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December 17th, 2011
11:59 PM ET
My Take: Being poor on Christmas
By Tangela Ekhoff, Special to CNN (CNN) - For my husband and me, the crown jewel of success as parents is the shrieks and wanton joy that come when our children open presents on Christmas morning. It’s enough to breach the dams in my eyes. Every year, my husband (the better shopper) picks one big-ticket gift for our boys, the one we call “the Showstopper!” The Showstopper is the present that is either No. 1 on their wish list or the one they didn’t even know they wanted, until they make confetti of the shiny paper that conceals the happiness wrapped inside. The Showstopper is THE gift. It’s so awe-inspiring that it causes an intermission to present-opening and signals the point when the boys forsake all other gifts to play with the Showstopper. Last year, it was Chuck the Talking Dump Truck. This year, there will be no Showstopper. I wish I could say we are avoiding the Showstopper out of solidarity for Americans who are too poor to afford Christmas. I wish we were that socially conscious. This year, the Showstopper will not be part of the Ekhoff family Christmas, because this year, we are the poor. We moved from Montgomery, Alabama, to my husband’s childhood home of Owasso, Oklahoma, with high hopes and great expectations for opportunity. It is not going as well as we hoped. We have applied for several hundred jobs between us. I was rejected for a job at a chicken restaurant. I am from Alabama. I was born with a frying pan in one hand and a hunk of lard in the other. I’m still mad about not getting that job. In a former life, my husband was a computer technician. In this life, he slings pizza, rakes leaves, shovels snow, cuts grass and bakes cakes, but it still is not enough money to pay for basics, let alone any utility bills. I use both of my worthless college degrees as microfiber cloths to fight grime as a house cleaner, and out here in Oklahoma, people are not as willing to pay for this service as they are in the South. I speak publicly and perform comedy, but gigs are harder to come by than we originally anticipated. We thought the move to Oklahoma would turn it all around and send us sashaying back into our middle-class life. Instead, it has given us the final shove into the abyss of poverty. For us, 2011 has been the Worst. Year. Ever. This is also the first year in the history of our family that we will not buy gifts for some unknown poor child as part of an Angel Tree project. Every year, we would buy hats, socks, mittens, jackets and/or toys for some poor child. This year, at some church or business in our town, there are two construction paper Christmas stockings hanging on an Angel Tree with our sons’ wish list printed on them. This year, our sons are “those poor kids.” This year, if there is a Showstopper, it will not be purchased by us but by a generous, anonymous individual or family with the means to help us, the underprivileged family. On the Christian calendar, the season leading up to Christmas is known as Advent. During Advent, Christians pray and light candles to remind us to wait expectantly and prepare for the miracle of the birth of Jesus Christ. This year, Advent is more meaningful to me than ever. This year, our family has lost so much, and I continually pray for a miracle. As our family awaits the celebration of the birth of Jesus, we anticipate and long for a better world not just for us but for others who suffer in the “new” economic reality: poverty. My greatest hope, as we await the birth of Jesus, is that God restores our family financially. Yes, it’s selfish. I am grateful the Angel Tree project is available to provide my children and hundreds of children in my town with presents this Christmas. But, selfishly, I pray that next year there will be no Angel Tree. My husband and I are both intelligent and hard-working. We want nothing more than to provide for our children. As we struggle with the new normal, we pray (yes, selfishly) that during this Advent, as we wait for Jesus’ light to shine upon the world, that a sliver of that miraculous light will shine on our little family. Like a child anticipating the rapturous joy of opening presents on Christmas morning, I hold on to my faith and anticipate a rebirth, a renewal, a restoration for our family. I expect a miracle. And in this season of Advent, miracles happen every single day. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Tangela Ekhoff. soundoff (1,294 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 Next »
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.  |
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Editor's Note: Tangela Ekhoff is an inspirational speaker, comedy performer and ordained elder in the Presbyterian Church, U.S.A. She blogs about marriage, motherhood and life in Oklahoma at 
My family has a decent household income, and I am grateful for that. I am also aware every day that it is not a guarantee. Through the recession, I have known so many families that brought in less than my family but had so much more. They assumed everything would always be wonderful, and they bought and borrowed to the max, in order to consume more in line with an upper class family. Three months after a job loss, and the wolf was at the door. Over and over and over. Yes, I feel horrible for these people, but they chose to believe that everything would always be wonderful, and that's just never a safe assumption to make.
