The Belief Blog's Hanukkah kitsch gift list
The White House is seen during the annual national Hanukkah menorah lighting ceremony in 2010.
December 6th, 2012
12:48 PM ET

The Belief Blog's Hanukkah kitsch gift list

By the CNN Belief Blog staff

(CNN) - Americans love kitsch, and the holidays bring out the best in our love/hate relationship with products that are so bad they just might be great.  Each December you can find some terror-stricken parents ambling through toy stores like zombies in search of the perfect gift for their children.

But if no perfect gift can be found, you can always turn to kitsch.  That awful holiday faithy kind.  It's so bad it just might work.

Hanukkah is no exception.

Hanukkah, the Jewish Festival of Lights, begins on Saturday.  Hanukkah commemorates the rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem after the Maccabean Revolt and the menorah (candelabrum) that stayed aglow for eight days, despite a lack of oil.

The holiday gift giving burden can be doubly worse for Jewish parents who have to scramble to find gifts for their children for each of the eight nights.  But does your kid really need another dreidel, another bag of chocolate coins?

The clock is ticking, but there's still time for the perfect faithy kitsch gift for children and the young at heart.  With that in mind we humbly present the Belief Blog 2012 Guide to Hanukkah Kitsch.

Hanukkah menorah rubber ducky

Now your children can really test the miracle of the menorah by bringing this rubber ducky  into the tub.  Nothing says candles like a bath.

Ketzel the Cat menorah

Cats played no central role in the Maccabean Revolt story, but why should cat lovers suffer for that?

Geltdigger Hanukkah sweater

This horrible holiday sweater comes complete with Stars of David and the menorah in golden chocolate coin motif.  It's the article of clothing that makes your kids want to stay in the car because they refuse to be seen with you wearing it.

Nice Jewish guys calendar

From the product description, "Firemen and Chippendales have had their spotlight long enough! The 2013 Nice Jewish Guys Calendar turns the spotlight on the underrated characteristic that pecs and tight buns can't deliver...niceness."

Star of David toaster

In a move of interfaith outreach, the folks who brought us Jesus toasters have created this Star of David toaster, just in time for the holiday.

The Count's Hanukkah Countdown (Shalom Sesame)

The Count counts down the eight nights. Get it?

‘Twas the night before Hanukkah – 2 disk set

While all the other kids on the block are reading that other version of this story, now you and your family can finally enjoy the Hanukkah version.

No limit Texas dreidel game

Spinning the dreidel is a classic Hanukkah game where children bet for chocolate coins. Finally a version adults can enjoy by taking the gambling to the next logical step.

Mama Doni – Chanukah Fever Press

We've long documented the plight of Hanukkah music on the Belief Blog (see also the Maccabeats). Here's yet another entry into the holiday song canon.

Chanukah House decorating kit – vanilla cookie

It's like a ginger bread house but Hanukkah.  Comes complete with blue and white frosting.

And don't forget to tune in next week for a very kitschy Belief Blog Christmas gift guide.

- CNN Belief Blog

Filed under: Belief • Holidays • Judaism

soundoff (208 Responses)
  1. Newman

    Festivus is the only real holiday. Let me start by airing my one greivance: ALL RELIGION SUCKS!

    December 8, 2012 at 11:57 am |
    • Jerry


      December 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm |
  2. David

    It's good to see America standing up for our Judea-Chrisitian values.

    December 8, 2012 at 10:10 am |
  3. Diane

    I WANT the Nice Jewish Guys Calendar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    December 8, 2012 at 9:42 am |
    • bruno

      hahhahaa goood to the bone!!! ga ga ga gooodd!! iiimmmm gooooood to the bone lololol

      December 8, 2012 at 10:48 am |
  4. marc

    I don't see the rubber duck one being on a "worst" list.....

    December 8, 2012 at 9:29 am |
  5. Thomas

    I'm not sure what makes some of these so offensive. For example, what's wrong with the Hanukkah House?

