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April 28th, 2012
09:52 PM ET

My Faith: What does God sound like?

Editor's note: Listen to the CNN podcast of this piece: Karen Spears Zacharias is author of A Silence of Mockingbirds: The Memoir of a Murder (MacAdam/Cage, 2012) and is on Twitter at @karenzach.

By Karen Spears Zacharias, Special to CNN

I hear the audible voice of God. No, not in the same way that the Bible’s Eve did when God asked her outright and out loud: “Woman, what in my name have you done now?”

Scriptures don’t tell us specifically, but I suspect at that particular moment in eternity God must have sounded a lot like Perry Mason: “C’mon, tell the truth. You know I’m a specialist on getting people out of trouble.”

Bestselling author Patti Callahan Henry is a pastor’s daughter in Alabama. You’d think if God spoke to anybody, it would be a pastor’s child, but Patti swears she has never heard the voice of God. The only time God speaks to her is through the written word.

I find that odd since God talks to me all the time.


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Certainly God knows I’m an auditory learner, so if he wants my attention he has to talk to me. When God speaks to me, he sounds a lot like Garrison Keillor, host of the radio show “A Prairie Home Companion." In other words, he’s engaging, often very funny, and almost always an absolute joy to be around. Even when God’s mad with me (more often that I care to admit), he’s fairly good-natured about it.

Theologians who study this sort of thing say that our image of God is formed by our relationships with our fathers. That image is formed in part by how our fathers speak to us. If they bark orders at us all the time, we might hear God as a crank. But if our fathers speak to us in instructive, encouraging tones, we may hear God as our best coach. My father died when I was young, so I don’t remember his voice, but I’ve listened to Garrison Keillor pretty regularly for 25 years.

When my husband and I were raising our children, we banned television from our household. "A Prairie Home Companion" was our primary form of entertainment on Sunday afternoons. With Sundays as our Sabbath, I suppose it is natural for me to associate God with Garrison.

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Many people don’t even speak to God, much less listen to what he has to say. I imagine for some the thought of a God as Garrison Keillor would be pure hell, what with all that Guy Noir Private Eye nonsense and those saccharin sweet ketchup commercials. Perhaps like a good mother, though, God resorts to a variety of different voices to reach all of her children. Do you identify any of the following?

- Spock, from “Star Trek,” is the defining voice of God. Spock is half-mother (human) and half-father (Vulcan). Who could be more egalitarian, more Godlike than that? Anyone who thinks of God as arbitrary and capricious needs to have a chat with Mr. Spock, who once so rightly noted, “Nowhere am I so desperately needed as among a shipload of illogical humans.” Amen. Amen.

- James Earl Jones. If I heard that baritone voice calling to me from a burning bush, it would stop me in my tracks. Who cares that Jones couldn’t cut the muster at Fort Benning’s legendary Ranger school? That’s nothing more than boot camp for a bunch of hellions anyway. There is something about the thundering power of Jones’ voice that naturally evokes trust from us. And if we can’t have a God in whom we can trust, what’s the point?

- Surely, Jeff Bridges is the voice of God for all the remnant of Jesus Freaks now seeking refuge as Episcopalians. “I am not Mr. Lebowski,” Bridge’s says in Coen Brothers’ “Big Lewoski,” in one of the oft-quoted lines in that cult classic. “You’re Mr. Lebowski. I am The Dude, so that’s what you call me. That or His Dudeness or uh, Duder, or, El Duderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing.” Of course, aging Jesus Freaks and Episcopalians alike are all about that brevity thing, so they happily go along with “the Dude abides,” another classic line from the film.

- Yoda, of “Star Wars,” is the voice of God for Zen-seeking, yoga-loving Emergent Christians. Emergents are the melting pot of Christianity, the place where hipsters who want to be spiritual but not religious go for community - typically a local brewery or Starbucks. “Luminous beings are we,” says Yoda. “Not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you. Here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere!”

- Writer C. Terry Cline Jr. says when God speaks to him, it is in the scolding voice of Pee-Wee Herman - “What did I tell you?” In Cline’s latest book, "The Return of Edgar Caycee," Cline claims he was channeled by the previously deceased reincarnation guru, whose fan club has rivaled that of God’s. Is it any wonder God is miffed with Cline for conjuring up Caycee again?