I thought this wasn't supposed to happen anymore because of Barack Obama. I thought there was going to be hope and change.
But all he's done so far is make things worse and blame everybody else.
When is Obama going to take responsibility?
I guess we all got hoodwinked.
Yea, by all means let's vote in a Republican this time. Tangela still won't have enough to support her kids, but she can rest easy that millionaires everywhere are enjoying their tax loopholes and massive returns on investments in the "defense" industry with all the new wars that'll be started in the name of corporate profits. Merry Christmas?
Task #1: state that such an unrealistic promise had been made by the leader of the opposing political party.
Task #2: note that said unrealistic, unpromised goal had not been met.
Task #3: heave a heavy sigh and pretend you had been lied to by the person you never even considered voting for because they are the leader of the opposing party and you are squarely and for life a Republican.
Task #4: post this statement in a forum about Christmas. Post similar statements in other forums. Keep posting until your heart is satisfied that you have done everything you can to poison the view of American voters against this president.
Task #5: Pat self on back for a job well done.
For you sheep who blame Obama on everything, don't forget the economy was going downhill before he was elected. Everyone except the extremely blind (such as yourself) knows it would take more than a few years to fix an entire economic system (regardless of who is in office).
And for folks posting about Obama or Bush – reread the article. It is more about a family hoping to get back on track but not giving up. At least that is how I read it.
In Response to "Everything in Moderation (how about: Oh, Please!)" – please continue to speak the truth. Well said!
We're taught that America is the land of abundance and that Americans are exceptional. But when times get hard, we see many Americans are just as hateful and petty and judgmental as we've always feared. More proof that Americans are not exceptional, but down in the mud with everyone else. Sad.
I know I am just as guilty of getting a gift that is a "show stopper" at Christmas for my kids. In my case though it's normally based on an interest they have, and hopefully will last them a good long time. But the last couple of years I have had to depend on my parents or the father's parents or their father to help me out. Though I've had a job for almost 3 years, it covers my bills and that is more important. I love Christmas, because I get a few days with my kids, doing project, or exploring outdoor and creating memories with them...that is what matters in the end. Getting the "I love you" and can't wait to see you again....yep. I'm not Christian, but I have to agree, it seems like society has forgotten what Christmas is about. I celebrate Yule...and it's time to get together, enjoy close friends and family, and it doesn't normally cost us a whole lot. Well to everyone out there...Happy Yule and Merry Christmas!
My thoughts were, why did this couple up and move without having secured jobs first? In this day and age, you can't just up and move (especially with kids in tow) without a plan in place. Hope the childhood home was worth it....
Your first thought should have been, "Let me read the article before posting." She specifically said that one of the reasons they moved was because they couldn't make it where they were. Instead of complaining, they tried to do something about their situation. That's a good thing. Unfortunately, it didn't work out the way they hoped.
Okay Joe, perhaps you should read it again – the part where they hoping to be "sashaying back to their middle-class life."
II understand everything you wrote in the article because I am in the same boat. But my worse year was 2010 and I am still trying to move on with my life. I lost my best friend of a heart attacked, then I lost my job, then my older brother, then my 21 year old niece, then my unemployment was cut off, and my mother is so sick that I don't even think she is going to make it another 3 or 6 months.
Just please keep having faith cause I think that is the only thing is keeping me alive right now. Believing things will get better and waiting for a miracle to change my life! Please keep your faith and God Bless Your Heart!
i'm genuinely sorry for your losses. My worst was 2009 when I lost my loved ones. I'm in my 20's and never lost loved ones before so it was a bit of a shock the first time I lost a couple all at once. I'm sure we all can remember the first loved one who dies in the family....
So sorry for what you've been through, Jay. -Hug- to you.
I have been through terrible things too recently, so I understand the pain of the losses you have suffered.