    December 8, 2012 at 8:35 am |
    • Brenda

      The article is looking for cheesy 'kitsch' items. The article isn't asserting that these products are offensive.

      December 8, 2012 at 10:41 am |
  6. Starstuff

    My post is awaiting moderation.

    December 8, 2012 at 6:27 am |
    • Helpful Hints

      Your post will never appear, then. Have you checked for these?

      Bad letter combinations / words to avoid if you want to get past the CNN automatic filter:
      Many, if not most, are buried within other words, so use your imagination.
      You can use dashes, spaces, or other characters or some html tricks to modify the "offending" letter combinations.
      ar-se.....as in ar-senic.
      co-ck.....as in co-ckatiel, co-ckatrice, co-ckleshell, co-ckles, etc.
      co-on.....as in racc-oon, coc-oon, etc.
      cu-m......as in doc-ument, accu-mulate, circu-mnavigate, circu-mstances, cu-mbersome, cuc-umber, etc.
      ef-fing...as in ef-fing filter
      ft-w......as in soft-ware, delft-ware, swift-water, drift-wood, etc.
      ho-mo.....as in ho-mo sapiens or ho-mose-xual, ho-mogenous, sopho-more, etc.
      ho-oters…as in sho-oters
      ho-rny....as in tho-rny, etc.
      inf-orms us…
      hu-mp… as in th-ump, th-umper, th-umping
      jacka-ss...yet "ass" is allowed by itself.....
      ja-p......as in j-apanese, ja-pan, j-ape, etc.
      koo-ch....as in koo-chie koo..!
      o-rgy….as in po-rgy, zo-rgy, etc.
      pi-s......as in pi-stol, lapi-s, pi-ssed, therapi-st, etc.
      p-oon… as in sp-oon, lamp-oon, harp-oon
      p-orn… as in p-ornography
      pr-ick....as in pri-ckling, pri-ckles, etc.
      ra-pe.....as in scra-pe, tra-peze, gr-ape, thera-peutic, sara-pe, etc.
      se-x......as in Ess-ex, s-exual, etc.
      sm-ut…..as in transm-utation
      sp-ic.....as in desp-icable, hosp-ice, consp-icuous, susp-icious, sp-icule, sp-ice, etc.
      sp-ook… as in sp-ooky, sp-ooked
      ti-t......as in const-itution, att-itude, t-itle, ent-ity, alt-itude, beat-itude, etc.
      tw-at.....as in wristw-atch, nightw-atchman, salt-water, etc.
      va-g......as in extrava-gant, va-gina, va-grant, va-gue, sava-ge, etc.
      who-re....as in who're you kidding / don't forget to put in that apostrophe!
      There's another phrase that someone found, "wo-nderful us" (have no idea what sets that one off).

      There are more, some of them considered "racist", so do not assume that this list is complete.

      December 8, 2012 at 7:24 am |
    • marc

      Don't forget salt -water is one of the oldest standards in chat/comment filter technology.

      December 8, 2012 at 9:31 am |
  7. Joe

    Have you see The Hanukkah Tree Topper?

    December 8, 2012 at 3:28 am |
  8. Eli Cabelly

    Who cares about Chanukah anyway? It's not the most important Jewish Holiday, and it's probably not even in the top 5. Wishing me "Happy Hannukah" is like me wishing a Christian "Happy Holy Cross Day."

    If you want to give me well wishes on a holiday, try Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashanah, or Pesach. Or maybe do some real research and discover that our most important holiday in Shabbos.

    December 7, 2012 at 7:16 pm |
    • lol??

      I've noticed the religious leaders have a penchant for making up new ones all the time. Even the Catholics are now giving our socialist PUblic Servants a Red Mass.

      December 7, 2012 at 7:33 pm |
    • femfilly

      Same thing with Christianity. Easter is the most important Christian holiday. Everyone is born, not everyone comes back from the dead. Most people will tell you it's Christmas though.