- Your momma. Sonny Brewer, a Navy veteran and my editor at San Francisco’s publishing house MacAdam/Cage, says that the only voice he’s ever associated with God was his mother’s. Sonny’s mom has been nearly mute for nearly 20 years, the result of a stroke. “She can sing hymns but she can’t talk,” Sonny says. “When I think of God speaking to me, I think of my momma. Like God, she always loves me, even when I’m a bad boy.”

Whatever the cause, nobody enjoys getting the silent treatment. It is a particularly troubling matter when God goes silent on us, when we can’t hear his voice at all, whether it’s a tender whisper of encouragement, raucous laughter, or a thundering rebuke, it is then that we are most keenly aware of God.

Silence stills us. We pause and listen, ear pressed, waiting, anticipating, hoping for just a word of assurance that we have not been abandoned.

We all have had days when we feel like we’ve failed God. If in such moments we would listen to the wind in the trees, the waves curling on the beach, feet crunching in sand, and the song of the mockingbird as the evening sun sets, we would surely hear creator God singing hymns over us, his creation.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Karen Spears Zacharias.

- CNN Belief Blog

Filed under: Movies

soundoff (3,288 Responses)
  1. WorldCares

    Isn't it beautiful that we can lay back and look at the night sky and travel back in time in front of our own eyes?
    Has anyone studied world religions and the ancients to search for the answer?
    Look in the mirror.

    April 30, 2012 at 6:42 am |
    • Hug The World

      Grammatically speaking, you just said that you travel back in time in front of your own eyes. I hope that was a syntactical error and not a sanity one.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:44 am |
    • LOL

      The night sky gives me far more ideas and insight than any religion ancient or modern ever has or will. Once you pass physics, chem, and bio, and understand what you're looking at and have a reasonable grasp of how it works, religion just kind of turns into 'meh.' It was either that or sometime in the early 1980s when I read Faith of our Fathers by Philip K. Dick and couldn't stop laughing at the end.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:49 am |
    • LOL

      Not really an error, technically you're travelling back in time millions of not billions of years because your vision is constrained to visible light which is travelling a distance at a constant speed. The structure was kind of awkward. Might not be a native English speaker?

      April 30, 2012 at 6:52 am |
    • Jeanine

      Sun goes up!

      Sun goes down!

      April 30, 2012 at 6:55 am |
    • ElmerGantry

      Tide comes in, tide goes out.

      LOL

      April 30, 2012 at 6:57 am |
    • Hug The World

      I understood the whole space time thing he was trying to say, but that doesn't change the absurdity of what he said. When you look at the stars, you are not "time traveling before your eyes."

      April 30, 2012 at 7:00 am |
    • LOL

      Depends. Terminator time traveling rules or Time Cop time traveling rules?

      April 30, 2012 at 7:02 am |
    • LOL

      I'm also sticking with Alan Parsons – What Goes Up instead of Bill O'Reilly memes. >.<

      April 30, 2012 at 7:05 am |
    • Richard

      hey all if sombody bgohut the map pack and still can give away some free downloads, please contact me, just send me a message, i really love zombies ! (for the PS3) so please contact me. Thx

      July 31, 2012 at 10:53 pm |
  2. Franny

    What does God Sound like? Well, it's a toss up between Norquist, and Cantor!

    April 30, 2012 at 6:34 am |
    • Mirosal

      Just think if "god" sounded like Jummy Durante ... ha cha-cha-cha

      April 30, 2012 at 6:41 am |
    • ElmerGantry

      Now that is down right scary!

      April 30, 2012 at 6:44 am |
  3. Josef Bleaux

    I hear god talking to me through my neighbor's barking dog. He's telling me to kill, kill, kill!

    April 30, 2012 at 6:32 am |
    • LOL

      How can you be sure it's God and not the ghost of Dr. Seuss?
      maybe he wants to turn you into the son of sam i am.

      he will tell you to kill them here or there
      he will tell you to kill them anywhere.
      he will tell you that you do not like them
      because the son of sam i am.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:37 am |
  4. H.L. Mencken Explains Why Christians Cannot Write

    "Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon."

    April 30, 2012 at 6:24 am |
  5. One one

    I wonder, when she hears god talking do other people in the room hear him also?