This is a joke, right? Satire? I think I'm sick to my stomach that someone that is supposed to be a Christian is teaching their children that Christmas is about how much you get.
Last year I had $25 to split between 4 children at the $1 Tree store. I made do with what I had. The kids were thrilled to see anything under the tiny tree we had then. This year we were able to spend $90 – split between 5 (#5 was a newborn last Christmas, too tiny for gifts)...and it seems like so much. They'll be shocked.
In the past 18 months I've lost my mother, my grandfather, my grandmother had a heart attack, and I'm suffering from rheumatoid arthritis along with fighting depression. That doesn't give me the right to ask for people to provide my children with a Christmas gift that is expensive!! Life is full of obstacles, asking for help is one thing, asking for someone to add gold leaf sprinkles to your winter truffle cake is quite another.
I hope people seriously do not fall for this and instead send money to those that need it.
I'm sorry for the loss of your loved ones. I think the main point of the article though is that she is an example of people in this country who had nice middle class jobs who lost them and are now on hard times, for which I have empathy. Of course, I don't have money to give. But, I enjoy volunteering to help those who are starving or in need.
Actually, the toys are not all that expensive.
I feel like your children are lucky to have you as a parent. This Tangela person in the article makes my skin crawl: she wants expensive gifts for her kids now that she cannot afford to buy them. And she thinks Jesus or a charity should provide them. When I want to buy my kids gifts, I work. If Tangela put all her self-pitying and victimhood energy into something useful, she might have some gifts for her kids.
The greater gifts is the one you are giving your kids: love and honesty. I respect you.
Just breathe. This woman has lost a lifestyle, and perhaps her poverty is temporary, but it still is painful. What's wrong with wanting children to be surprised at Christmas? If you had a couple hundred dollars to spend you would enjoy doing that. I'm very sorry for your situation, your health, your depression. Christmas is NOT about presents, but we live in a society where we are bombarded with commercialized Christmas everywhere you turn. Even at church they ask you to give, give, give. So it's hard. I hope for you that you see your way out of your poverty. I have had a couple of years like yours with loss and poverty and seemingly no where to go. I am ever grateful that I was able to climb out of that depression, and I wish the same for you. I wish people who are so negative about the plight of people in need would just open their HEARTS, and stop criticizing. And Tangela, hugs to you, and know that though it's hard right now, keep on searching and something WILL change.
Your first problem was you decided to have FIVE children!! now because of your selfish mind they must suffer as you do. STOP have kids.......
Am I the only one wondering why someone who is unhealthy and broke continues to add to her family?
Unhealthy and broke? Whoa, hold on a second. Arthritis and depression a LOT of people have. Ever hear of post-partum depression? My children are warm, fed, clothed, and I WORK. My point was that EVERYONE can have hard times at Christmas, just because we do doesn't mean we need to beg the Internet for an iPad/phone/laptop/Xbox for our kids. People that are in real need. My fertility isn't anyone else's business – we do NOT receive foodstamps or ANY government assistance – so get the 'sick, broke, popping kids out' idea out of the picture.
I'd like to ask- isn't this an ordained elder in a church? Why in the world is she focused on the material wealth instead of living what Christianity teaches- Jesus is the reason for the season...right? Sad. Just sad.
give and it shall be given
Man, there are some Scrooges on here. I'll admit that the author's story is not the hardest luck story, but I don't think it warrants the number of cold-hearted responses. Some are downright mean. This is supposed to be a season of love and charity no matter what your religion. When did we become a nation of selfish, greedy b@stards?
Hear, hear!
Iggy you are so right. good comment
Ditto what Iggy said.
While I certainly feel for this family, we have to remember what Christmas is all about, celebrating the birth of Christ. Sometimes I wonder how did America get the idea that Christmas is about lying to your kids about a fat guy with a white beard who sees all and knows all and brings you gifts based upon your behavior. So far from the truth!
In Christian tradition, there was no Christmas. Christians should properly be focussed on the death and resurrection of Christ. But the clergy needed to rein in a population that had been pagan. They created Christmas as a means of getting the focus off the midwinter festivals and onto a somber and reverent observation of faith. December 24 is about those midwinter festivals. It is about bringing joy to the home in the middle of the darkest, coldest season. Big guy in a red suit bringing presents fits right in.