      December 8, 2012 at 9:45 am |
    • Saraswati

      Its important to kids who want gifts. Cinco de Mayo isn't important in Mexico (heck, its a cellebration of getting out of paying your legal debt) and st paddy's wasn't much until it was big overseas. Holidays change. Christmas only became big fairly recently, and stll isn't celebrated by all Christians.

      December 8, 2012 at 5:12 pm |
  9. Johnny2525

    Actually I have a question that was not answered earlier. Why do you all carry yourselves in a very intelligent and articulate way. BUT when it comes to assessing your own religion, that is a no can do. I almost feel as if you guys really can't be fair. There is just a reversion from criticizing any action that may in the smallest way affect your interests. Yet, when it comes to being logical in other things in life your quite capable of doing so. Amazing. I guess its like the family phenomena that as children mother and father can't do wrong.

    December 7, 2012 at 6:57 pm |
  10. raymond

    also dont forget coconut macaroons my favorite.

    December 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm |
    • j

      those are for passover normally but delicious all year long.

      December 8, 2012 at 12:52 pm |
  11. jj

    Very funny. I like the calendar.

    December 7, 2012 at 5:51 pm |
  12. Mervin

    Since when is Jesus God? You mean son of God.

    December 7, 2012 at 5:39 pm |
    • Nicole

      Jesus is one part of the holy trinity, all three parts of the holy trinity are considered god (it really is a sort of polytheism, but don't tell the Christians that). Thus Jesus is god, alongside the holy spirit and god the father.

      December 8, 2012 at 6:08 am |
    • Brenda

      Different religions think of Jesus in different ways. Sometimes he is part of the trinity. Others consider him more of a profit. It all depends on which soap box you're listing to.

      December 8, 2012 at 10:44 am |
  13. Andy Daniel

    Reality here... Channukah is a minor holiday in the Jewish pantheon of festivals. It gets an enromous boost because of its proximity to Christmas, and the opportunity to commercilaize as well as the desire for both Jewish parents and civic authorities to want seem "fair". The major Jewish holidays, Rosh Hashannah, Yom Kippur, Succot, and Shavuot, don't get much press attention because they don't coincide with a major Christian holiday. Passover is sort of a mid-level holiday get it much better known because of its association with Easter.

    December 7, 2012 at 5:38 pm |
  14. Johnny2525

    Am I in the United States or what? I don't want any damn religious icon that white house. Separation of church and state stands for a reason. We let them religious extremists do their thing in the Middle East. Not here, not America!

    December 7, 2012 at 5:37 pm |
    • James

      I guess you missed all the pandering to Israel during the presidential election.

      December 8, 2012 at 7:12 am |
  15. empresstrudy

    Over at Huffington Post they give car bombs to their Jewish friends and colleagues. .

    December 7, 2012 at 5:10 pm |
  16. Vic

    oy vey!

    December 7, 2012 at 4:45 pm |
  17. lol??

    WWLTD, (What would Liz Taylor do)? Go for the Gates' Foundation after wrapping up Billy Bob Clinton's stash. Then santy klaus for everybody!

    December 7, 2012 at 4:45 pm |
  18. Slick

    Yeah,,,,and I can get them for you wholesale!

    December 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm |
  19. TGP

    Channukkah is not supposed to be commercial like Christmas. It is more serious.

    December 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm |
    • putz

      more serious than celebrating the birth of a god?

      December 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm |
    • scarf

      A dreidel is serious?

      December 7, 2012 at 4:53 pm |
    • good work scarf

      could not possible agree with scarf more!

      December 7, 2012 at 5:12 pm |
    • Bill

      John 3:16

      December 7, 2012 at 5:30 pm |
    • RLS

      Christmas wasn't supposed to be commercial either, but apparently someone sees an untapped market out there.

      December 7, 2012 at 5:30 pm |
  20. Susan

    They guy on the calendar is cute.

    December 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm |
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About this blog

The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.