    April 30, 2012 at 6:24 am |
    • LOL

      Yes, but to white people he sounds like Morgan Freeman.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:26 am |
    • Alfie

      Karen Spears Zacharias is a thoughtful Christian who kindly asks others if the voices in her head are too looud for them.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:27 am |
    • Al

      And if God farts would other people hear it and smell it? Hey, that could be useful.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:27 am |
    • LOL

      Polite schizophrenics disturb me more than the obviously crazy ones. Makes me wonder which hand is holding the ice pick their imaginary friend is going to tell them to stab me with 32,996 times.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:28 am |
  6. ElmerGantry

    Thanks to Jeanine for the WordPress advice.

    April 30, 2012 at 6:07 am |
    • Prayer changes things

      Atheism is not healthy for children and other living things ,

      April 30, 2012 at 6:10 am |
    • LOL

      It's no more or less healthy than sky fairies, goblins, ice giants, crocodile gods, spaghetti monsters, Xenu, or magic jews. If your child is /fail perhaps you should look first to bad parenting instead of religion or lack thereof. The two are not dependent on each other. It's entirely possible to have a religious child who is pure evil, and an atheist child that displays common sense and decency.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:14 am |
    • mark

      LOL – Amen to that!! Not only is it possible, it happens all the time. Religious freaks just don't get it. They never will. I actually think they are incapable of understanding.. Its sad really.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:18 am |
    • One one

      Atheists don't tell children that god sends them to h e l l to be tortured forever for not believing as they do.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:21 am |
    • Prayer Changes Things

      I'm stupid and mean, just like God likes his followers to be. You might think that he would want us to be intelligent and considerate, but look at us Christians and you will see that we are dumb, humorless, intolerant, and seething with hate. That therefore is what Jesus wants in his elect.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:21 am |
    • LOL

      Want to make your kid an atheist? send em to Catholic school. worked like a charm for me.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:21 am |
    • Mirosal

      That's because they are incapable of independent, rational thought. They only think what they are told to think. They are programmed from birth, much like a child's robotic toy. I would just like to see their batteries run dry.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:23 am |
    • LOL

      ..... and if you actually believe in something as absurd as Jesus' Elect you've managed to somehow entirely miss the entire point Jesus was trying to make. You need to migrate to south central Kansas and join a church there. Phelps runs one for the Calvinists who still think that.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:24 am |
    • Jeanine

      @ElmerGantry
      You are quite welcome. This is one of the worst comment blogs on the internet.
      We all need to help each other to speak as clearly and as freely as we can.

      CNN does not respect us, so we all have a common enemy in CNN...
      ...even while enjoying what little bits of speech we can work into this oppressive atmosphere CNN gives us.
      Sad but true. We do not pay money to speak so they will not listen to us. Kind of like Congress.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:40 am |
  7. mark

    I've got my own moral compass to steer by
    A guiding star beats a spirit in the sky
    And all the preaching voices –
    Empty vessels of dreams so loud
    As they move among the crowd
    Fools and thieves are well disguised
    In the temple and market place

    Like a stone in the river
    Against the floods of spring
    I will quietly resist

    Like the willows in the wind
    Or the cliffs along the ocean
    I will quietly resist

    I don't have faith in faith
    I don't believe in belief
    You can call me faithless
    I still cling to hope
    And I believe in love
    And that's faith enough for me

    N. Peart

    April 30, 2012 at 6:05 am |
    • LOL

      Don't tell the fundies you're quoting Canadians, or they'll all go insane. er. more insane.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:11 am |
    • ElmerGantry

      @LOL,

      More insane, that would be quite a feat indeed!

      April 30, 2012 at 6:14 am |
  8. LOL

    "I hear the audible voice of God." DSM-IV-TR Paranoid Schizophrenia. Sorry. You lose.

    April 30, 2012 at 6:04 am |
  9. WorldCares

    The sun rises and the sun sets. We can look into the night sky.
    That can be done without words.

    April 30, 2012 at 5:57 am |
    • The O'Really Factor

      The tide comes in, the tide goes out, the tide comes in, the tide goes out. We don't know why...

      April 30, 2012 at 6:00 am |
    • ElmerGantry

      @The O'Really Factor,

      PURFECT!

      April 30, 2012 at 6:04 am |
    • Jeanine

      Sun goes up.
      Sun goes down.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:41 am |
    • ElmerGantry

      I happened to see that on air,

      Purfect example of the clueless Billo Ohhh'Realllly.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:55 am |
  10. Al

    How about other senses. Does anyone ever smell God? What does God smell like to you?