Beautiful snapshot of what is occurring all across our nation. I pray for my friend and all those in her same shoes. May God reward all of who are waiting for renewals of all kinds!
Best wishes this holiday season for all the Tangelas out there.
If you cannot even take care of yourself, you should not have children. Will your imaginary sky friend grant you wishes of meaningful jobs or will he let you starve?
so....by your logic NO ONE should have kids, on the odd chance they may lose their job? Really?
You are the reason our country is in this mess. You have no compassion for your fellow man and will never understand their plight. I pity you.
Tangela was middle class when she had kids. She suddenly, by no fault of her own, fell on hard times. Like millions of Americans and others around the world.
They have been taking care of their babies. They've hit hard times like many Americans including myself. So chiding with snide comments about imaginary sky friend is just you schtick for running your mouth about living faithlessly. It's also a way for you to be cruel and heartless anonymously.
JiminTX
I sure hope when you fall on bad times there will be someone more compassionate than
you to lend a helping hand.
Merry Christmas and hope you to will realized the reason for this season.
Hope, Love, Joy and Peace found in Jesus Christ:)
This is racist
You racist. We needs more gubmint programs to hepp this here chile
Tangela, I wish for you and your family a very Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous 2012. Thank you for sharing your story.
Apparently, if you read some of these comments at least, If you fall on hard times (even if you were once financially stable) you are a BIG loser, and don' really deserve to live. Obviously you made a lousy career choice if you got laid off, and probably did something terrible and ended up getting some kind of catastrophic illness!! Don't you people know that all of life's hiccups are completely avoidable as long as you make the "right" choices! And for God's sake if you by chance do screw up and have a catastrophe of some sort, by-God just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start over....it's easy! ..........jeez people are hypocrites..................
It is easy to knock someone down when you are on top of the hill but there are thousands of families without jobs or retirement or benefits this year. These last 4 years have seen a drastic decline in most of our lives/financial/retirement portfolios. These folks sound as if they are trying to do it all to make ends meet, I applaud them and their efforts!
brendapbrothers@bellsouth.net, I hope you see that my comment was meant completely tongue in cheek, and couldn't farther away from how I really feel! ( I wish there was a FONT for irony!)
Herman Cain and most of the Republican Party say that if your poor it's your own d@mn fault. Now go away.
Most Americans are poor. My spouse and I make over $250,000 a year and we do not spend money at Christmas, have not for several years. We put that money in savings so that we can live throughout the year, just in case everything goes south. Presents don't make Christmas. Love each other and care for your neighbor. Feed those that are hungry and give warmth to those that need shelter. We need to learn to love each other again and stop being so willing to give our future away to corporations that make their products in China and take away our ability to compete in the world. Stop buying their garbage and spend time with your family.
Agree that what stands out is this mom's belief that TOYS or material possessions and being able to buy them, is the ultimate measurement of being a great parent. That is very sad.
Americans need to learn how to SAVE their money instead of SPENDING it all– So many families find themselves one paycheck away from the street now, because they never learned how to save and invest.
Yes because savings and investing is the answer. Get a clue. When unemployment runs out and you're forced to rob your investments/401k so you can keep a roof over your children's head and food on the table, than you can talk to us about saving and investing. This isn't just about those who over spent or had lifestyles outside there means. There are a lot of us who didn't indulge and are just as screwed as everyone else.
It is painful as a parent not to have enough money to provide anything for your children beyond the most immediate necessities, if that. It hurts to see that your child can't have the nice backpack, shoes, clothes, coat, etc, let alone toys, that other kids do - and feel that it is your fault. It would be nice, just for once, to be able to see your kids open a fantastic gift and have the joy of getting exactly what they want - just ONCE in a year. That isn't materialism - these people do not have that luxury. It is easy to say that "stuff" doesn't matter when you have plenty of it.
It doesn't sound like this family has any money to save, or they would; they sound like intelligent, hard-working people. It sure is easy to judge when you do not know what it is like to walk in someone else's shoes. Many in this country, including perhaps you, are one stroke of bad luck away from being in the same position. Rather than revel in your current good fortune and hold it up as some sort of example of how much better you are than this woman, you should perhaps recall the phrase, "there but for the grace of God go I."
