person's s-exuality.
why would I be jealous of you? I don't want to name call but I want to say that in no way would I be jealous of an ignorant person like you, rather, i pity you for being so ignorant.
Dont forget Don, you also have a choice! 🙂 come back to the light when your tired of the dark
Being gay is not being in the dark. Being blindly prejudicial is.
Being gay is being in the dark. its sin. I am not ignorant nor am I a bigot. But the people who sling name calling like the US hrows money around are on the wrong side. I stated my opinion, the people who are for gay pride suddenly are name calling and non believing. But arent they suppose to love everyone??? Pfffft! all gay people do when confronted with the TRUTH is name call and ry to cut down by using words like ignorance....which if u can see my background is in no way....me
Your the one in the dark who's heart of prejudice is a work of Satan.
No, human beings cannot choose to be either gay or straight. Psychologists do not consider s-exual orientation to be a conscious choice that can be voluntarily changed.
More than 35 years of objective, well-designed scientific research has shown that ho-mos-exuality, in and itself, is not as-sociated with mental disorders or emotional or social problems.
Most scientists today agree that s-exual orientation is most likely the result of a complex interaction of environmental, cognitive and biological factors. In most people, s-exual orientation is shaped at an early age. There is also considerable recent evidence to suggest that biology, including genetic or inborn hormonal factors, play a significant role in a person's s-exuality.
You are not a bigot Jacob? Think gays should be allowed to be married? Adopt? have jobs? have homes? have families? have the rights to last rites?
You are a bigot. Try to accept that.
@ Jacob Cayo
If you really believe God is great, why do you or anyone else use peer pressure to try and sway someone to making such a personal choice? I know your comment was rhetorical, but this happens to people in the real world. Peer pressure can actually deter someone from listening to you and produce hostility towards your point of view.
By the way, insinuating that someone is a sinner is also name calling. "Let him without sin cast the first stone."
If anyone wants to speak, then speak independently, never attach the name of God with trying to excuse your sins, Romans 1:18-32 made that very clear..My God is the same yesterday,today and forever. and His Words remain the same...Do yourselves a favour and stop thwarting the Scriptures!!!
What sins? Just because you decide it's a sin for you doesn't mean it's a sin for the rest of us. I personally sins of ignorance and lack of education are the greatest sin around. The Scripture and Their Word (where does it say that God is male??) are indeed the same, perhaps you need to look at how you've been reading, which is exactly what the author is saying.
Actually, Romans has changed. It's changed languages, translations, and interpretations several times. It's actually translations of translations, and translations of interpretations of translations. If you are fluent in more than one language and have tried to translate prose, you realize how different other people translate differently and get a different meaning out of the same text. Before some people say that they translate literally, that's not possible with prose because of the many different dialects and colloquialisms in each language. Literal translations would make even less sense.
Now I don't mind what interpretation you take from the bible, and can respect yours as your belief. Can you give the same respect to others' interpretation and their beliefs?
Don Lemon – Your obvious kindness, intelligence, wit, and deep ability to analyse issues sustained me while bedridden, and trying to stay "part of life" through CNN 's television programs. I felt connected to others most often when you spoke. I now am out of bed and functioning again and want to thank you for those years, and this article ...........your most recent gift to the world.
I could not agree more!
Live and let live. Peace out....
Happy Father's Day, guys!
Comments appearing after gay positive articles are always the best evidence that GBLT people are in need of our full civil rights and protection from religious bigotry and intolerance.
Anything that is not from belief in Bible teaching is sin. Christian, here is deliverance
from all sin and bondage:
1 Peter 2:20b when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. 21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: 22 Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: 23 Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered , he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judges righteously: 24 Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. 25 For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.
How do we follow in Christ's footsteps(21c)? We are in union with Christ (24d&25b) as He suffers (21b&24a) for us. We commit (23c) ourselves to God in union (24d&25b) with Christ on the cross suffering (21b&24a) for us. We can only do that via calling upon God the Father calling to his attention our union with Christ suffering for us on the cross asking Him (23c) Whose Son bore our sins to help us bear up in Christ, the Christ under maximum temptation to sin, the Christ on the cross bearing our sins, griefs, temptations and sorrows. Are we committed, (23c) Commitment of ourselves to Him Who judges righteously.