    April 30, 2012 at 5:55 am |
    • LOL

      It smells like bull**** to me, but everyone probably smells something different. 🙂

      April 30, 2012 at 6:04 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      burning flesh and a hatred of women?

      April 30, 2012 at 6:05 am |
    • LOL

      No, bootyfunkman, that's Islam.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:17 am |
    • Mirosal

      a dirty idaper, because religion is full of sh!t.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:19 am |
    • Catholicism is not healthy for little boy's

      Does anyone else get the feeling that the "Prayer Changes Things/Atheism is not healthy" blogger is about to go "postal". I would not want to work in that office.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:22 am |
  11. Earthling

    When will you people shake off this delusion of god?

    April 30, 2012 at 5:41 am |
    • Jeanine

      They will shake it off when they are no longer mentally ill. Not before and not after.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:43 am |
    • ElmerGantry

      @Jeanine,

      Unfortunately you are correct.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:50 am |
    • Prayer changes things

      Atheism is not healthy for children and other living things. Proof provided by Elmer Gantry on a regular basis.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:52 am |
    • Prayer Changes Things

      I sure am stupid. Crazy too. Crazy stupid. Stupid crazy. Just plain stupid.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:11 am |
    • ElmerGantry

      @Prayer Changes Thinges, not the other one,

      Good one!

      April 30, 2012 at 6:19 am |
  12. Atheism is not healthy for children and other living things

    Prayer changes things .

    April 30, 2012 at 5:38 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      prayer makes useful hands useless.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:43 am |
    • Prayer changes things

      Atheism is not healthy for children and other living things
      Prayer provides the plans that make working hands effective.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:47 am |
    • ElmerGantry

      @Bootyfunk,

      You are feeding a troll.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:47 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      instead of praying to help the homeless, going to a shelter and actually doing something to help them is a much more effective way to use your hands.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:48 am |
    • Prayer changes things

      Atheism is not healthy for children and other living things. Proof provided by Elmer on a regular basis. Elmer the blog Nazi who would deny free speech to any it deems unworthy.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:54 am |
    • Prayer changes things

      Atheism is not healthy for children and other living things. Proof provided by bootyfunk who does not realize that the vast majority of homeless shelters were founded by people of prayer. bootyfunk who has never seen the inside of a homeless shelter much less helped anyone. Had it actually ever been to a homeless shelter it would have known the correlation between shelter and prayer.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:59 am |
    • mark

      Intolerant people like you are not healthy for the human race.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:00 am |
    • ElmerGantry

      Goodwin's Law comes into play.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:02 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      "bootyfunk who has never seen the inside of a homeless shelter much less helped anyone"
      wrong. my sister, also an atheist, ran a program to feed the homeless in a local park. i helped every weekend for about 2 years. sowwy, try again. i've actually helped at christian homeless shelters, too.

      yeah, christian shelters and prayer.... christians are part helping, part trying to recruit. atheists don't make people listen to a sermon before they get a bowl of soup. see a difference?

      April 30, 2012 at 6:04 am |
    • Prayer changes things

      Atheism is not healthy for children and other living things
      Proven

      April 30, 2012 at 6:05 am |
    • Prayer changes things

      Atheism is not healthy for children and other living things. The farther bootyfunk goes the more it shows it has a complete lack of knowledge as to what shelters actually do. Try actually helping out sometime so that you may converse with intelligence although intelligence may be too high a goal for you.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:09 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      wrong. i've volunteered at several homeless shelters. i think you are the one that's never been to one. part of the program is always to teach the word of god, not just help. it's helping with a motive.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:16 am |
  13. ElmerGantry

    On FAUX blogs FAUX can not be typed FAUX without being sent to the trash bin, it must be altered in some manner like FÄÜX to avoid moderation, er sorry, trash bin,

    Question, how much longer will it be before it is necessary to type references to CNN in an altered form. When that happens the FAUXification of CNN will be nearly complete.

    Just like FAUX, your company will achieve personhood and you will be chasing the $$$ of the lowest common denominator viewer.

    April 30, 2012 at 5:18 am |
    • ElmerGantry

      Some odd behavior going on within blog. I DID NOT, enter the HTML tag for bold text on the last sentence, yet it showed up that way!