How about this for a showstopper: take your kids to a homeless shelter or soup kitchen on Christmas and do some volunteer work with them. That's the ultimate showstopper ... showing them the true meaning of Christmas.
Yeah, that's a "show stopper" alright! Only a libtard could come up with something that impish.
Best post on this entire thread ... well said Cameron.
This is a real non-answer. It's like the morons who – no matter what happens, say "At least you don't have cancer." You know... yeah, she COULD take her kids to a shelter but so could YOU. Maybe you'd find some true kindness in your hearts. Probably not though. The posters on this thread seem too immature to think outside their own situation.
I hope things turn around for everyone.
Life is hard right now for many people. Some people will see it as whining. Some will recognize it as their own reality. I am a single mom with 2 older kids living paycheck to paycheck. I work hard with pride in what I do. I have no credit cards and do not live beyond my means. But it took one disaster in my life to push me over the line where suddenly I didn't have a safety net of money to lean back on. I found myself without a dime to buy food or gas for 2 weeks and nothing to spend on xmas. Due to kindness of people I got a gift card for $100 worth of groceries which lasted me til I got paid. But I told my kids there will be nothing under the tree this year. It is sad beyond sad but it also is what it is in these times. There are people worse off. For anyone to judge anyone else – live in their world for just a short while and know fear of where a meal will come from. Arrogance is a sign of a small mind. Be grateful you have what you do. Try some empathy on for size.
If nigras would work the fields, we could solve our illegal immigration problem and save on welfare. Put the nigras back in the fields where they belong! At least then they'd be working for a living.
stfu troll
Unlike you, Jamie, I have real solutions for real problems. My plan to put the bestial ape nigras back in the fields is the most humane solution, given their obvious intellectual ... limitations. Don't hate me for being a realist.
I agree with Jamie, stfu you WTPOS
Real solutions for real problems...I've got a real solution for you troll...come and meet with me and I'll teach you a lesson you need to learn, boy. Of course it may take you about 6 months to learn to walk and talk again...Real solution to a real problem.
David, being deliberately obtuse will not help. You must learn to embrace the truth and to speak it freely, regardless of the cost. I have real solutions to the nigra problem; you have pc cliches. Grow up and stop trolling.
At a minimum society should stop it's affirmative action programs. This poor woman cannot get a job despite two degrees. US schools have dumbed down the curriculum so much so that these people can pass and graduate, we have millions of ill-educated Americans of all races whose "educations" are useless. Our society will have to scrap the current system, start to teach information and fail those who cannot succeed if we are to compete with China, India and Brazil. Those societies are not afraid to let dumb people become maids, why are we?
really? What decade are you from?
Toby, you are absolutely NOT a realist. What you are is MOST DEFINITELY a racist! This family being down on their luck financially has nothing to do with them being black. My family is pretty much in the same place and we are not black. May God help your ingnorance!
Your comment is disgusting and you should be embarrassed by your racist comments. Here's an idea for you...go find a church and pray that your soul is returned by the devil. You have to be the dumbest person alive!!
You are a bigoted, racist, piece of trash. By the way, I'm white, college educated, and out of work. Should I work in the fields as well. Let me guess, you're a white evangelical republican, most likely living south of the Mason-Dixon line, you like beef jerkey and you have a dog name Blue. Am I close? Oh, and when's the last time you dated your cousin?
@bluey_qtd – Can I watch...lol
Heck, you're welcome to join in!
For all those who find toby's repulsive post as disgusting as I do, please click the "REPORT ABUSE" button and hopefully the moderator will remove his vile, hateful comment. This is not a freedom of speech issue – this is a private website that doesn't need to permit this kind of trash on its site.
@bluey_qtd...didn't want to impose on your fun. @Sammy, I have clicked report abuse on every one of this cretins racist, neandethal comments. He is an a throwback, an embarassment to decent people, and I wonder why CNN let him post. Someone will have to go down to his mom's basement to flush him out...lol
You both have a great holiday.