In this way we ourselves follow Christ's example (21b). We follow in His Footsteps. We call out to God the Father (23b), noting to Him our union with Christ as He suffered for our sins (25b) asking God to help us bear up under weight of temptation in (25b) this Christ bearing (24a) the weight and penalty of our sins. Jesus shoulders our load of temptation(24a). We commit this struggle within us to God (23b) Who judges righteously. In this we die with Christ to our sins (24b) and the Spirit urges us to live for righteousness. By His stripes we are thus healed (24c), from sin tearing us from God (25a), and we are returned (25b) from straying like sheep, returned to the shepherd and bishop of our souls.
What sins? Just because you decide it's a sin for you doesn't mean it's a sin for the rest of us. I personally sins of ignorance and lack of education are the greatest sin around. And is all yuo can do repeat word for word the Bible. We see the words, what obviously is different is how your read them. There are many things in there that you wouldn't want literally interpreted, so why are you picking out only those that justify whatever you may believe. Believe what you want to believe, but don't hide behind the Bible to justify whatever bigoted and discriminatory beliefs you may have.
Ok, Norm. Prove the bible means what you say. And don't say, "It just is". Prove to me that god wants me to kill children who talk back, or people who eat shrimp or wear mixed blends.
That's in the bible too, you know.
A book written by man to control society... It's like reading Harry Potter and believing that I can fly on broom sticks and make objects levitate. Anyways look at all the chaos the church has caused: agreeing with slavery and segregation. Interracial marriage use to be a sin too. And heresy, yeah lets just get rid of anyone that goes against what we say is correct because we can't have people actually being themselves and having opinions.
I was raised in the Assembly of God. So being gay is a "sin". When I began to know that I was different, about 9 or 10, I prayed to God. For years, I privately punished myself for these gay feelings because my church told me it was evil. I prayed for years. Guess what. No answer from God. That's because he doesn't exist. I finally went to college in the city and got away from this church. Met all kinds of people with different beliefs and began to love myself for who I am. Still no answer from "God". People who belive in this mythical creature are foolish and those who use his mythical religions to treat other humans as second-class are pathetic.
Norm, sorry to let you in on a secret, but MAN wrote the bible, not God! It may have been inspired by God, but MAN wrote it, and rewrote it and rewrote it and lots of popes changes a lot of things along the way...
Who do you believe? God Al-Mighty, or weak and powerless man. folks THAT'S A NO BRAINER!!!!
No brainer, indeed. It's FAR better to believe weak and powerless man, who at least exists and is real, than your idiotic "God Al-Mighty", which does NOT exist.
I believe in God Almighty, just not YOUR weak and powerless interpretation of his teachings.
Definitely no brainer: The weak and powerless man.
I belive in God. He commands me to kill children who talk back, women who are out in public during their mensus, anyone who touches pigs, shellfish, or has their hair too long or too short, anyone working on the sabbath.
God tells me to kill all these people, so I love Him
I totally agree with Kromer. The writer states he realized the Bible was all about 'the lessons you learn from it'. That makes it a subjective experience which leads to the idea that all Truth is subjective. There is nothing subjective in one's understanding of the following scripture: Romans 1:26-27: "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence [sic] of their error which was meet."
Oh, that's right it's talking about pagan rituals worshiping a pagan God. Or...did you forget to pickup a history book so you could understand the true meaning of it in context.
It's a nice theory to say that only parts of the Bible are true. Only the parts that we like. Let's just say that the parts that make us uncomfortable are a metaphor. That makes everyone feel nice and warm on the inside. Unfortunately, that is just not true. The Bible is the Word of God. If we start picking and choosing what is true and what is not true, then we can say "well, Jesus didn't really get crucified and rise from the dead. That's just a metaphor for new life". Then you take away the very epicenter of the Christian faith. It just doesn't work that way. Sorry you are trying to justify your own sin by saying the Bible is a metaphor.
Oh yeah...like the parts where women can't speak in church, a husband rules the house, there's only certain times you can have s-ex with your wife and when you can sleep with her. Oh and what about that divorce rate huh? Wow!
This is a made up article desigen for one perpose, to make the bible look bad and distort people veiw of it, along with people veiw of right and wrong. Along with this comment, these things are pre-scripted. I bet you they will reveiw my commont and remove it. Funny. But, regards to the article, what are we to do then in todays world, make up in our own minds what ever we feel should be the truth, and have no real truth, but just whatever is true to you?
So the fact God gave us science which now proves gays are born this way has no bearing on what you know to be true. Duh!