      Also previously I entered the HTML tag for strike through text but there was no strike through text but the tag displayed.

      Don't know why but at this time it is just curious.

      Have a great day everyone.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:29 am |
    • Atheism is not healthy for children and other living things

      Prayer changes things ,

      April 30, 2012 at 5:35 am |
    • Jeanine

      Most blogs that allow formatting only allow a limited menu of them. This is a WordPress blog. Some things can be found out as to the functionality of the blog by going to WordPress's site and digging around. 😀

      April 30, 2012 at 5:46 am |
    • Catholicism is not healthy for a boy's anus

      Cool

      April 30, 2012 at 5:48 am |
  14. ElmerGantry

    This article and the fundie comments it prompted is evidence that CNN is making some strides in competing with FAUX. Great CNN, you too can lower your journalistic standards in the pursuit of $$$.

    I do not think you will be able to outfox FAUX, but that sure seems to be your goal.

    Very sad, CNN started out with higher goals but apparently reduced to imitating FAUX.

    April 30, 2012 at 4:56 am |
    • A Chair To Your Face

      This is CNN's comedy section. Calm the fuck down already.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:13 am |
    • ElmerGantry

      It ended up being a comedy section, but if you think that was intentional on CNN's part you are delusional.
      Hearing voices are ya?

      April 30, 2012 at 5:20 am |
    • Atheism is not healthy for children and other living things

      Prayer changes things ,

      April 30, 2012 at 5:36 am |
    • ElmerGantry

      @A Chair To Your Face,

      Are you a fundie? Your screen name and use of "sentence enhancers" is suggestive of typical (not all mind you) fundies.

      I don't know, I'm just asking.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:41 am |
    • Atheism is not healthy for children and other living things

      Prayer changes things ,

      April 30, 2012 at 5:43 am |
    • LOL

      There hasn't been any difference between CNN or Fox for quite a few years now. There might be a difference of ideology, but they both wh0re out to big advertisers and both run fluff news.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:09 am |
    • ElmerGantry

      @LOL,

      It's been sad watching CNN descent to the FAUX Caching seperating $$$ from the "Joe SixPack's and Larry the-CableGuy's" out there business model.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:28 am |
    • Murrow

      Journalistic bias has always been a facade, not the structure. The reality is that news is corporate, and does what it thinks will make the most money. This is why in-depth reporting and news analysis are long gone, replaced by sound bytes. This is why all news channels have a buzz-cut style of editing. They "bias" even at Fox is only there because guys like Limbaugh proved that bias sells very nicely, and that you can't be outrageous enough.

      News isn't really news. It's an entertainment product sold to you by a corporation whose only loyalty is to profit. Intelligent and detailed don't sell, but flashy quick and easily digested does. Guess what you get. Newspapers were the last hope of depth journalism, and they are going the way of the stegasaurus.

      April 30, 2012 at 6:36 am |
  15. Bootyfunk

    "so because in revelations it's prophecy that the world will end and people will die, that makes the new testament 'worse' than the old testament, and this is all deduced by you due to body count?"
    yes, generally, we think of someone who kills more as worse. God kills more people at the end of the NT than in the OT - thus he's worse. math sure is hard, eh?

    "so when the world does end, because it will eventually end, do you think it will be peaceful? no one will die at the end of the world, really?"
    why does it have to end at all? it obviously is ending because God wills it, right? so he's the one that decided to end he world and kill everyone, right? seriously - do you think anything through before you type?

    "when did jesus kill the first born of an entire culture?"
    in revelation, jesus opens the seven seals, which kills billions. much more than the first born, but many babies are also the victims.

    here's jesus himself ordering the murder of innocent babies:
    "So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways. I will strike her children dead. Then all the churches will know that I am he who searches hearts and minds, and I will repay each of you according to your deeds. (Revelation 2:22-23)"

    jesus thinks any child who has a mother that commits adultery should be killed. pretty clear right there. now go ahead and make more excuses please.

    you really seem not to know what the bible actually says.

    April 30, 2012 at 4:26 am |
    • Nii

      BOOTYFUNK
      You are so funny! So who is more evil George Bush or Osama Bin Laden or Saddam Hussein for body count. Continue with Ho Chi ming and JFK on body count basis. You sometimes talk as if you don't think. Christophobia is a debilitating disease, ask your doctor.

      April 30, 2012 at 4:39 am |
    • Nii

      BOOTYFUNK
      And I don't know what you mean by WE. You and who GENERALLY think? GENERALLY thinking about something is not analytical in the least. I hope you never sit as a Judge or juror.

      April 30, 2012 at 4:43 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      lol, you're just proving my point. my original point was that God is just as bad in the NT as he was in the OT. someone else was arguing he is not. they said he is a loving, huggable god in the NT. i pointed out that he murdered even more people in the NT than in the OT.

      i know you don't like the math, but if you go by body count, god kills more in the NT. sowwy if that makes you mad.

      April 30, 2012 at 4:45 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      "You and who GENERALLY think?"
      me and society in general. you wouldn't say our society would think someone who kills 100 people is worse than someone who kills 2?

      "I hope you never sit as a Judge or juror."
      better hope not, especially if you're one of those pedo-priests.

      April 30, 2012 at 4:51 am |
    • Nii

      BOOTYFUNK
      Even people who GENERALLY think know that there is a huge difference between killing and murder. The funny thing is that if you taake God to any Judge for killing those people He wud be exonerated. Why is it that u a supposedly brilliant atheist wud try to GENERALLY think?

      April 30, 2012 at 4:56 am |
    • Nii

      I didn't mean you being a good judge wud be a good thing! In fact the talking donkey will be far better. Judgement needs impartiality which u seem to lack. if I was a gay pedo-priest who is an Atheist Roman Catholic and ur best friend you will be confused.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:01 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      "Even people who GENERALLY think know that there is a huge difference between killing and murder. The funny thing is that if you taake God to any Judge for killing those people He wud be exonerated"

      LOL. really? God says to kill g.a.y.s, disobedient children and non-virgin brides. but you think a court would say that's okay? you think a court would say "that was a killing, not a murder"?

      yes, there is a big difference between killing and murdering. just because you're a god, doesn't mean you get to use the nicer of the two terms when you strike someone down. God murders people throughout the bible. not kills, but murders.

      or would you like to explain how drowning babies in the great flood wasn't murder, but killing? also, explain how a court would "exonerate" God after he drowned millions of people?

      April 30, 2012 at 5:02 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      "Judgement needs impartiality which u seem to lack"
      how so? name something i said that's unfair. because i think God is a murder is unfair? God IS a murderer. he murders people throughout the bible, a book which you obviously haven't read.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:04 am |
    • Nii

      BOOTYFUNK
      You are using modern jurisprudence to declare God a murderer when at the same time it has a principle that its laws do not have retrospective jurisdiction. How then do u as a GENERAL thinker propose to find Him guilty? You are just hurling insults like an ancient Roman lynch mob.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:20 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      "You are using modern jurisprudence to declare God a murderer when at the same time it has a principle that its laws do not have retrospective jurisdiction."
      ummm... YOU are the one that brought up God going to court, not me. and i'd have to think that even in the Babylonian justice system, someone that drowned millions of people would be considered a baddie.

      "How then do u as a GENERAL thinker propose to find Him guilty?"
      btw, i never said anything about being a "GENERAL thinker". that was your wording. go re-read what i wrote and find out you're dumb.

      "You are just hurling insults like an ancient Roman lynch mob."
      how do roman lynch mobs hurl insults? btw, was that an insult? lol. don't try to be funny. you fail at funny like you fail at logic.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:25 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      how do i propose to find something that doesn't exist guilty? i don't. we're talking about a work of fiction called the bible. discussing yahweh is no different than discussing zeus, odin or ra. clue: they don't exist either.

      but i guess if i had to, i'd throw God to the ground, hog-tie and handcuff him and throw him in the back of the squad car.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:27 am |
    • Jeanine

      Book 'im, Bootyfunk! Use pepper spray and tasers and don't forget your baton! That guy's a maniac! We have proof!
      We'll nail him up in court! That'll show those Christians! Yeah!

      April 30, 2012 at 6:46 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      "Book 'im, Bootyfunk! Use pepper spray and tasers and don't forget your baton! That guy's a maniac! We have proof!
      We'll nail him up in court! That'll show those Christians! Yeah!"

      learn to read. i'm not the one that brought up court or that silly analogy. one of your brainless christian brothers did.

      April 30, 2012 at 7:07 am |
    • Jeanine

      *facepalm*

      April 30, 2012 at 7:37 am |
  16. Barbara Young

    I am reinitiating the Living Divine Life Program that includes the opening of the Gates of the Divine Realm. The Divine Gifts are: A full Objective, Visual, and Telepathic Awareness with the Family of God-God the Father and His Christ Son as well as God the Mother and Her Chryseis Daughter (removed by inquisition); Access to negating all negative memories within the Spirit that removes psychosomatic dysfunctions; and Access to Temples within the Divine Realm for the advancement of all philosophies. The Divine Life Ideal is designed for the advancement of the Spirit from material to that of a Being of Pure Light through the Christing/Transfiguration of material memory into the Natures of God the Father and Mother. The Divine Life Program is a Living Reality and the only means for the Human Spirit to Attain Perfect Love, not a human made or reasoned religion of the mind. All current religions of the mind are out of the Catholic Inquisition philosophy and therefore, without the means to advance the Human Spirit from a son or daughter of man to a Son or Daughter of God, who graduates to become a Man or Woman of God of Pure Love.

    April 30, 2012 at 4:24 am |
    • sam stone

      huh?

      April 30, 2012 at 4:26 am |
    • Nii

      SAM STONE
      Just another Mormon or another Gnostic Revivalist blaming the RCC or the Orthodox Christian Faith(not church) for something the Early Church Fathers did. Please the New Testament is far older than the Creeds. Religious history can be found on Google now! Don't bother your head!

      April 30, 2012 at 4:33 am |
  17. Yeah

    If CNN paid this writer a Happy Meal for this article, they were overcharged.

    April 30, 2012 at 4:09 am |
    • sam stone

      it got 2,662 replies so far. i would say it was a deal

      April 30, 2012 at 4:25 am |
    • Fred M.

      That's because you're judging it on an intellectual basis, rather than from a marketing standpoint. Crazy people who think that they hear voices in their heads can still buy things and that makes their clicks valuable to CNN.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:41 am |
    • Jeanine

      Another proof that we use moral relativism to function and not some "holy" knowledge of "good and evil".

      Greed is not good when it results in things like this happening to the media companies like CNN and Fox.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:51 am |
  18. Muneef

    After married for thirty years... a wife asked her husband to describe her.
    He looked at her slowly... then said,
    "You're

    A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
    She asks... "What does that mean?"
    He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute,
    Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot."
    She smiled happily and said..."Oh, that's so lovely... What about I, J, K ?"

    He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
    His eye is still swollen... but it will get better...
     

    April 30, 2012 at 3:58 am |
  19. Joel Osteen

    Give me money now.

    April 30, 2012 at 3:54 am |
    • Jeanine

      No.

      April 30, 2012 at 4:58 am |
  20. Bootyfunk

    future CNN stories?

    What color are the Tooth Fairy's eyes?

    What size shoe does Santa Claus wear?

    How far can the Easter Bunny hop?

    April 30, 2012 at 3:39 am |
    • Daniel Orozco

      Are unicorns horny?

      April 30, 2012 at 3:52 am |
    • finkster

      Green
      12 i/2
      Twelve Feet

      April 30, 2012 at 3:53 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      unicorns are in the bible. seriously, they are. so are satyrs, dragons and c.ockatrice - oh my!

      April 30, 2012 at 3:56 am |
    • Obscure Humor

      And here is a secret: The Garden Of Eden was in what is now Scunthorpe.

      April 30, 2012 at 3:59 am |
    • Nii

      Unicorns are in the Bible! Yes indeed they are! However they are not your bedtime story unicorns but rhinos. Dragon is the snake when it had legs(scientists say they once did). Language changes and over 400 years English has changed. Washington is very different from Washing town isn't it?

      April 30, 2012 at 4:27 am |
    • sam stone

      "Language changes and over 400 years English has changed. Washington is very different from Washing town isn't it?"

      Yeah. Try deciphering something from like 2,000 years ago, eh?

      April 30, 2012 at 4:40 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      yeah? how about satyrs and c.ockatrice? want to pretend they weren't talking about mythological creatures there too? or giants? or men with wings aka angels? or 7 headed devils? talking donkeys (like Shrek)?

      there are all kinds of nutty creatures in the bible.

      April 30, 2012 at 4:41 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      btw, why do you think they were referring to rhinos when they said unicorns? doc.umentation/evidence please.

      April 30, 2012 at 4:43 am |
    • Jeanine

      finkster is clearly wrong according to the Book of Fairy Tales.
      The Tooth Fairy has purple eyes.
      Santa doesn't have a shoe size, he has boot-shaped feet.
      And the Easter Bunny uses teleportation to get around, just like Santa.
      But what can you expect from a heretic? Ugh.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:02 am |
    • Mirosal

      @ Nii.... Washington was NEVER naed Washing Town .. it WAS referred to as Federal City until 1800. After ol' George died from strep throat in Dec. 1799,the city was then named after him. I'll understand if they didn't teach you US history in your Ghana schools. I'd be suprised if they did at all.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:05 am |
    • Nii

      BOOTYFUNK
      after all that bombast u asked a sensible question! U wonder how the rhino used to be a unicorn? Do u know that the Guinea fowl used to be a turkey? Now study a little more history! I don't give references as they make lazy people like you even more so!

      April 30, 2012 at 5:06 am |
    • Nii

      MIROSAL
      I had a lot more history books than the school texts since my mom graduated in n taught French, Geography n History. I was referring to the root of the word. As in the President was not George Washing Town. And Washing might even mean different in Anglo-Saxon.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:12 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      "U wonder how the rhino used to be a unicorn? Do u know that the Guinea fowl used to be a turkey? Now study a little more history!"

      you're saying someone mistook the rhino for a unicorn? that's your explanation. doc.umentation pls. show evidence that it was a mix-up and not someone writing about mythological creatures. you're trying to explain away the silliness of the bible and failing. something ridiculous gets pointed out in the bible, a unicorn, and you make excuses, "they just thought it was a rhino." no they didn't. where are you getting that? again, doc.umentation/website/evidence please.

      and what about satyrs? did they mistake them for something else too?

      "after all that bombast u asked a sensible question!" when did i NOT ask a sensible question. back up your ad hominem attacks with quotes. you try to get out of answering simple questions by going around them. make more excuses for the bible please.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:19 am |
    • Nii

      BOOTYFUNK
      You r wondering about Ad Hominem(y dont u just say personal) attacks? I think I gave u a clue. I didn't explain anything away. You just don't want to give up ur dissappointed Literalist view of de Bible. Did someone mistake de Guinea fowl 4 a turkey? Then y do u say they mistook de rhino

      April 30, 2012 at 5:30 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      "You r wondering about Ad Hominem(y dont u just say personal) attacks?"
      why do i need to say it that way. what's wrong with ad homimen? these, like most of your questions, are pointless.

      i don't have a literalist view of the bible. i view it as a work of fiction. but i suppose you're implying (omg there's that word!) that i think all christians are literalists. i don't. i know more modern christians make lots and lots of excuses for the cruelty and craziness of the bible, like you. they don't take the bible literally, because deep down they know a talking donkey is something from a pixar film, not reality. even when it clearly says "unicorn" you try to make it out to be a visual mistake. stop making excuses.

      and of course, if you don't take the bible literally, how do you know which parts to ignore and which parts to follow? oh that part about killing non-virgin brides, that's just non-sense - but the part about a magic kingdom in the sky is true! derp!

      "Did someone mistake de Guinea fowl 4 a turkey? Then y do u say they mistook de rhino"
      this is christian excuse. show how you came up with the conclusion that, like the guinea fowl, that actually looks much like a turkey, the rhino, which does not look like a horse (a creature they were very familiar with) with a horn on its head. show some evidence instead of just asserting your brain-washed christian excuses. show how you came to that conclusion, pls.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:41 am |
    • Al

      The Garden Of Eden was in what is now Scun.thorpe.

      What? I was told that it was in Hoboken.

      April 30, 2012 at 5:41 am |
    • Catholicism is not healthy for a boy's anus

      Could someone please teach Nii how to type?

      April 30, 2012 at 5:43 am |
    • Jeanine

      @Catholicism is not healthy for a boy's anus
      Could someone teach you to stop feeding the Nii troll?
      Nice moniker, by the way. I laffed.
      But who gives a flying fck what Nii writes? You?
      If you don't like the crap, quit sticking your hand down the toilet.

      April 30, 2012 at 7:01 am |
    • Bootyfunk

      good point. arguing with Nii is like wrestling a turd.

      April 30, 2012 at 7:04 am |
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About this blog

The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.